[garboesque]

Hi! I'm dating a man who is currently working on his Ph.D. has a job on the side, and volunteers a lot- all things that I really admire, but also things that I realized get in the way (sometimes. I'll explain below). Basically, the guy doesn't communicate. We've talked about this and he told me to contact him, so I do (about every two or three days either via email or phone). Prior to this past week, things were going fine and we'd either talk or email. However, this past week he hasn't contacted me.
Last Tuesday he did inform me he missed a number of due dates for his dissertation and he's stressed, but he welcomes my company. Basically he's flat out refusing to communicate so I've stopped communicating with him not to be manipulative, but to give him space. He's going out of town and needs to turn in some papers, so I understand his need to get things done, but am I asking too much for even a quick email? Sometimes he does unplug his modem...
I do volunteer work as well and I also received my BA, so I understand how those things can take up lots of time. However, if he wanted to start a relationship with me, wouldn't he be willing to take some time out of the week to pursue me? I don't know if I'm asking too much (I was cheated on in my last relationship so I'll admit that I am very untrusting right now) and I'm trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but I really don't know what to do. We haven't seen each other in about two and a half weeks and haven't talk in almost a week. I just feel very conflicted right now and last time we talked he told me he really liked me and to be patient. I'm trying, but it's very hard.

[Wondergirl]

He sounds like an interesting challenge...

He also sounds a bit disorganized which isn't doing him any good in the pursuit of a Ph.D. It seems like he could let up on the volunteering work in order to put you closer to the top of his to-do list.

My thought is to keep giving him space... lots of space, and date others who wander your way. Things may work out in the future with the Ph.D. candidate, but if he's missing dates for his dissertation, this process could take a while. (I've heard of ten-year struggles to finish a dissertation.)

Let us know what you decide to do.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't be putting a lot of hope into someone that was that busy and couldn't MAKE time for me. Yeah give him space, all he wants, but don't stop your life, or pass up your own options and opportunities for this fellow.

He says the words, but doesn't do the actions, so what are you sitting waiting for?

Enjoy your life without him, and let him step up, or get gone. Seems a PHD is smart enough to figure it out.