[whattodo]

I am a very sad mother of a 10 year old boy. We have had a slight problems in the past with him refusing to do his work in school. But then it got better after we put him on Adderall so that he would focus more. Now after 4 months he is starting to be disrespectful and refused to do his work in class. His grades have fallen in the last 30 days from B's and C's to F's. All of this came about last week and I thought by taking away all of his privileges (TV, Ipod, CD player etc.) he would have straightened up. Well, guess what... It is now Monday and I just got a call from the school for his disrespect and not doing his work. And disrespect is a big no-no in my household. I just don't know what is going on or what to do. Please help!

[Forever21]

Did you take his things away? If so how did he react? Is there some family issues going on that maybe he could be retaliating to? Are you strick on him? I know that these are allot of questions but it is stuff you can think about. Day by day things get worse and not better so you need to think about things that could be actually going on at school. I don't know what type of relationship you and him have but try talking to him as an individual and not your son. Let him know how you feel and how this has affected you, whatever you do, do not speak for others or mention others just speak about you and him. I was a very rebellious child and my parents were extremely strick on me but I do know that if they would have talked to me as an individual not as a child and scorned me that I would have given some consideration to there feelings. Just think about it.

[isabelle]

Your child needs to see a therapist now. I don't think you can stop this down hill slide by yourself. I have seen a lot of kids do this and it can happen fast. What ever the problem... please get a appointment now.

[TheSavage]

Are you sure he is taking his med`s? There is a black market for a lot of those pills right in the schools.

[Bluerose]

“And disrespect is a big no-no in my household.”

Sorry but I have to say this sounds to me like it is you and the school against a ten year old boy. Who does he have in his corner?

Kids often come across as being disrespectful when they are not. It's something to do with still learning the proper social skills and the vocabulary to express themselves.

This is a ten year old boy, he is a child. He has only begun to learn what is going to be expected of him as an adult. You can afford to forgive a few mistakes - quite a few actually.

Forgive me but I think you have this the wrong way round. You think his school work is suffering and when you pull him up on it, he is disrespectful. When in fact, at least to me, it's more a case of you expecting too much too soon and therefore the boy is rebelling and being disrespectful. And because of the lack of understanding this young man is suffering from, the school work is suffering.

Taking away privileges…. Did you take them all away? If so you have left him with nothing to do but sulk and mumble negative statements to himself about how misunderstood he is. He will be getting down on himself, feeling like crap and will grow to blame you… The result? More disrespect.

You really need to turn things around very quickly or you are going to lose any control you have over this young ten year old.

For a start begin to support him, forgive him, and spend some fun time with him without any pressure or mention of school or disrespect.

One last note: Your rule of disrespect being a complete no no is forcing your child to respect everyone - that is impossible. Besides respect should be earned and not demanded.

Having children on meds is something to be looked at very seriously. Most children don't need them. And it can even be harmful because the frontal lobe continues to develop up till the child is twenty. Please reconsider the meds if they are only for behavioural problems and not a serious illness.

[heather83]

I can understand the problems your facing. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on adderall after trying some other things. The medication seemed to make him more aggressive and disrepectful too. If he's not already seeing a therapist it may be a good idea to have him start. It helps to expose and deal with whatever problems he may be having. And try talking with his doctor about maybe trying some different meds or changing the dosage. Sometimes just a little tweak works wonders.
You might also want to have a talk with the school. They may be singling him out and blaming him for things that aren't actually his fault. We noticed that a lot with my brother and he would get in trouble for silly things-simply because he had already been labeled "the bad kid". Don't let this happen to your son. My mom had to fight with the principle and teachers about my brother. It takes a lot of learning on both sides and most teachers just aren't up to dealing with kids that need that little bit of extra attention.
And one other thing-just as a side note-get him into some physical activities. Sitting around playing video games and watching TV aren't good for anybody. Help him to burn off some of that excess energy by playing outside.

[Teaching]

I have seen it too often that when children do things wrong their privileges are taken away or time out, etc. I think "if we can look at the underlying issue", it will help resolve the issue faster and better for everyone concerned. There is so much more that meets the eye.