[Markmpk]

I'm a 20 year old male, she's 22, we've been together well over a year now. I've been in a couple of long term sexual relationships in the past and had no problems with sex, however she hasn't really had a long term relationship before and lost her virginity to a squaddie about a month or so before we started dating. Alas, it took her ages to feel ready to have sex with me, not that she really wanted to.. she admits herself that nothing really turns her on at all and she gets no pleasure from her vagina at all. I've tried lots of things, oral, fingers, different sexual positions, literally nothing gives her pleasure. She always tells me it's her issue so I shouldn't feel bad but it's damn frustrating. I find it very strange that not only does she have no libido but she gets no pleasure full stop. We have sex every now and then but mainly she does it to keep me happy, I always try to pleasure her during but she just tells me to finish. I'm going to afghan for 6 months in about a months time, so I'd like this issue resolved while I'm still here lol.

[Cat1864]

I am going to break this up into two parts yours and hers.

On your part, your perceptions and expectations affect how you approach the situation. What do you consider long term sexual relationships? What do you consider 'ages before' she 'felt ready' to have sex with you?

What do consider to be foreplay and how much time do you spend on it?

What do you consider to be the most erogenous area on a female?

What are you going to do if this isn't 'fixed' to your satisfaction before you deploy?

On her part, she is quite right that it is her problem. It is not one you can fix for her. She has to want to figure out what is going on and go from there. Even if she makes that decision today, it could be years before she finds any pleasure in sex.

Is she on any medications including hormonal birth control methods that might be lowering her libido?
Does she have any medical issues such as Depression?

A complete check up including hormone levels, might be something she can do to see if there is a medical cause for her libido being low.

She doesn't get pleasure from her 'vagina'. Most women don't. The vagina itself has very few nerve endings. While the clitoris is the most sensitive external body part, it isn't the most important erogenous zone. Her brain is. If she doesn't know what turns her on and she isn't getting mentally stimulated, then her body isn't going to be either.

What is her view of sex? What does she think sex should be?

Does she masturbate? Does she try to fantasize, look at erotica in any of its many forms, do anything to encourage herself to feel sexy?