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ray408 · Oct 11, 2011, 04:22 AM

I'm on deployment to Afghanistan. I found out my wife has been cheating on me while I've been out here, and we have two kids together. I want to save my family, but I don't know if I'll ever get over it and there are already other women trying to talk to me. So far they seem pretty cool, but I loved my wife and I love my kids and I can't think of what my life would be like without them. She's willing to let me sleep with a few women to kind of get even which I agreed to, but at the same time I know it's really not going to fix anything. What should I do?

tickle · Oct 11, 2011, 04:45 AM

No, you are right, her agreeing to you sleeping with some women to 'get even' doesn't make sense, will only make matters worse and will only compound the error. You are far away and don't have much control over her situation, but at the same time, if she loved you, she could have remained faithful knowing why you are there and what you are doing.

It seems that she doesn't have much to say if she suggested you 'get even'; and what has been going on with the children, who has been taking care of them while she is carrying on this way? I would suggest you tell her to talk to her clergyman, or a counsellor. There must be ways and means to handle this situation within the military in the way of intermediation.

Tick

donf · Oct 11, 2011, 07:16 PM

Well apart from trying to stay alive so you can make it home, her infidelity is the least of your problems.

I agree with tickle that her giving you permission to do the same as she did is so bogus.

Please do not do that. I suggest that you talk to a Chaplin if one is available wherever you are.

Your next decision is whether you can live with what has happened in your marriage.

If you can, then tell her that. This is the decision only you can make. If you decide to forgive, then tell her that and never bring it up again.

If you decide the transgression is to deep of a cut and you cannot go back as if nothing happened, you must also tell her.

Tell her that there can be no further infidelities.

Also, set yourself and the Lady up for counseling upon your return.

And for Heaven's sake, keep your head down and your powder dry!

I'll pray for your safe return and I truly thank for your service to our Country.

JoeAmer · Oct 15, 2011, 03:42 PM

Your wife is a jerk for stabbing you in the back while your life is in danger. Will sleeping with another woman fix everything? no. Will it make you feel a little better and take away some of your pain? Maybe.

Perhaps you should ask yourself do you really love her OR do you just love the idea of having a family to come home to? If you love her, then you have to see if she can really be trusted and is willing to put forth the effort to correct her behavior and not come up with excuses.

If your are in love with the idea of having a family, then it would mean that you picked whatever woman came along as your wife because you thought any woman could give you the "white picket fence, kids and dog" dream. You forgot to pay attention to the woman's personality - major mistake.

JoeAmer · Oct 15, 2011, 03:58 PM

After thinking about this, just wanted to add Ray408, if it is the latter, then you need to give serious thought about replacing her. I've known a few guys who tried to work something out with their cheating wife only to deeply regret it a few years later. They suffered through a lot of stress until they finally got rid of her.