[george2222]

Moved to its own question, and edited/T

I've just turned 29 am male, always been single since around 17 and not really interested in going out with anyone. Along came someone about 5 months ago who seemed really nice and is she is only 19 though. I work in I.T. and am musical and love singing and writing songs.

Seeing I had been single for so long I guessed I couldn't let her go and we started going out after a couple of months and then got engaged a month ago. I hinted that we should consider getting married while driving somewhere once, and without thinking asked to get married. I didn't have a ring at the time and the next day she said if we're engaged you have to get me a ring. So I not thinking where it was really leading got a ring and gave it to her the next day. I know it was completely stupid on my part.

I do love her, it's just some details like she's not musical and doesn't understand what harmony even is. She sings but often out of key, I know it's nothing major and just isn't physically what I was looking for. She is a very nice honest person, but am thinking I don't know what I've got myself into.

She's told everyone and posted it on Facebook all our parents and friends and friends of friends know.

I just didn't think where it was leading. Even my mum thinks it's great. If I try and back out now, she'll hate me and just about everyone I know. If I go ahead with it I'm worried that it isn't going to last and could end even more destructively than it would now.

[talaniman]

Your lack of honesty about your own feelings has left you in a position of trying to please others, and leading this young lady on, JUST 5 MONTHS?

Take responsibility for your own actions and start first by being honest with yourself, YOU got carried away by YOUR own feelings, and acted on impulse, without careful thought, and then be honest with others, and catch the hell you have coming.

Not a pretty picture is it? Scary huh? It should be but it was your actions that lead to it, so own it.

BUT, first give this some careful thought, like you didn't before, and then have a plan to make things right, in an open honest way. If I were you, I would have private talk with my mom, and tap an older wiser head, at least get her opinion, which would be, I am guessing, tell her the truth. Your young lady will be mad, and hurt, but at least she knows the truth.

Hope you didn't spend a lot on that ring my friend, she may think a pawn shop is where it belongs, if she doesn't make you eat it.

[vanheart]

What are you crazy?

'"we started going out after a couple of months and then got engaged"

Do you really want to get married to someone that you don't truly know?
She's 19. You're 29. C'mon.

"I'm worried that it isn't going to last and could end even more destructively than it would now."
Now you're being smart. Go with that thought.

If I were her, I would question you.

[samm101]

You've made a mistake, there's no point scolding you about it now, its all about how you deal with your next task ahead. Take time to think about what to say, get advice off a close friend or relative who you can tell in strict confidence.

Sit her down and explain, if you don't want to marry her tell her how it is.. dont go sugarcoating it giving her hope if its not even a faint possibility that you will one day want to marry her.

You say you do love her & you haven't been interested in relationships before so I'm guessing this is all kind of unexplored territory to you & you acted on a whim. 5months is a very short time to decide if you want to spend the rest of your lives together considering you might not know each other as well as you think you do. (she might even agree with that) If she takes it OK then you could always go back to getting to know each other 1st and continue dating?

If there's one thing you take on board from this page then it's that you have indicated yourself that YOU are NOT ready for marriage, it would be foolish to go ahead with something you don't appear to be ready to enter into.