[unsurebird]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have lived together for most of that time. I have always been aware of the fact that guys watch porn and fine with it. We have also watched porn together sometimes and I sometimes watch it alone. I have no issues with my boyfriend watching porn, which I know he does and probably masturbates to. That's all cool.

However, a few months back I saw in the computer history that this one webcam site had been frequently visited, so I began checking the history every now and then to see how often my boyfriend visited this site. Wasn't really bothered at this stage, just a little curious about what he was up to. Recently when I checked the computer history and clicked on one of the addresses, it took me straight to my boyfriend?s webcam site account and although I do not know his password, I can access his account through that link, so I can see when he?s last logged on, who he's been watching and how much money is on the account. I have discovered that in the past few weeks he has visited this site nearly all the nights I?m at work, so approx 4-5 times a week. He also spends money on this site and probably spent at least 50$ on it the past couple of weeks, could be more, I'm not sure. He seems to look at lots of different girls and couples also. They do not see him, he doesn't?t have a webcam.

I'm not really sure how to feel about this, a part of me thinks it's something I shouldn't worry about, that it's just porn and I should just let it be. BUT another part of me feels a little hurt and concerned, as he most likely is not just watching but chatting to these girls also. And he visits the site even after we've had sex.. I wonder if there's something missing in our relationship? If he's unhappy with our sex life? Am I inadequate? He says he is happy in our relationship and with our sex life, and personally I think we have a great sex life, we have sex mostly every day and we are quite open to trying out new stuff. The fact he is willing to spend money on it baffles me, as there is so much free stuff out there! I'm not sure whether he hasn't told me about this, because he wants to keep it as a personal thing, if he's embarrassed or think I wouldn't approve. Maybe all.

I know I'm going to need to talk to him about this, but trying to clear my head a little before I do that and hear what others think of the situation? Is chatting to naked girls online and watching them live common for guys to do? Should I think of it as just porn? Why is he spending money on this? Is this a big red warning flag or just quite normal male behaviour? I think what concerns me the most is that a) he actually interacts with these girls, although it's a "fake" world, b) he pays for the service c) he visits the site very frequently (in my opinion at least... ).

I would really appreciate thoughts from you blokes out there and others with similar experiences. Thanks in advance!

[vanheart]

Talk to him.

Let him know that this is bothering you.

Get to the bottom of why.

After 5 years, you should be able to talk.

[talaniman]

This isn't about the sex, or the money but how he spends his time and money, and that it bothers you. I would think its just his entertainment, but the bottom line is talking about it. TOGETHER.

It seems to me its no different than ordering a movie, and paying for it. Only you can know if its more than that, and you need more facts to judge, hopefully without snooping. Bottom line is how you approach it, calmly, and delicately, or he gets defensive and backs away, or shuts down.

You are wise though to get a cool head about you before acting out of shock, or impulse. So maybe asking him if he watches porn while you are away, would give you a path to the truth, or at least the start of a conversation, BUT fair warning here, if you expect the truth, you must also BE truthful.

Honest communications, as its only as big a deal as you make it. Frankly, its all porn to me.

[Jake2008]

If he is paying for sex, sexual encounters, sex talk, sex shows, interactive sex, yes, in my opinion he has a problem.

I know millions would disagree, but I don't see this behaviour as harmless.

There are strangers he chooses to engage, for the purpose of sexual gratification.

If you are uncomfortable with his behaviour in this regard, tell him. It sounds like he's been 'investing' his time in the porn industry for a long, long time to have reached a point where even after sex with you, he hops right back on the computer for more. Also telling is that the frequency, types of engagements, and length of time he's probably been doing it, let alone the money, indicates addiction to me.

His use of porn is causing a problem in his everyday life, and he isn't even aware of it, and thinks you aren't aware of it- he has been hiding his behaviour.

I hope you will post back again after you have talked to him, and let us know if HE thinks he has a problem.