[UTS Diver]

I met a woman about six months ago via social media. She is going through a messy divorce. I am a widower. We chatted for about four months and then met. We live far apart and met in a hotel. We had a wonderful night together. We are both in our late 50's. After our night together she referred to me as her "boyfriend" at least once, and had nothing but wonderful things to say about me. She said it was the best night of her life sexually, that I was handsome, smart, etc. This went on for about six weeks. I started to obsess over her. Maybe I started to act a little clingy. In any event, after all of this, she suddenly, towards the end of July 2011 stopped responding to my emails. I sent a text, which she ignored, and then an email, which she also ignored. I have to tried to communicate with her since, and she has not reached out to me. I am completely stunned and baffled by her behavior. This is not high school; we are both mature adults. I was really hurt for about two weeks, now just puzzling what happened and how to handle this. Some of my male friends say its over and I'll never know why and I should not contact her again. This hurts. My female friends are more empathetic and suggest sending her a light message to open the door for her to respond. I really don't know what to do.I'd love to see her again, but I don't want to be kicked in the stomach again either. I am very inexperienced in the dating world as I was married to a wonderful woman for 28 years before she passed on. Any suggestions or insight would be greatly appreciated.

[amicon]

Truth is you never really knew this woman and as she doesn't reply to your messages the best thing is for you to move on and go back to living your life.

You have experienced a wonderful marriage-it can be done again so keep dating to get to know the ladies and don't jump in too quick.

[Jake2008]

You know, it seems that age has nothing to do with maturity, respect, or doing the right thing.

She should have had the decency to talk to you, or send an email, or even a text, to say she has changed her mind about a relationship right now. Anything other than totally and completely ignoring you. I don't think there is any excuse worthy of how she treated you.

To me, that says a lot about her character, and it's not good. She is not someone I would personally waste any more time on trying to figure it out.

In my experience with people, I really couldn't tell you honestly that dating, at any age, is easy. You may have been out of the dating scene for a long time, but I urge you not to give up, and keep getting out there. One thing you might want to consider is skip the bedroom/hotels until you have several (at least) face to face dates first.

Maybe that is the lesson to be learned here about the woman you thought you knew- take more time and you will make better judgments.

Not all women, thank God, have the moral fortitude of a bottom feeding scum sucker.

[Cat1864]

1. She lied about the divorce/other relationships and has been playing games with you.

2. She was playing with you until her divorce became final and is now moving on to even greener grass.

3. Her 'messy divorce' has gotten messier and she has had to take extreme measures to protect herself.

Six months is not really a long time to know what 'facts' are real or what are made up. You have a long distance relationship which makes it even harder to know reality from fiction.

While you might give her the benefit of the doubt, you should not put your life on hold waiting for her to contact you. Even if she does, you are going to need to let the hurt and frustration go before even thinking about trying another relationship with her (or anyone else.)

Go about your life as though you don't expect to hear from her again.

You don't say how long ago your wife died and you began dating. Take it slow and enjoy getting to know people. There is no rush to find another long term relationship. If you feel like there is, then take a step back and examine why. The wrong relationships will only make you feel more alone if companionship is the main factor in being with someone.

Instead of dating sites, try getting involved in volunteering, community resources such as classes or theater, hobbies, etc. They can give you ways to meet people with the same interests you have. Make friends and go from there. Don't try to find what you lost in every woman you go out with. Each relationship has to develop in its own time and its own pace.