[wife07231994]

Second marriage of 17 years and in our 50's. I've often been the one who initiates sex and we have a very fulfilling sex life from my perspective. On average we have sex 2x a week. I get turned on from giving oral sex and can reach orgasm when receiving it. We've watched porn together and I've been adventurous on many of his desires IE: outdoor sex, nudist camps, etc. I just discovered he is watching porn without me when I'm away for an evening. Is this normal? He used to turn me down when I'd come on to him sometimes claiming he was too tired, so I haven't been as aggressive as I used to be. I'm embarrassed to bring this up with him but I discovered the porn by accident. I truly never believed he needed it without me because I'm always so available to him. This hurts my ego a little. Not the fact that he watches but that he hides it.

[CravenMorhead]

Is this normal. Yes. At least for the most part.

He has the porn not because he is unsatisfied with you but probably because he wants the seed for a masturbatory session. He is probably as satisfied with his love life as you are. It isn't a reflection on you, he just needed to clean the pipes and needed something to help him out.

Exhaustion does tend to limit the libido as well. So if he says he is too tired it is probably because he is too tired.

Being available to him is good but guys need some alone time as well. It isn't that he isn't satisfied it is just that the pipes need a quick cleaning. I know I am not explaining this very well.

You might want to talk to him about this. Good Communication can solve a lot of hurt feelings.

[wife07231994]

Thank you Craven M. You explained things just fine. What I hear is that I shouldn't take his actions personally, and should just trust what he tells me about our love life. I'm fine with that. He's never given me a reason to doubt him before... Still happily married.

[CravenMorhead]

Exactly. :-)

[shazamataz]

I agree with Craven, nothing wrong with him watching porn without you as long as it is not affecting your sex life.

If you find he is constantly turning you down in favor of his hand then yes, there may be a problem that you need to discuss but if you are both still happy sexually I wouldn't let it worry you.
Sex with a partner versus masturbation are two entirely different things, I am very happy in my own sex life, but still masturbate on occasion. My partner knows this and understands, the same way I understand that he does the same thing.

If at any point you do feel that is is affecting things then you should be able to talk to him about it. Even if it is just casually, if you found a video on his computer you could make a joke out of it... "Feeling a bit lonely while I was away were you" for example.