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Chuks1 · Sep 30, 2011, 10:32 AM

I have been dating a girl I consider the love of my life for almost 2 years. In the last 2 years, every major fight we've had has had an element of her hanging up on me. The hang up thing is something that always exercabates the fight and drags it out longer. From the very beginning of the relationship, I've told her that for me, it's the ultimate no no.

A few days ago, I was looking through my old pictures on my phone.. And saw a picture of her from the first time we spent time together - I sent the picture to her over text message, jokingly told her that it was a pic of her when she was still "trying really hard to impress me" and that I wished that she still tried to impress me. She responded, upset that I was being negative and that it was a bad joke. I made it clear to her that I was obviously joking and that it was not her job to impress me and that I was only happily reminiscing about our new love from 2 years ago. Naturally, I was a bit irritated that I had to explain that I was joking. - All of this was over text message.

Few minutes later, she called me and I again told her it was a joke and that I was irritated that she didn't see that I was simply joking and expressing my love. Next thing I know.. She tersely stated that next time I have an issue with something she would never address it and... Click.. She hung up! I stood there, speechless.

A few hours later, I sent her a text message, simply stating that she has no regard for me, and that over the several times we have discussed my feelings about her hanging up, she refuses to change. Next day, she sent me an email - stating that she apologizes for hanging up but that "she's tired of telling me what to do to curb our conflicts," that I am so stubborn, she's tired of my stubbornness and that "I need to focus on developing my conflict resolution skills." Naturally, I believe the email was beyond rude, and I did not respond.

Needless to say, I am beyond irritated, hurt and confused. What do you think I should do.

Sleepless in Seattle

talaniman · Sep 30, 2011, 04:19 PM

She probably won't stop hanging up on you until you have better conflict resolution skills so maybe listening to her is something you should try.

Beats arguing over BS, and getting hung up on.

vanheart · Oct 2, 2011, 04:38 PM

Try getting together.

Lose the phones, text, email. Face to face, yo.
Start there.

Are you in a LD relationship?

bullski_69 · Oct 8, 2011, 06:23 AM

Well you made progress at least by not responding to the provcating email! It seems she is just looking for a reason to fight. I had a similar situation myself. I had a girl that I know really loved me but was constantly fighting for my affection in the same sort of way that you are, subtly trying to provoke her to show her emotions for you by dropping little hints, such as in your photo thing. Although I knew she was in love with me and I appreciated her efforts, it really irrated me that I had to constantly re-inforce my feelings for her and began snappy with her, just as she is with you. If at all possible I would try to not bring up such matters through technology, phone email etc and if possible avoid it all together. If you must bring it up do so when you are together in person, then she can't escape the situation by hanging up, she has to face it. She obviously doesn't see it as a big deal, so try not to make it a big deal! I hope this helps a little

J_9 · Oct 8, 2011, 06:45 AM

This is coming from a woman's point of view, and it is going to be harsh!

Originally Posted by Chuks1

I sent the picture to her over text message, jokingly told her that it was a pic of her when she was still "trying really hard to impress me" and that I wished that she still tried to impress me. She responded, upset that I was being negative and that it was a bad joke. I made it clear to her that I was obviously joking and that it was not her job to impress me and that I was only happily reminiscing about our new love from 2 years ago. Naturally, I was a bit irritated that I had to explain that I was joking. - All of this was over text message.

You weren't joking. If you were, you wouldn't have said what I have bolded above.

You were irritated? Think of how deflated you made her feel. I don't blame her for hanging up on you.

If you were "joking" with her you would have said something more along the lines of...

"You were as beautiful then as you are now. That's what attracted me to you."

Rather... you said... "I wished that she still tried to impress me."

That means that you don't think she is working as hard in this relationship as she did in the beginning.

I think you need to work on your communication skills a little better. You are lucky the two of you are still together because I would have kicked you to the curb if you told me this then in the next breath told me you were "joking."