[Chicness20]

So almost a month ago I found out my ex boyfriend was making plans to hook up with an ex. This was talked about in the very beginning of our relationship as a no no, so I was more than just surprised to hear about this. The last message he sent her was telling her that things between us were getting better and he didn't want to mess anything up further. But Facebook is the devil and I saw what I saw and it was enough for me. I know he didn't do anything with her but the fact that he was contacting her and making plans to be unfaithfull killed a lot of the respect I had for him. We have been on and off for a year and a half, and this was enough for me not to go running back to him. He knows I'm dating and isn't used to it.

But everyone tells me that he has been off ever since the breakup. He drinks more than before, and is trying to reconnect religiously (He knows he was on a dark path). We contact each other every other week, and I can tell he is making big changes in his life. He has apologized for everything and admitted that he wasn't acting like the man he thought himself to be. I know he wants to get back with me, but I'm torn. I moved on only so I wouldn't go back. I am in a relationship with a good guy now but know it's not fair. I could be happy with him but I also see that some of his goals (he's not shy about them) are almost too ambitious for me to see myself apart of. So after this looonnng winded explanation of my love life, I must ask the question.

Could he have been acting out as a young man who can change for the better, only if I keep minimal contact with him for the time being? Or should I move on completely and just take note of the experience.

~~~Torn and In Love

[talaniman]

I think you move on, and stop torturing him with that minimal contact stuff. Yes it's a learning experience, for you both, but don't look back.

[I wish]

Anything is possible. There's going to be a lot of risks involved in whatever decision you make.

You may risk going back to something that will only fall apart again. You could risk losing someone great (i.e. the person that you are with). You could be missing out on something great because your ex could very well change into a much better person.

There's no way to predict the future. The question is, are you willing to take the risk and suffer the consequences of your decision if things don't turn out the way you hoped?

[whit17]

Oh sweetheart, I have totally been there. See, my view on this is the typical "that's what they all say". But you know him and I don't, so you have just got to go with your heart. It is hard, but life is just that way, espacially with men. I would say keep with the relationship you are in, unless your heart tells you otherwise. A lot of guys I have dated have done this same thing. They don't want you to move on, they have themselves in mind instead on how things should be between you. Its jealousy. I had gone back to one guy 4 times before I realized that he cheated on me 3 of those 4 times, and he denied me whenever the other girl asked. She actually knew me from church, and finally gave in and told me their dirty little secret. But like I said, listen to your heart. The drinking and things could be what he is using to guilt trip you into what he wants you to do. Be careful