[rh1990]

Hi Guys,

Well, this is going to be long, so be prepared to read the whole story. :)

11 months ago, I went to my sisters wedding in Spain. I didn't have a job or nothing at the time (I'm 20) where I was from, and I really liked where my sister lived in Spain, so I started to live there...

At this wedding, my sisters new husbands cousin was there. The freaky thing was a few months before this wedding I remember my sister saying "His cousin is really nice, we all have a funny feeling you're going to be together in the future haha"... obviously it was like a joke, but...
Well, that night of the wedding I heard she had practically fallen in love with me at first site. At first, I didn't find her that attractive... but she was cute, in fact... I have always put myself down I guess we were pretty much in the same league for looks.

I added her on Facebook the next day, we got talking, arranged to meet. I bailed out the first 2 times and cancelled on her, but then we finally met, it was hard... we couldn't say a word. She didn't speak English, I didn't speak Spanish.
Again, I bailed out on a couple of meetings, but then it became every morning before she went to her afternoon class I would go to her village, we would sit on a bench and try to get to know one another. She is (17, 16 for the first 3 months).
Then one day... bang... all our nervous energy went and we just started laughing, being comfortable and that's when it started, 2 months after meeting every morning and teaching one another our languages I wrote her a letter, she read it in front of me, looked me in the eyes, almost crying and said... yes, I want to be your girlfriend.

Was I in love with her at this point? A little... but nothing with what came...

It was going great, it was both of our first relationship, like this I thought she was perfect for me, and I perfect for her. We took everything so slow... we didn't even kiss properly until after 1 month of being in a relationship... :)

Gradually we loved more and more. Became more closer physically (no sex) and just basically was in love, for both.. our first loves.

I ended up moving to her village, I rented a room there. It was bliss. She had finished school, and was taking a gap year, not sure what she wanted to do. And, I would do odd jobs here and there for cash. Like this, all of her friends was in school or college during the day. We spent nearly everyday walking in the countryside, watching films on the sofa... and spending nights with her family. Her family basically made me one of them... it was amazing.

We passed literally everyday together. But here was the bad part...

She isn't a "affection" type person naturally. I use to feel she didn't show me much affection, and I didn't like it... I like to feel loved. She could also be quite selfish... and if I suggested to do something fun she would say no... but if a friend sugegsted th same thing... "YEaaaah, lets go :D"... I use to feel a bit like **** on her shoe. Sometimes if I tried to hug her or kiss her when we were with the group of friends in the village she would sort of make me feel stupid... infact I remember one day when I said... "Why aren't we close together, look at your best friend and her boyfriend, they're all over eachother" And she said... "Don't be stupid". She has a very strong mind.
But still, we would have moments alone, when we would simply gaze into one anothers eyes, and just know we were really in love. We did love another.

The problem is, I had a problem... a few times the lack of affection and me feeling like ****, I would sometimes get really annoyed and say "Look, I think is better we end this, sometimes it feels like there is nothing there"... sure enough... I guess that hurt her a lot when I would say that... but we would always talk the next day and continue in the relationship... but with no changes.

Towards the end of the relationship... I was struggling for money, I thought I was going to have to return to the UK. I was worried and stressed, and a few times cried in front of her... because I was so unsure of the future. I loved this girl...
Then one day I got annoyed because I had been in the UK visiting family for 2 weeks, and when I returned, things just kept gtting worse... I would get annoyed because I hadn't seen her for 2 weeks and she didn't seem that excited to see me, and didn't invite me to places with her friends...

Then one day, I went to her house and said... "I think this is going to end...."... and she said... "I think is best to end it, the problem all along is that I don't know if I am mature enough for a relationship, these past 9 months I have been completly overwhelmed, and I loved you a lot...but I feel I need a rest"... But she said... "I think I will always wait for you, I promise. Whether you like it or not, I think I'm always going to wait for you to return here, and when I'm prepared for a relationship I will tell you, I love you"... (Her exact words).

I accepted this, and returned to the UK 2 days later... :(

In the UK, I became desperate as I realised I have lost my first love. And my life with her there. So, I started gettng desperate and pleading, and begging... because she seemed disinterested when we spoke... I begged more and more... then she said "I don't know about anything anymore, I don't want nothing with boys for a long time..."

Then one day, I saw a comment on her Facebook photo from a guy, saying how beautiful and sexy she looked...

Although they have nothing, he lives in Germany, so nothing happens between them, I guess the realisation that she was now not mine, and guys could go with her... hit me hard... I went crazy... we argued real bad, and bad words were said. Now I'm sure all her friends think I'm some crazy guy who sent her messages trying to get back with her, for far too long, or something... :(

Since then... we try and be friends, because we spent everyday together hours and hours a day for 9 months... we both want a friendship... but she also knows I still love her so much...

I miss her so much, and I think no one will ever compare with her... personality wise... I know there is better girls out there... but beauty wise... I don't think I can find someone more beautiful... I know when I met her I did not initially think she was amazingly beautiful... but over the 9 months she has matured physcially very much, and her natural spansih beauty has blossomed and she is really beautiful, and I really love her body and everything. And I just find it hard to believe I can ever find someone better, so I just feel extremely down that I have lost her...

Also, she is still a virgin... for 9 months she said she is not prepared for sex yet, I respected it, I never forced it...

It hurts that she is now going to potentially lose her virginity to a guy thhat doesn't love her like I did... or a guy that does not mean as much to her... but they say when a girl loses her virginity to someone she feels extremely attatched to them... I want her to remember how beautiful our first love and story was... but when she falls in love again and has sex with a new guy... will I still be her first true love? I remember one day she said to me... you're my first true love... but remember... she also said to me "I will wait for you for always, I promise"...

I miss her a lot, but to be honest... I really feel in love with her beauty more than anything, and its hard for me to get over... has been nearly 2 months since we broke now... we're still trying to be friends... although I'm thinking of going NC for a while so I can get over her completely...

Do you think I can find someone better than her?. I know I can find someone with more love than she can give me, and be CRAZY in love with me like I was with her, but... I'm afraid I'll never have a girl with her beauty... and for me to get over her completely and not feel a lot of regret.. I feel I need someone more beautiful than her...

Any help or advice?

This is hard. I miss her a lot. But I know she doesn't want to be with me, and maybe never again.

[talaniman]

Fun while it lasted, now leave her alone, and get your head together. Time will get you through this and beauty is only skin deep, and you have to see that she had many personality traits you didn't like, and over time the personality would have overcome the beauty.

Chasing beautiful females may be fun for dates, and laughs, but over time other qualities will be what keeps it going.

Lust fades, love grows. When you grow up, you will know the difference. Enjoy yourself, the world is full of beautiful women, some with beauty on the outside, some with beauty on the inside. Consider this your first lesson in what works, and what doesn't, and learn for a better relationship that comes later.

[WinterMelody]

Dear friend you will find a good girl sometime because you have a great personality.Don't try to forget her is worst trust me.I think that she wanted something else.You shouldn't believe her when she said she was immature.I am a girl and I know.If she loved you like you "told us" she would never let you go.She should fight for your relationship.Although I believe you need time to understand what you loved more her spanish beauty or her soul.

[mmresd]

This girl kind of reminds me as to my current girlfriend. Even though she may seem that she is not showing love you can tell that she is in love. This happens when a clash between two people exists and they have a different idea of what affection is. For you it may be a hug and a kiss, for her it might just be sitting calmly next to you, you need to learn to appreciate what you get, not to be a comformist, but to try to understand your significant other.

I am afraid to inform you that this:

*****Then one day, I went to her house and said... "I think this is going to end...."... and she said... "I think is best to end it, the problem all along is that I don't know if I am mature enough for a relationship, these past 9 months I have been completly overwhelmed, and I loved you a lot...but I feel I need a rest"... But she said... "I think I will always wait for you, I promise. Whether you like it or not, I think I'm always going to wait for you to return here, and when I'm prepared for a relationship I will tell you, I love you"... (Her exact words).*****

Is her way of letting you down easy, but still going through a break up, it is to protect feelings that she once felt a great love for. However this feelings are now gone, and you complaining about things not going ideal seem to have overwhelmed her and annoyed her to the point that she truly believes being separated is better than the problems that being together creates.

Whenever you break up with a girl that you truly loved, especially if it is the first one, you will feel what is called "one itis". This is a theory that states that the person you are or were with is the best you can ever get whether physically, personality, or both, and that you get the feeling you will never find anything better. It is funny because as your life goes on and women in your life come and go you will feel this feeling with several of them. Don't worry, that feeling will die down as you get over her, unfortunately the only way of properly getting over someone is to cut complete contact and let time pass by.

So, what you need to do is keep busy and improve areas of yourself, finish your studies and worry about important things. Regardless of why it happen, what happened to you was that you got broken up with, the faster you realize this the faster you will heal so I suggest that you stop obsessing over one out of billions of girls in this world and move on.

I understand that this is easier said that done, and it may seem impossible now and it will probably seem that way for a while because I have felt this particular feeling more than once. But before you notice, you will get over it and you will move on to the next and BETTER chapter in your life, it only gets better if you make the right choices. Have fun, enjoy your single status, and keep your head up.

You will survive, I promise.

[vanheart]

"I would sometimes get really annoyed and say "Look, I think is better we end this, sometimes it feels like there is nothing there""

I guess she got that message.

"I really feel in love with her beauty more than anything"
You have some growing up to do.

What exactly are you crying about?

She's better w/o you.