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EastCoastJohn · Aug 24, 2011, 08:33 AM

I'm 42, divorced with two grown children. My girlfriend is 39, never married, no kids. We have been together for about 5 months. Our relationship is great, we have grown very close, spend a lot of time together, and get along very well. However, there is this guy she is friends with, that she "hooked up" with a few times a couple years ago. He blew her off then, and they didn't talk for a while, but they have become friends again. He has tried, at least twice, to start it up again recently... back in October 2010, and this spring. He texts her occasionally, and they also have a business relationship. Now she has a job offer from his company to work with him. He called her about it last week. It's his brother's company, and he told her that he has nothing to do with it, but she is the only candidate right now. After discussing with me, she said she wouldn't take it, but she is still going to meet with them on Monday to hear them out. My gut tells me that the offer will be substantial and they will do their best to sell her on the job. Any comments or opinions on how to deal with this? This is the short version and I can tell you more detail if you want... I already wrote it out with more information, but I felt the post was too long.

Any help would be appreciated.

excon · Aug 24, 2011, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by EastCoastJohn

It's his brother's company, and he told her that he has nothing to do with it, but she is the only candidate right now. After discussing with me, she said she wouldn't take it, but she is still going to meet with them on Monday to hear them out.

Hello East:

So, why is she meeting with "them", instead of the brother alone??

Here's the deal... If she's going to screw around on you, then she is, and she'll find a way to do it - NOW or later. If she's NOT, then trust her. Here's another piece of advice... Guys who are AFRAID of losing the girl, LOSE the girl. If she detects your neediness, she's gone.

excon

EastCoastJohn · Aug 24, 2011, 08:47 AM

Excon, I totally get what you are saying... but tell me, would you be comfortable with this situation? It wouldn't bother you to have your girlfriend or wife take a job with a guy who still tries to get her into bed? Working with him side by side every day, working late, going on business trips together? She tries to assure me that she has no interest in him, but she invited him back into her life recently, and now this. I'm trying to decide whether to stick it out if she takes the job.

Whoops, forgot to answer your question... the brother has a partner who will be at the meeting. I'm not sure if the guy who likes her will be there or not.

excon · Aug 24, 2011, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by EastCoastJohn

Excon, I totally get what you are saying... but tell me, would you be comfortable with this situation?

Hello again, East:

Yes, I would... If I decided to TRUST her, then I would. I wouldn't just mouth the words about trust. But, if you DON'T trust her, then you DON'T, and thinking you do, and making a deal with her based on it, is FOOLING yourself.

The trust thing is in YOUR head... You either have it, or you don't. There AIN'T no in between. I don't know your girl. I don't know if she's EVER given you reason NOT to trust her. IF she's EVER lied to you, then OF COURSE, you don't trust her, nor should you.

But, inviting the guy back into her life, and TELLING you about it, in and of itself, ISN'T reason to distrust her.

excon

EastCoastJohn · Aug 24, 2011, 09:19 AM

Thanks Excon, I appreciate your response. I realize that my feelings on this are mostly based on insecurity, and I'll have to deal with that myself without projecting it onto my girlfriend. I DO trust her, but there are a couple situations from her past that made me raise an eyebrow, and wonder a little. I also think she is a little naïve to this guys intentions. She has sort of put the pressure on me to tell her what to do, and I didn't like that. I'd rather her evaluate the situation and come to a decision on her own. I'd respect whatever she decided and make it work.

excon · Aug 24, 2011, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by EastCoastJohn

She has sort of put the pressure on me to tell her what to do, and i didn't like that. I'd rather her evaluate the situation and come to a decision on her own. I'd respect whatever she decided and make it work.

Hello again, East:

Maybe she's testing YOU. Look. I'm not into games, and if you fall for THIS test, there will surly be more to come.. You'll fail one or two, and when she screws some guy, she'll blame you for it. Relationships are difficult enough to figure out without all this other trash thrown in.

I don't know what to tell you.

excon

talaniman · Aug 26, 2011, 11:19 AM

Its okay to have misgivings about the whole situation. Any one would. But don't let that stop you from trusting her, and just see what happens next. She may well do as she says and turns it down, or maybe it will be to good to pass up. Either way, don't let your fears and insecurities cloud your judgment, or push you to rash actions. If you have more details, share them, we don't mind long stories here, and the more facts the better.

That's my advice at this time, make your decisions based on facts, and not just feelings.

Trust her, or you don't and you may never trust the other guy though, I never do. But as EX said, if they want to cheat, they will find a way no matter what you do.