[sunbeamrunner]

First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this, I really value any feedback or input you guys have.

I have been dating this new guy for about 4 months now. I know this isn't long but I am concerned about the level of affection he shows towards me, or lack of. He is just turned 31 (I am 26) and he has a 6 year old child from his last relationship. We all get along great and his family all say that his son has really taken to me.

He has said that he loves me. But I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words and the way he is with me makes me question if he really does love me. When we are out together he shows me no affection, he doesn't hold hands, not even a peck on the cheek. At a family meal his sister commented on how distant he is with me and this asked if this was normal. I was so stunned I didn't know what to say. It really upset me as it made me think that he must have been different with his ex.

I spoke to him about it and he said that he is just not that affectionate and that his last relationship was so crummy he is finding it hard to adjust to being with someone that loves him. I stupidly thought he would change a bit for me after this discussion but things are still the same, to the extent where I am afraid of saying I love you to him for fear of feeling dumb and foolish if he doesn't say it back.

We live a far distance apart so only see each other 1-2 times a week which kills me. He barely texts me (whereas he used to text me loads), so I guess this makes the lack of affection when we are together harder as I know that I have missed him loads by the time we meet up, but he doesn't seem to show it unless we are alone (when it may be the odd peck on the cheek).

Am I over reacting? He hasn't been able to meet any of my friends or family yet so I have no one to confide in.

[talaniman]

I stopped at "dating for 4 months". Way to soon to know if this stranger is even worth being in a committed, exclusive relationship with, and this should be nothing but fun, and some great dates. Maybe that's what he is thinking, I don't know.

If after a few months its not fun then you stop dating.

[vanheart]

"I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words"

Me too!!
If you believe it, then, well...



What's funny is that his sister saw it & you didn't. Love is blind.

You are infatuated, in this LD relationship & he isn't bringing it. All in 4 months.


"his last relationship was so crummy he is finding it hard to adjust to being with someone that loves him"

No sh$$t. That's VERY key. He isn't ready, recovered, or knows what he wants. Stop pressing it.

You are moving faster then he his.

Take heed.

[Rhyme4NoReason]

Wow. That's absolutely heartbreaking, and I totally know what you're going through. Sometimes it's just not the right time, you know? Right now his focus may be work and his child, family. Not you. And although that's not a bad thing, it's a hurtful thing.

I mean, if you two don't see each other often, then he should be hugging and kissing you almost immediately when he sees you. You should just feel at ease.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope one day you'll realize that it's not you, but him, and how he's emotional unavailable.

In the end, it's up to you. What do you want in a relationship? And are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for someone that barely even notices you?

Don't fight for someone's affection, FIGHTING for anything is draining, overwhelming, and heartbreaking.

Goodluck.

[sunbeamrunner]

Thank you so much for all the advice. I can't say that it was what I wanted to hear but I appreciate your honesty. I spoke to his sister about the situation and she assured me that he hasn't been this happy in a long time and that he has never spoken about a girl as much as he has done with me.

I am very confused and conflicted. One moment I think, he has been going through a hard time with his ex, his child's mother (who his sister said is a fruit loop) so I feel I should give him some allowances for that. But on the other hand I feel that if he really wanted me and to make things work then I would know about, from his actions and what he says, I wouldn't need to question it.

Confused doesn't even come close. He has also asked if I would move in with him once I have passed my driving test.

[talaniman]

Maybe take a few more months to know more about him, his motives, and what he wants.

In my opinion, from what you have written, its way to soon for all this confusion. That in itself says you guys are moving to fast, and expecting too much for just 4 months.

Slow down! What's the hurry to rush and throw together a relationship. Build slow, build solid. You strangers to each other are carried away is my guess.