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Welsh lass · Feb 1, 2007, 10:44 AM

OK, I was with my bloke for almost 4 years, for the last 6 months, he worked away and only came home every couple of weekends, due to this I felt I had no one there, and felt lonely. When he did come back we would argue and he was the type of guy just to walk out the door and not finish the argument! Towards christmas I told him I didn't know how I felt anymore/ should we break up? - (more to get a reaction out of him! Which I now know I shouldn't have done!) when I finally told him that I did love him and really wanted to be with him! He said he didn't want to be with me, which broke my heart, 2 days later we went on holiday cause I was booked months before to 'work at the relationship' unfortunately I tried and he really didn't! When we got back he packed all his thing and left straight away, I sent him texts telling him my thoughts and feelings and he never replied! He said in a text, he has sent me a letter - which I have not yet received! I really have tried and don't understand why he won't give me a chance to put it right! I have not contacted him for 10 days, (absense makes the heart grow fonder, and all that!) please does anyone have any advise on what I should do, I really love him and want him back!

Oh yeah, one more thing he is moving closer to where I live soon, so distance shouldn't be a problem as of this weekend!

RubyPitbull · Feb 1, 2007, 05:33 PM

You need to give him some time. He needs his space. I know this hurts you but you have to stop contact for a couple of months. You are right about "Absence makes the Heart grow fonder." Your texting him and pushing him is making him pull away more. 10 days is not enough time. Everyone handles things differently and needs to do things in their own time. Give him a chance to miss you.

In the meantime, do you have girlfriends/guyfriends that you can go out with? You need to keep yourself occupied with other things. Go and have your hair styled. Get a manicure. Go to the pub with your friends. Go visit a friend or relative that you haven't seen in a while.

I hope this helped.

Bluerose · Feb 1, 2007, 07:13 PM

When a partner becomes distant and takes the opportunity to move out when it's brought up, he's met someone else or is already interested in someone else. Most guys don't move on unless they have something or someone to move onto.

Take care of you.

Welsh lass · Feb 2, 2007, 01:39 AM

Yeah I know I need to give him time, it is just so hard! What I forgot to say before was he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship any more not with me not with anyone! I am so scared that by giving him time, cause he works away, will just be his way of forgeting me! Any more advise??

rol · Feb 2, 2007, 02:38 AM

Give him time, he may miss you , he may not. But do not contact him again, there is nothing you can do now , only he can chage his mind.Wait for him to contact you.
Meanwhile get yourself back, work out why you go so needy and dependent on him. Make new friends, do new things.. read books on communicating with a man, maybe this is part of the problem.

RubyPitbull · Feb 2, 2007, 08:48 AM

I agree with Rol and stand by what I said earlier. You need to focus on something else for a while. If you continue to try to contact him, he will definitely pull away. You will be coming off desperate and needy and no one reacts to that in a positive way. I know you are hurting lass. But, you know in your heart and head that we are right and are only trying to encourage you to do other things just for yourself right now. Please, go out with your mates and do something that you enjoy. You need to lighten the mental load that you are carrying for you to think a bit clearer.

Welsh lass · Feb 3, 2007, 06:45 AM

I know you are all right, he text me saying that he had sent me a letter last Saturday, so a week later I still haven't received it should I text him to say: to let you know I haven't responded to your letter cause I haven't yet received it? Or should I just totally leave it and wait for him to contact me? I am having a good time going out wiv my mates and things at the moment, but I really can't see myself at the moment with anyone else, and this is the barrier that I can't overcome! Ahh!
I don't know what you think but he did say that I had become more confident, does confidence scare blokes?

RubyPitbull · Feb 3, 2007, 07:39 AM

First, don't text him again or call him. He may not have actually sent you a letter and it will just annoy him that you are asking about it. If he did send you a letter, he has no control over the postal service and it will annoy him that you are impatient. Either way, you lose.

Yes, confidence does scare some guys. Other guys find it quite attractive in a girl. Being confident and independent is always a good thing in my opinion. The bottom line is, just be yourself, whatever that may be. If this guy turns out not to be "the one", someone else will turn up at some point when you are ready.

Of course you can't see yourself with someone new right now because you are not over this guy. Emotional issues always take time to sort out. You still love him and that is okay for now. Time is very important in this kind of situation.

I am glad that you are going out with friends and enjoying yourself. Keep it up. You are doing the right thing for your "head".

talaniman · Feb 3, 2007, 01:20 PM

I think and hope you change the focus from him, and put it on yourself as you have issues you need to have addressed before you can be in a relationship. Please leave him alone, and do not contact him, as you've already pushed him away, and identify what you are abou,t and how you can be happy without anyone else.

Welsh lass · Feb 4, 2007, 05:13 AM

Hey well I went swimming this morning got out the pool and had 2 missed calls of the ex! So text him saying is everything alrite? He rang me straight back talked for a while just friendly asking how I was, and what I been up 2, said he would pop down and see me next Sunday! (I made sure I didn't say anything about us!! ) I am going to continue not to contact him and only talk if he rings me, cause he knows exactly how I feel! I'm not going to get my hopes up! As far as working on myself, I do know what went wrong in the relationship, and I'm working on myself, cause if you don't love yourself no one will!!

RubyPitbull · Feb 4, 2007, 06:25 AM

Good on you Welsh Lass! :)

rol · Feb 5, 2007, 02:55 AM

Well if I was you I would not see him next weekend...
You need to wait 2-3 months before seeing him to find yourself again.
If you see him next week you will be back to the beginning again.
Plus he is probably still confused so nothing will have changed.

You both need time alone now without seeing each other.

Welsh lass · Feb 5, 2007, 08:44 AM

Actually your right, I got excited at the thought he wanted to see me, but yeah I would be back at the beginning again! Thanks for the advice, I really didn't even think of that!

rol · Feb 5, 2007, 08:47 AM

I know its difficult not to meet him and think that he will have changed his mind but he will not have, he will still be in confusion, so for now just put yourself first and do what's best for you.

Welsh lass · Feb 6, 2007, 10:24 AM

Ah guy its so hard not talking to him! I know I got to leave it, I will leave it but I'm bored today, this is why! I'm busy the rest of the week! Ahhhh men!! ( sorry slight tantrum!)

talaniman · Feb 6, 2007, 10:34 AM

Tantrums are free, rants and venting cost more. Pity Pot sitting... not allowed.

Welsh lass · Feb 8, 2007, 06:52 AM

I need more help, woke this am, had a text of the ex saying you fancy meeting on Sunday how you doing! Do you think he wants to meet and be 'friends'? I don't know what to do cause I don't want to meet up wiv him if that's all he wants to be and also I will be all messed up in the head! But if I don't go I will be intrigued to what he wants! Please help

rol · Feb 8, 2007, 06:57 AM

I'm guessing he is still confused... sounds like the kind of message my ex would send at the beginning, but I did the mistake of running to see him and so the confusion lasted for 5 months...

Put the ball back in your court now and tell him that you think you need a few months without any contact from him to work on yourself, that you feel you got a bit needy.
Tell him you will contact him when YOU are ready.

For now don't even ask him what he wants, as he will not know anything.

This will do both of you good and show that you are not willing to run back to him whenever he wishes.

rol · Feb 8, 2007, 07:09 AM

<< due to this I felt I had no one there, and felt lonely. >>

Now is the time to get used to being alone without any guy around.
You will be in a much better position and state of mind if you take this time.
Mett new people and do new things, a man should never be all your life , just a part of it(that will be the big lesson you will learn from all this)

talaniman · Feb 8, 2007, 07:21 AM

Rol is making a strong case for you getting yourself together, and being happy with out anyone else. It is so important to know yourself and what you want, so do what is good for you, and if you can't handle his presence then don't. You need balance in your life to be happy and to make others a part of it, him being your whole life is unhealthy. Communication is key, when YOU are ready to talk to him.