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Guest100 · Sep 15, 2011, 07:49 PM

About 6 months ago, I met this guy through a friend of a friend. He got my number, started texting very regularly (at least 5 days a week) and eventually asked me to dinner which we did twice. Once more we hung out. After several months of this - occasional phone calls, regular texts, MANY times telling me how much he liked me, how he had never met anyone like me but was a little shy around me, and a few dinners, etc, etc... He asked me to his family's mountain house for the weekend with him and his Dad. We had a good weekend. He talked about how it was a big step for him to be asking a girl to the house, it had been a while, etc. So... I left there on cloud 9. Then, the following week was very limited contact (no phone calls, little texting), he went out of town the next weekend, then he went out of town the next weekend. I have hinted at (several times) that I'd like to spend time with him, told him I had a great time in the mountains. He either ignored those comments or sort of blew them off with a smart comment/joke. Now it's been several days since I've talked to him at all. Any ideas what could have happened?

talaniman · Sep 17, 2011, 05:15 PM

I will assume there has been no intimacy, but a few days is not something to panic about. I would wait a few more days and see where he has been, and then drop this thing.

How well did you get to know each other? He may just be busy. Just guessing though.

ITstudent2006 · Sep 17, 2011, 06:20 PM

It's hard to say since your relationship may have had serious intentions but actions were that of friends. Unless of course intimacy was involved.

Either way, I would ask him. You could either sit around thinking about it and probably guessing wrong and worrying over it, or you can just shoot him a text or a phonecall.

Communication is key in any relationship. Friends, bf/gf, married, etc...

Guest100 · Sep 18, 2011, 07:52 AM

There was some intimacy involved, but not the most intimate... in a nutshell, it was a girl/guy attraction relationship vs. a friendship.

I ended up texting him and just asking him flat out if something was going on, and I never heard back from him.

Just trying to figure out how it went from 60 to zero! Moving toward something, getting to know each other better, spending more time together, then - nothing.

talaniman · Sep 18, 2011, 10:09 AM

It happens sometimes as peoples feelings and circumstances change beyond their, or your control. Of course you are disappointed, and confused by not knowing what's happened, but what matters is what you do about it. When faced with uncertainty, or confusion, I think it best to back up, and re evaluate, maybe its something you missed, but fact is, no matter what happened to him, he hasn't shared it with you, and has in fact, not communicated anything with you.

That in itself would make me cautious and suspicious of his motives, as what does a text take? A phone call? Just an effort if he cared, and clearly, he does NOT. Not even as a friend. That's the way I see his disappearance, and that's the way you should treat this, he didn't share your same feelings about exploring a friendship, or relationship.

It happens more than you think in real life, one person doesn't want what the other wants, and they have to go their separate ways. The main thing is you don't forget this, what you are going through NOW, if he does raise his head in your life ever again.

Acceptance is your closure, despite not knowing the details behind it. Don't pass up future options and opportunities over this fellow, or be stuck on someone who was not as stuck on you.

That's how you move forward, until other facts can become known to you.

I wish · Sep 19, 2011, 08:56 AM

Sounds like he's unsure of how to let you down, so he's letting you down by slowly igoring your texts in hopes that you get the hint. Unfortunately, he's not willing to share his side of the story for whatever reason, so it's difficult to rationalize what happened, but the bottom line is, he lost interest and he letting you know by ignoring you.

Since we have no idea what his version of the story is, it's better not to venture a guess or make assumptions. Focus on moving on with your life and find someone else who feels the same way about you.

Guest100 · Sep 20, 2011, 07:36 PM

Thanks for all of your insight. I just found out (from a mutual friend) that he got let go from his job and is moving back home to Seattle. Who know if work-related stuff could have contributed to his lack of respect and decency to me, but either way, I guess he'll be off my radar.

maharajan2011 · Sep 20, 2011, 08:59 PM

I am glad you are over with this guy. Are you sure he really lost his job or made this mutual friend to convey this story

I wish · Sep 21, 2011, 08:55 AM

I wouldn't take it so personality. Losing your job can be a big hit on a person's confidence and not everyone can handle the stress well.

brooklyn2323 · Sep 25, 2011, 04:17 PM

I just read a great article about this... it said that there are lots of guys out there who hate to hurt women's feelings or get into a confrontation and will go to great lengths to avoid.

He is not going to tell you what's up? Women need words for closure and that is unfortunate for us but... in this case his actions is speaking louder than his words. If he lost his job, he probably doesn't want to be bothered.

Ladies,
If we stop wasting "your time" and "your energy" and your "beautiful self" on those wrong guys who are
Just losers or ONES THAT ARE DECENT BUT WHO Aren't INTO YOU ENOUGH which probably isn't your fault.

You will free yourself up to be available for the right guy who really adores you. It what you have to do