[audrey321]

So I live in Texas and I'm a senior in high school. My boyfriend of 9 months is a freshmen at a top university a few hours away and is pledging for a fraternity and almost done with the process (it's Delta something I'm not sure).

He's very trustworthy of a person and he's a nice guy with good morals. We've been long distance for a while and it's been working out fine, we know neither of us would cheat and even he admits that he isn't very girl-crazy... I can't explain it but he's so driven of a person that he isn't the type to have girl posters in his room or always check out girls and talk about them. This never affects how he treats me but sometimes I wish he were more outspoken and complimented me more or acted like more of a GUY (he DOES watch porn occasionally, I know that, but it isn't frequently so that is not the issue). He just simply isn't the aggressive guy who takes control of things in the relationship. He's admit that it can take a lot for him to get aroused by nature.

I'm extremely confident with who I am as a person, I know I can succeed with the things I put effort into and I love my personality and who I am. I think this is what has made me survive in life because I just feel so UNCONFIDENT physically, to the point where it's disgusting. Sometimes I feel okay and don't really care, but sometimes I literally want to jump out of my skin and I feel PHYSICALLY ill and get goosebumps and the chills.

I struggled with this a few years ago and even suffered through depression, cutting, and eating disorders but now that part of my life is completely in the past. However, I still have periods where I simply feel like a troll. I've been told I'm quite attractive and I'm considered "hot" by most (writing that makes me cringe) but when I picture myself from someone else's eyes, I imagine they see me as a goofy sloppy unattractive female.

I'm on here because I found out last week that my boyfriend had to get WASTED out of his mind for his frat the other night and they brought in 2 female strippers who went completely naked. Hearing this made me feel so sick all I wanted to do was curl up into a blanket. I'm disgusted with myself for being so insecure, especially since we're quite sexual when we're together and I'm ALWAYS the more sexually free one.

I know he would NEVER cheat but picturing him seeing this attractive naked woman would make him compare her to me, since I'm his first girlfriend, first naked girl he's seen, first everything. I hate imagining him seeing this hot girl and realizing that I will never look like her, no matter how beautiful he says I am.

Please tell me how to get over myself! Has any guy been in a similar situation?
I know most girls complain that they don't trust him enough but I DO it's just I feel so gross all the time and I need to get over it, it's pathetic.
You'll be wasting your time if you tell me I need to get over this. I know how damaging it could be.

Help!

[delitelimon]

I think it's perfectly OK to feel insecure since hearing about your bf's hazing and the strippers. However, if he didn't love you and didn't want to include you on everything going on in his life, he prob wouldn't have told you what happened. Also, maybe you are confusing your insecurity regarding him cheating on you with concern about who he's surrounded by in this frat. Your boyfriend sounds like a really good guy - but of course as a freshman in college he's going to be heavily influenced by the guys around him. I think that you should remind yourself to remain secure and understanding about his situation. Although you are not together everyday, you can be that reliable person in his life that will remind him to stay true to himself despite what's going on around him.

[audrey321]

Thank you so much ^^^ I feel a little better now, but I know 100% that he would never cheat. I just haven't even been able to eat all day thinking about this (1. because I feel insecure and overweight picturing this skinny stripper and 2. because I'm so nervous and wound up about it). I just feel nauseated by the image of him comparing her to me. It's paralyzing. I need to get over this.

[talaniman]

Relax, your feelings are both normal, and understandable. Just don't get carried away by them, or let them take over your life.

In time, I think you will deal with those feelings in a mature positive manner, once the shock wears off. Be patient with yourself, you'll see.

[vanheart]

Trust is always #1, especially long-distance.

Communication is everything.

He is in a new environment. Learning & growing.
You should do the same.

If you both wish to continue this way, then some game plan has to be in effect.

Or, keep it loose, with no plans & expectations.
That may be the best ticket.

Maybe you need to get out more. He is.

[audrey321]

I do go out a lot actually and he is usually so tired he only gets drunk a few nights a week. It's just the uncomfortable feeling I felt from picturing him looking at her. I can't exactly put my finger on it but it's something along the lines of feeling ashamed of my body.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

[vanheart]

That's all in your head.

Be confident with yourself, for yourself.
True people love you for you. Unconditionally.

Like I mentioned, communication with your partner is everything.