[jayr1911]

I'm 40 regretfully & live in Leeds where I know hardly anyone as I was not brought up here or educated here etc. I was sent here July 2009 to go to a Brain Injury Rehabilitation Centre based on an accident I had a few years before that. I have spent 27 months in hospital, rehab for brain injury & follow up after care in the last decade.

I'm a confused, screwed up person that has never settled anywhere in this world as I was adopted in 1970 after being born in Manchester by an Irish family who had property on the Isle of Man. So I spent most of my younger life over on the Island & was sent to a Public Boarding School over there yet was expelled & got into trouble with the police & spent time in Borstal/Young Offenders yet went on holiday to Lanzarote in late teens & loved it so spent years working all over Europe, North Africa & Middle East primarily as a tour rep but also selling timeshare & pring. I've also lived & worked over most of the UK & Republic of Ireland. In 99 I gained a Degree in Aberdeen & it was just after that I was working in Crete & that is where the accident took place.

So here I am now in Leeds & I would say totally on my own as my adopted mother has gone & disowned me & I do not know the reason behind this, quite funny really as in June we went on holiday to Turkey & got on fine, my sister who was also adopted from a different family than me has done the same & once again I do not know the reason behind this. My birth mother apparently has been searching for me for over a decade at least & only lives in Manchester but we have been having contact via emails yet she is changing her mind on a continuous basis of when we will meet. I have no recollection of her as she passed me over when I was a baby & that is the last time I saw her. I do have 2 friends here in Leeds but they have their own problems & issues to deal with so I have all this building on inside me with no one to talk to & share problems with, also on top of that I have epilepsy due to the accident I had & it is OK when controlled, now I use the word controlled in a surreal way as I always take my tablets for it, but seizures only tend to strike when full of anxiety leading on to depression/stress.

Well enough said for now & would be great to here back from someone ASAP x...

[0rphan]

Hi jayr,. you have had a lot of things to deal with in your life,but the thing that stands out to me ,is that your need to belong somewhere.I think everyone is like that,they need to know where their original roots are,whether they are there or not,it's just knowing.

You have been very lucky with such a serious injury,from what you have written it seems your left with epilepsy,which you control with drugs making it manageble for you.

I think being sent to Leeds was obviously part of your recovery, which of course would have been necessary,however, you are not happy there and I'm wondering if you are now able to move on.

Your adoptive family seem to be giving you the cold shoulder,what about other members of the family, do you corresponed with them? Or could you front up to your adoptive mother and sister,asking why they have turned against you,they could at least be civil and give reasons as to why.Would you be strong enough to do this!

I can see that you desperately need to leave Leeds, your not happy,if your birth Mother is only in Manchester,it makes sense to go there meet up and see how thing work out between the two of you.
You say she keeps changing her mind about the meeting,well, I would take the initiative and just inform her that you will be arriving at such and such station at... time /day.Someone has to make the first move,I think it has to be you.

I am sure that over the years she has thought about you many times,there would have been good reasons for having you adopted,usually there isn't a choice,I am sure she was broken hearted to let you go.

The fact that you are now in contact, would fill her with worry.Many things would be going through her head.She'll be thinking about questions you may ask,and will you welcome her answers.To speak via e-mail is so much differrant than face to face.I am sure you will both be very nervous at first but when you settle down maybe over a cuppa in the nearrest café,I am sure the worrys will ease and the conversation will flow between you.

Jayr I think this is the first thing that you need to do, to just find some kind of base in your life.
It may be that you and your mum will hit it off straight away,I am sure that if there is space where she lives you will be welcome with open arms... I wish you much luck