[mnbcaillouet]

I am in a rather weird situation. I am 26 years old, have 2 kids (one 6 and one 2) and was married for 6 years. I left my ex (husband) a while back because there were some pretty bad things going on in our marriage (irrelevant to this topic anyways). Anyway I met this guy who just turned 21 and we have been dating for a few months now. The age difference is sometimes weird for me but he is very mature for his age. He is very driven, kind towards others, goes out of his way to help people. He has treated me with the up most respect and integrity. He has changed certain things about his lifestyle because I have kids and he didn't want me to have to worry about it.

After being with him for a few months I have fallen in love with him. This is still kind of a new relationship even though it feels much longer than what its been. We connect very well and we talk about anything & everything.

We both work in fast food. (he has dyslexia (sp?) and dropped out of school because of frustrations with learning. I finished high school and took one year of college) Anyway we are both always broke and we are both unhappy with our jobs. I have photography I can always fall back on. We struggle with bills. We could move in with each other and it would save money but I don't think it would be best for my children right now, and plus my divorce isn't final. His dream has always been to join the military... the only thing stopping him is getting his g.e.d. Which I am pretty confident I can help him pass it.

The problem is he is torn between joining and continuing our relationship. If I know him he will just miss out on that opportunity to just be with me. He feels like if he joins he couldn't be with me because it would be unfair to me. I have kids and cannot leave the state because of their father. He wouldn't want to be that far from me all the time. I feel torn myself. I love him and I just want to see him happy. Its really scary to me that there is a potential I might lose him. I told him no matter what he does I will always support whatever decisions he makes. I tried not to but I started crying. I think I just realized how much he means to me. I kind of feel like if there's a chance he may go that I just want to end it so I don't wind up heartbroken either. He says he loves me and doesn't want to go anywhere. But that if he goes he will be unhappy because he would be without me, but if he doesn't he would have never gotten to live out his dream. I feel bad... like I would feel selfish for making him decide to not go. I know what it feels like to not get to carry out your dreams when you had the chance. & we are still in a new relationship and it would be unfair for me to force him to make such a huge decision like that. He has been saying things like he wants this to last a long time. Hopefully one day we could get married... I don't know I think we are both confused. I know he is unhappy with his job and that has a lot to do with his wanting to join. He doesn't feel like he could get a better job without college education. I really don't know. I have a lot of my own problems to sort through before I can make such huge decisions about my future either.

I told him I just want him to do what makes him happy. & I mean it. Even if it means we may not be together. :(

Any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

He is correct, he will be anywhere in the world, and you can not move there with the kids. So the relationship will be hard with a long distance relationship for ever how many years he wants to serve.

So this is a choice you both have to go and look at and talk about.

[talaniman]

He is 21 and needs to build a better future for himself. That doesn't mean with the right guidance and support, you can't be in each others lives though, and he needs to understand that.

After only a few months, neither of you should be looking to forget the real priorities in your lives for each other. WAY TO SOON for that kind of thinking.

Enjoy getting to know each other, as you work toward your own individual goals for now. Don't panic, there is no hurry, no rush, or no urgency to move to fast on a relationship.

[0rphan]

Agree with Talaliman on this one... you have to let him live out his dream,should you remain together and problems develop he will always blame you... even though he says he won't... he will