[lorrilye07]

"I just postponed my wedding, which was originally scheduled for October of this year, due to my fiancée having qualms about our young age and preparedness for a joint life. He's been very physically distant lately, and most of our conversations are ending in arguments. We always try to go to bed happy, but I feel like there is resentment building. After 4 years and a few bumps along the way, is it better to just walk away? I love him, and he tells me every night that he feels the same, but I am sensing that he is losing his respect for me due to our contrasting perspectives on daily living. If I feel like he is treating me as a subordinate instead of an equal, and no longer considers my own emotions, should I throw away all our history and just start fresh on my own?

[Cat1864]

Do you mind giving your ages?

First, you are quite correct to postpone the wedding until you can work through the problems.

It is normal to have some doubts when you are going into a life changing event. Most of the time those doubts are easily overcome by knowing deep down you are making the right decision.

However, sometimes they are warning signs trying to get your attention before it is too late. In this case, he is worried about your ages. That is something time takes care of for you. Being 'young' doesn't mean you don't have the maturity to learn how to communicate and work together to build a strong and lasting marriage. Your issue that you feel like he is more distant could be attributed to nerves. If both of you weren't nervous you wouldn't be human.

The big issue as I see it is you feel like less like a partner and more as a subordinate plus he seems to be discounting your emotions. Have you tried talking to him when there are as few distractions as possible? If he doesn't listen, have your tried writing down your concerns?

If he isn't communicating with you and working with you on the issues, it may be best to walk away. It won't get better after marriage. Actually it could even get worse.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, you live together ? Do everything a man and wife do, except you don't have the license ?
Sounds more like a commitment issue or concern over the legal aspects of marriage.

[whit17]

That is a difficult decision. But remember: all couples have their arguments, whether big or small. Try to stick it out. If this continues, then I would start thinking about breaking it off.