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nikkiwv322 · Sep 5, 2011, 02:20 PM

I love my husband very much, but we only have sex in three or four positions... he NEVER talks dirty to me, and I want that so much, I think its HOT! When I start talking dirty to him, the most I get back in return is "yeah"... I bought restraints, never touched... I bought sexy little thigh highs and put them on the other night, he laughed. I feel so completely unappreciated and I want more than what Im getting sexually... HELP! Before we got married, he used to talk dirty to me in bed, but once we moved in and got married... screeching halt. I don't know what to do to spice it up, when I try, I get laughed at. Im hoping its not too late for our sex life. Ive tried talking to him, but he says that talking dirty is not something he does, that he " is concentrating too hard to formulate a sentence"... Any suggestions?

Cat1864 · Sep 5, 2011, 03:13 PM

Do you mind saying how long you have been married and how long you were together before marriage?

It's only too late when you have given up and moved on.

Have there been any other changes that might have him 'distracted' such as changes in work or health? How is the rest of the marriage? Does he show affection in other ways? Do you spend time together just having fun with no thoughts of sex? Do you still 'date'? Going out and spending time keeping the relationship new and from getting stuck in a rut?

I wonder if he is having difficulty separating your roles as 'wife' and 'lover'. For some people, a wife is what their was and mothers/wives are not supposed to be playful/adventurous in bed. It goes along with the thinking that parents never have sex. It is something that the person may not even realize is affecting his/her thoughts and libido.

Sit down with him and talk about your sex life. Talk about the differences before and after marriage. Not about spicing it up, but looking at why the changes happened. For example the change in talking dirty.

Ask why he thinks things are different. Find out if his expectations changed with marriage. If he thinks a wife is supposed to act differently than a lover does. Be honest that your expectations haven't changed.

Remember that it isn't a confrontation and you aren't making demands. This is about working together to find the issues so that you can find compromises.

nikkiwv322 · Sep 5, 2011, 03:29 PM

We have been married for about 9 months now, were together almost a year before marrying. We dated several years ago also and have known each other for over 15 years as friends. We worked together, in fact, he was my boss when we were both paramedics. He grew up with older parents that were extremely religious and I think it was this upbringing that has somehow now started to affect our sex life. We still get out for dates, sometimes. I have 6 daughters from my first marriage, with the youngest being a set of two year old twins, so date times are somewhat limited. But we do get out, we are great friends, we laugh all the time and even complete each others sentences. I truly believe that we are great for each other. Its just that the sex has now become stale. He used to say things during sex, like " thats my girl, yeah baby"... even something just as simple as that really did it for me. Now its like he has stopped trying to be sexy and doesn't see me as sexy anymore either.

Cat1864 · Sep 5, 2011, 04:34 PM

I still think you need to sit down with and talk about the changes. It could be his upbringing is influencing his subconscious mind. It could be having a house full of girls who might hear. It could be thinking of himself as a daddy now and how would he want a male to treat 'his' girls.

I'll be honest that it may be something you might need a marriage counselor to help figure out if that is an option to you. It sounds like you have the foundation for a great marriage. This is something that might need a bit more adjustment and patience to work out.