[paperwing]

So, I'm 20 and I don't feel any sexual attraction to anyone, neither men nor women. And by sexual attraction I mean to want to have sex with someone in particular. But for me personally that doesn't mean that I don't want to have sex at all. I do want to have sex at some point (I've never had sex before so this is somewhat theoretical) it's just that I don't feel attracted to anyone, not like other people who see someone they find 'hot' and are attracted to them, so they'd like to have sex with them or at least imagine it or something.
That wouldn't be much of a problem because I don't think that my lack of sexual attraction in that way would really prevent me from having sex with someone I like in a romantic way and like I said, I have a certain sexual desire, it's just very impersonal, but my problem kind of is, that I can't really figure out my sexual orientation. Am I heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or, I don't know pansexual or whatever? I don't feel sexual attraction so I can't figure it out this way but I can imagine having sex with either gender - because in my mind it's quite mechanical so it doesn't really matter if it's a penis or a hand or a tongue or whatever doing the 'job' - so I can't figure it out this way either. Calling me asexual doesn't really fit either because I do want to have sex.

Soo... I don't think that this issue is going to be a huge problem in my day to day life, it's just that I'd like to know what to call it, for myself and because I don't really want to explain to people my whole life just because they ask me whether I'm gay or straight.

[DaniCalifornia]

Do you think it may just be that you haven't met anyone that particularly sparks your interest yet?

How do you feel about porn, or are there any celebrities that you're attracted to? Is it general, or just when there's the possibility of actually having sex with the person?

X Dani

[CravenMorhead]

Does it matter? You really don't need to categorize yourself, at least for anyone else.

Sexually is a continuum. Both in what you like and what your desire is. There are people who are very sexual. They can and will do anything out there. Then there are those who are essentially asexual. They don't have desires or urges they're just happy to be what they are. I think you are leaning more towards this end. Please understand that this isn't a binary situation but a spectrum.

The same can be said for orientation. No one is completely homosexual or heterosexual. There is always leanings in one direction or another.

The bottom line is that you do and feel what is right for you. Don't feel because it seems like you're missing out on something or someone. It could honestly be more damaging for you and the other if you were to get into a relationship just to be in a relationship. Just do what you feel is right and everything will fall into place.

[paperwing]

Thanks for your answer! =)

Well, I guess that could be - I mean, I can't be sure that it's not - but I have at least once had pretty strong feelings for a boy (I'm a girl, by the way, I think I forgot to clarify that in my first post) but the attraction was mostly on an emotional level. I've thought I'd like to have sex with him but it wasn't like I was physically drawn to him (at least that's what I imagine sexual attraction to be like) but more like a thought process, like "I like him" -> "people have sex with people that they like", something like that.

I haven't seen much porn but I guess I do find it kind of arousing (though it depends of course)and it's not like I have any hang-ups with sex or anything.

There aren't really any celebreties I'm attracted to. There are some that I like but more on an emotional level (as far as that's possible with people I don't really know) and there are some I find aesthatically pleasing but not really in a "omg he/she's so hot!! He/she has such a nice ***!" way like other people I know do (though I think I come closer to this with girls than with boys)

And the possibility to have sex has never really come up before but if it did I wouldn't say no just because I don't feel attracted (I have to really like the person though, of course). My lack of attraction doesn't really mean that I don't want to have sex in general it just means that I don't have the physical urge to have sex with someone in particular. Sex for me (as I imagine it) is more something I would want to have to be close to someone I love and/or because the physical part is pleasurable but not because I have the urge to have it.

Idk it's kind of hard to explain, haha.

[paperwing]

@CravenMorhead

Well, no, I mean, it doesn't REALLY matter and I don't think it's really all that important. And I don't want to categorize myself for other people - I actually don't think that this is even really possible. I only asked because I'm kind of on a self-discovery or something and I wanted to know what other people think about it.
I know that all these things like sexual orientation are quite fluid and nothing is absolute and I don't think I could - or even want to - to say "I am straight" or "I am gay" or whatever; to me that actually doesn't really matter. It's just that I'm curious and wanted to know where I'm leaning more.

The whole thing isn't really something I lose sleep over or anything, I just want to understand myself better because then some things are just easier. If I knew for example whether I'm more into boys or more into girls it would make it easier to look for someone but in the end it doesn't really matter, what happens happens and all that.

But thanks for your answer =)