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NewYork1991 · Aug 11, 2011, 07:08 PM

Ok, I have been dating this guy for 3 years and in the beginning of the relationship he told me had brain cancer, well I obviously believed him. The thing is he used his fake disease to control the situation when we argued. He use to tell me that having arguments and getting stressed out can make it worst and that I was killing him with my arguments. Well almost a year ago he confessed about his lie and said that he felt sorry for it and that he really loved me. I forgave him at the moment and stayed in the relationship and ever since things have been great but I can't get over this lie. I feel like I should have broken up with him when I found out about the lie but now he has changed. What should I do??

talaniman · Aug 11, 2011, 08:26 PM

He lied, he confessed, you forgave him, AND he changed. What more can you ask for? Don't second guess yourself, when things have changed for the better. You probably never will forget the lie, but you can deal with it, or leave, but things are better now right? Why did he have to lie? Did you argue a lot?

Maybe he doesn't like to argue, or maybe you are to good at it.(?)

phillysteakandcheese · Aug 12, 2011, 01:35 PM

No one likes finding out they've been lied to. It feels like betrayal... And once trust is broken it is very difficult to re-build.

You seem to have all the right logcal reasons to forgive and forget, but you also seem to have the same question I do...

If he was willing to lie about having brain cancer, what else is he willing to lie about?

This was not a little white lie. It was a pretty big lie that he perpetuated for two years and used to manipulate your behaviour towards him.

I could never fully trust someone that did that. I would always be questioning their integrity.

This has been bothering you for a year now... It seems you are questioning his integrity as well.

HurtScorpio · Aug 12, 2011, 09:57 PM

That is a very BIG lie told early in the relationship and I agree that it seems maybe he has experienced conflict with women so figured he could manipulate you into stop arguing, feeling sorry for him, maybe having sex with him, maybe him NOT having to do things as it would "stress him out". I am sure he got away with a lot and he probably had to tell you as I am sure you were questioning as to why he was not getting treatment,etc. as well as guilt eats away at a person and they will eventually tell. It is not to say that he does not love you but at the same time all those manipulations were essentially lies that lead into that one BIG lie. Are things great because he is still lying or because he stopped lying and how would you know really because you are accustomed to the lies. Personally I do not think I could deal with knowing the relationship began on a lie and was a lie -it was eventually going to come out. I think it will continue to play on your mind if you stay with him. Did you ask him why he lied? It seems there is a deeper root to that lie than what lies on the surface and I would be cautious if I were you. Liars and chaters tend to stick together and I would not want to say stick with him. At the very least talk to a professional and get their opinion on it because it just doesn't sound normal.