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    turd2244's Avatar
    turd2244 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 1, 2007, 11:08 AM
    Why can't I shake the feeling that she's going to leave me?
    I'm 25 and have been dating a young lady for 6 months. We just clicked and we fell in love. Recently, we've talked about moving in together and getting engaged. She says all the right things so why am I paranoid that she's get up one day and leave? I've talked to her regarding my fears and she has reassured me that she has no intentions of leaving and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
    I must add that about a year ago, a girl I dated for 5 years just left one day. If with this considered, I should'nt be so worried, right?
    I guess I want to know how to make myself feel at ease about my future with my current girl since even being assured by her doesn't do it for me.
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #2

    Feb 1, 2007, 01:09 PM
    First thing's first. Nobody ever just up and leaves one day, especially not after 5 years. Things turn wrong well before they actually break up, the real question is weather or not you're paying attention when it happens. I'm going to guess not, but that's irrelevant at this point because the first problem I see with your current relationship is that you're only 6 months into it and you're planning a future, particularly at 25, that's a problem. You're doing too much long term assessment in a short term relationship. You're going to get too needy and scare her off if you talk about marriage and stuff now, regardless of weather or not she wants it, she's definitely not ready, and neither are you.

    Even if she doesn't want to talk about these things, she's going to tell you what you want to hear anyway. My ex told me 2 weeks before she broke up with me that she couldn't see herself with anybody else in the future. Things change, don't put all your eggs in one basket. I think your paranoia is rooted in that last breakup because it doesn't sound like you understand why she left. Short of brad pitt offering to marry her, I doubt she left one day for no reason. When you figure out what you missed in your last relationship, you'll figure out what to look for in this one.
    Julie25's Avatar
    Julie25 Posts: 37, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2007, 02:44 PM
    Sounds to me that you are just paranoid because of your past relationship. If its meant to be it will be. I took a break from my boyfriend of 6 yrs and now we are back together stronger then ever. My advice is don't keep pushing her to defend herself. YOu already explained yourself to her and how you are feeling and she basically told you that everything was fine and not to worry. If she isn't giving you an inclination she is lying or cheating... or going to leave... Let things be and happen. I guarantee you and she will be a lot happier. Avoid unnecessary stress at all cost. I do agree with ForeverZero however also with the rushing into marriage and living together off a 6 month relationship. So, I would relax and let things happen as they should, minus the rushing into that kind of commitment. You can still enjoy eachother's lives and not have to jet down the aisle in less then a year. Better relationships are built with time and understanding.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2007, 03:09 PM
    I wouldn't be thinking about marriage with this girl if you feel this way. No way, not yet, and after just 6 months. Your still getting to know one another believe it or not.

    How about just taking it slow and gaining that trust in her to a point where you aren't always fearful of her leaving.

    I tell you what though, if you continue to act this way she will leave because you would have driven her away with your childish antics.

    If you can't trust her enough to be confident that she loves you and isn't leaving then not only should you seriously reconsider these marriage plans, you should also seriously reconsider being in any form of relationship with anyone until you can sort your issues out!

    Good luck!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Feb 8, 2007, 09:51 PM
    Hey guy, First you need to slow way down. 6 months is to soon to be making lifetime plans no matter how you think you feel I mean you both are strangers. You should be dating and having fun as you get to know each other. You have plenty of time for the deep stuff, so whats the hurry. You also have issues you need to work on and after a 5 year relationship failed are you sure you gave yourself time to heal from it before jumping into this one? You sure have invested a lot of emotion into this female after only 6 months, not healthy. You need to balance your life with activities you enjoy without her. Work on your self and get healthy enough to know you need to relax and slow down.
    Choosy's Avatar
    Choosy Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Feb 8, 2007, 10:49 PM
    Remember one thing"Nothing is persistent in this life".Luck matters above all.U need to become flexible in any relationship.If u keep on forcing the same issue over and again ,then you can never succeed.Even, after getting married you will think about the scope of your relation.Stop fearing about these things,just relax and concentrate on your future goals.If a relation is true and meant for you only ,then things will automatically turn for you.
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #7

    Feb 9, 2007, 07:44 AM
    Continue to think and feel like that and you will make it come true. Work on your own feelings.
    Julie25's Avatar
    Julie25 Posts: 37, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Feb 28, 2007, 09:40 AM
    Definitely all good advice.. From all parties above.

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