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Tartan Army · Aug 17, 2011, 12:19 AM

Hi all,

I need to hear some thoughts on this particular subject please.

Both my girlfriend and I have been going out with each other for 3 years and we usually see each other about 2-3 times per week. We're quite active sexually and in the 2-3 times per week I see her usually at least one day of that week we're having sex.

After having a long chat with her, she told me she finds our routine boring(we had set nights for seeing each other) and that we should change it up. However, on top of this, she also said we "realistically" don't know if this will last forever, which obviously got me worried. We both love each other lots and we both want to stay in this relationship but part of me feels that she might not be ready and that she could be insecure.

I agree with her that it isn't healthy to have set days for seeing each other, it should be spontaneous and we should want to see each other when we feel, not to have set days where we have to see each other. We've also decided to text less so that we'll have more to speak about when we see each other.

Should I be worried about this sudden change of heart? I was a bit shocked when she said our routine was boring as I usually suggest us going a walk, going to the local pub for a drink, going out a run. I'm probably thinking the worst because this is the first little hiccup we've both had.

Any thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

yveted · Aug 17, 2011, 12:27 AM

Love is a woman with the ears, and if the men will love, but love is to use your eyes .

vanheart · Aug 17, 2011, 05:26 PM

Talk to her. Communication is lacking here. That's the basis of healthy, lasting relationships.

Figure out what exactly this relationship is based on. Why?

What's underneath? And if either one of you want to grow together. If the next level is what you both want.

"she also said we "realistically" don't know if this will last forever"

Ask her why.

Is this a 3 year part-time fling?

Time for change.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2011, 08:28 PM

Talk to her about where this relationship is going, and be honest, you are in a rut of a routine, and no goals as to what to do besides repeat old stale habits. You better figure out what's next in a hurry.

amicon · Aug 17, 2011, 09:53 PM

How old are you?
And what has been the plan here?
Dating forever?
It seems communication has been lacking over the years you have been together.
I fear she's on her way out...

Tartan Army · Aug 18, 2011, 12:04 AM

Hi guys, I'm 24 and she's 19 - it's only recently that this has come to fruition about the routine being boring. To my knowledge she's been more than happy with it but had thought about it last week and we both agree steps need to be taken to change it.

We always speak so I don't feel communication is an issue here I just have a feeling given her age she's not ready for a serious relationship and this is what's possibly pushing myself away. She wants to go out with her friends and also see me which I have no problem with as I do the same myself. I'm not ready to settle down yet with her and I know for a fact she isn't either.

She thinks very highly of me as I do of her I'm just not sure if my head is in it now with seeing how this new change will work in the next 2 weeks. I don't want to lose her and she feels exactly the same about me but whenever I try to suggest things to her it's either a) shot down or b) she's too tired to do something. Yet she can go out with her friends until the early hours of the morning and see them almost everyday without being bored with them.

amicon · Aug 18, 2011, 12:11 AM

So you've been together since she was 16-yes I would agree she wants her freedom now and whether that includes a relationship with you only time will tell.

Tartan Army · Aug 18, 2011, 12:17 AM

That's correct Amicon - I don't want to tie her down and wrap her in cotton wool. I know she needs to hang about with her friends as well, we all do. We used to see each other when we wanted and never had any problems with it whatsoever, it was good because I could see my friends when I wanted, as could she but the past 6-8 months this "routine" somehow developed and instead of going out with friends when asked we stuck to seeing each other on those specific nights.

I much preferred the old spontaneous way as I feel you should want to see your partner, not be forced to see them on given nights.

amicon · Aug 18, 2011, 12:24 AM

Becoming stuck in a rut is never a good thing.

I hope it works out for you, if it doesn't you know where we are.

vanheart · Aug 18, 2011, 12:30 AM

So what's the problem?

"I'm not ready to settle down yet with her:"
"I know for a fact she isn't either"

FACT

What are you Jealous?

Figure out what it is you want. In a girl, relationship whatever.

Didja ever think that you aren't ready? Neither one of you?

She's young dude. So are you.

Chill out. Forget " cotton wool"

Tartan Army · Aug 18, 2011, 06:53 AM

You guys are right!

I'm thinking about this way too much and thinking the worst when I've got no reason to think like that. I have to think it's a good thing that we both want us out of the rut and to try new things to keep the fire still burning.

I know in my head I want us back to the old spontaneous way of seeing each other and still managing to see friends throughout the week as well.

I'll keep you all updated and let you know how it gets on. Positive thinking from now on :)

amicon · Aug 18, 2011, 07:10 AM

Yes positive thinking!
;-)