[brttnygrdn]

I am a 20 year old lesbian female and I have been talking to this girl who is 19 (who was previously straight before me) for 2.5 months. She has liked me for 2 years but I was dating someone when I first met her. We started talking recently and things moved fast. We have told each other we love each other for about 2 weeks now.

2 days ago she told me that she had kissed a male. We agreed in our relationship that drunken kisses were just kisses. But then she told me she actually had feelings for him because she thought he was attractive and that he is a boy and her mother would approve. (her mom doesn't know about me) Her mom is really hard on her as it is and would freak out if she knew and I completely understand.

She is 2 hours away from me at college but I visit at least once a week, sometimes twice. The boy she kissed lives across the street from her apartment at school and hangs out with her male roommates. I told her that I think we should take a 2 week break so that she could figure out what she wants and talk to the boy to figure out who she wants to be with.

She has been really upset since the whole thing happened. She said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone but doesn't want to lose me. What does that mean? I am so confused on what to do. She said that she wants me but also her freedom because she is young and unsure of what she wants. I love her so yes I am very iffy on what to do and do not want to say the wrong thing to push her away.

Also, she said the reason she feels the way she does at the moment is because we talk about the future and I told her I wouldn't bring up the future again.

What should I do?

[vanheart]

"She said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone but doesn't want to lose me"
"She says she loves me but wants her "freedom"

Both of those are opposites. Nice one.

Decide for her, split. That may be the most empowering thing you've ever done. Try it.

Do not be her friend until she decides. She knows how you feel. She doesn't feel the same.
Right?

She just wants her options open, while you hang around.

Never be someone's option.

[Jake2008]

I love this question.

You are very thoughtful and insightful to allow your girlfriend the time and space she needs to figure things out. You are also wise to set your own expectations by setting a time limit. Sometimes, actually many times, relationships that head into the "I need space" zone, go on for months and years with one partner wanting a relationship, but not committed enough to stop seeing other people.

I am glad you are not in the position of being willing to wait forever, and be at the mercy of a partner who doesn't know what she wants. For whatever reason.

If she was playing fair, she would also be giving herself two weeks to reflect and decide what she wants to do. If she was playing fair, she would not be considering holding onto you, while at the same time, checking other potential partners out.

Yet another reason not to wait.

As painful as it is, you are doing the right thing for yourself. I would advise you not to contact her within the time periond you've both agreed on, save for a few days before the end of the two weeks. Then I would contact her, and say that you would like to meet with her to discuss your relationship, on a certain date.

If you get the same as many, if not most do in this 'space zone' she will need more time, it isn't convenient to meet, she has to study, etc. etc. etc. then you know that she is not willing, able, or mature enough to decide what she wants.

I totally agree with Vanheart, and be very, very careful of her wanting a different relationship with you, i.e. friend, and not partner.

Be prepared not to be manipulated. Stay strong, and accept that what you want and need from a relationship, may not be something she is willing to give. To compromise, would just further the heartbreak as you would continue to hope that she would eventually end up with you.

All the best of luck to you.

[talaniman]

She wants to explore her other options, then let her. But you should never allow yourself to be an option, for anyone. That's not love.

[laurenJhartley]

To be fair , I don't think its to do with you personally she just doesn't know what she wants atall , I personally think you should move on and be with some one who knows what they want as that would be much more steady and happy