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    AshKash's Avatar
    AshKash Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 31, 2007, 10:06 PM
    Boyfriends and strip clubs
    Recently I was reading an answered question that kind of pissed me off. My boyfriend/fiance is totally OK with not going to strip clubs. He understands that I'm not comfortable with it. On the other hand I'm not a hypocrite, I wouldn't go to a male strip club either. But you see I know people who have gone to strip clubs and gotten more than just a lap dance if you know what I mean so women have valid reasons their boyfriends or husbands shouldn't go to strip clubs. Porn is kind of different even though it makes a lot of women upset when she finds her boyfriend is looking at porn, it is normal. So I guess my question is am I a crazy girlfriend because I ask my boyfriend not to go to strip clubs??

    FYI- some guys will give up petty like that if they truly love you and know how it makes you feel.:D
    blondieinCAN's Avatar
    blondieinCAN Posts: 73, Reputation: 4
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    #2

    Feb 1, 2007, 01:11 AM
    So you let him look at porn but not go to strip clubs? Because you feel that is more "real"? I think you aren't crazy... a lot of girls won't let their men go to strip clubs, but him not putting up a fight sounds like he may be eager to please you, or conditioned! I used to work at a strip club and the girls aren't interested usually in any other men from the bar, and also the young ones have male chaperones that will kick a clients ! So I don't see why if you trust your man you wouldn't let him go... why not go together? Just to see how your man acts there... and you yourself will see its just a show.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2007, 06:28 AM
    Most guys won't even tell their wives/women they went, if they know it will cause problems. DUH. To each his own. Same with the porn. These are things that partners work out. And after 33 years of marriage, I have a problem with any female who says if you love me you would..! Personally if you cannot express yourself without the veiled ultimatums or threats, DON'T bring it up. I'm open to talking always, but take orders from no one. How about your husband telling you that? If you love me you would let me go to the shake a booty bar. How does that sound to you? Just me though.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2007, 07:52 AM
    You're not crazy.

    But,

    I think that if you don't trust your boyfriend enough to watch a show, there must be deeper trust issues between you two.

    The worst case scenario you're imaging - him cheating on you with another woman - would require him to make a choice. He doesn't have to be at a strip club to make that choice if he's the cheating kind.
    tmwp2000's Avatar
    tmwp2000 Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2007, 08:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by blondieinCAN
    So you let him look at porn but not go to strip clubs? because you feel that is more "real"? I think you arent crazy...a lot of girls wont let their men go to strip clubs, but him not putting up a fight sounds like he may be eager to please you, or conditioned!! I used to work at a strip club and the girls arent interested usually in any other men from the bar, and also the young ones have male chaperones that will kick a clients ! So I dont see why if you trust your man you wouldnt let him go...why not go together? Just to see how your man acts there...and you yourself will see its just a show.
    Here's a thought: Why would he want to go in the first place? Is he not happy with you? Why would he go and look at other women? Is he attracted to them, or is he stupid enough to throw away good hard earned money to any half naked woman?
    Most strippers are only there to take a man's money anyway, not looking for a relationship.
    You should really ask him some of these questions. If he rather go to strip bars rather than to a movie or dinner with you, then there is something wrong in your relationship.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #6

    Feb 1, 2007, 08:20 AM
    Okay, I have to disagree with TMWP2000.

    Entertainment is entertainment. You're pretty likely to get a half naked woman in a movie too, unless all you go to see are G rated movies, in which case you have other issues.

    Would you go see a caberet show? A broadway musical? Any show whatsoever where women wear skimpy outfits and perform? How about... Cirque du Soleil? Or a rock concert?

    The issue is TRUST, not naked women. If you don't TRUST your husband to be attracted to you, then that's YOUR problem. Personally, I found a strip club to be amusing, but with REALLY high priced drinks. Most of the strippers were really nice women, who had a great time joking with me while I was there. (I went with my husband and a group of friends, because I was wondering what the attraction was).

    Expecting your husband to never look at another woman again because he married you is unrealistic. Sorry, but it is.

    Expecting him to not TOUCH another woman in a sexual manner, though, that's realistic. Lookin' ain't touchin' (thank goodness, because I saw the yummiest guy walk through here the other day! ). Eye candy is eye candy.

    The thing is, in a relationship, both parties have to define what is and is not acceptable behaviour. If you can't agree on that, then there's no trust, and basically no relationship.
    tmwp2000's Avatar
    tmwp2000 Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Feb 1, 2007, 08:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Synnen
    Okay, I have to disagree with TMWP2000.

    Entertainment is entertainment. You're pretty likely to get a half naked woman in a movie too, unless all you go to see are G rated movies, in which case you have other issues.

    Would you go see a caberet show? A broadway musical? Any show whatsoever where women wear skimpy outfits and perform? How about....Cirque du Soleil? or a rock concert?

    The issue is TRUST, not naked women. If you don't TRUST your husband to be attracted to you, then that's YOUR problem. Personally, I found a strip club to be amusing, but with REALLY high priced drinks. Most of the strippers were really nice women, who had a great time joking with me while I was there. (I went with my husband and a group of friends, because I was wondering what the attraction was).

    Expecting your husband to never look at another woman again because he married you is unrealistic. Sorry, but it is.

    Expecting him to not TOUCH another woman in a sexual manner, though, that's realistic. Lookin' ain't touchin' (thank goodness, because I saw the yummiest guy walk through here the other day!!). Eye candy is eye candy.

    The thing is, in a relationship, both parties have to define what is and is not acceptable behaviour. If you can't agree on that, then there's no trust, and basically no relationship.
    You are right on the TRUST, if you don't have that then you have no relationship. On the strippers, the mind setting is differeant than going to a broadway show. Your mind is on looking at these stippers with a sexual activities in your mind. Going to a broadway show or watching a movie the difference is that your going with your partner not with a bunch of guys. If you want to act on the sexual behaviros that you may have watching these shows, at least your partner is with you and your not hiding from it. There is some difference in them. But the number one thing is TRUST.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Feb 1, 2007, 09:20 AM
    Hey ladies that's what guys do Hoot holler and drink beers, then come home to our lovely wives. My wife trust me too be home and be faithfull, No problem and if she wants to go to a concert no problem. Some people like pizza and some hamburgers. I like them both and hooting and hollering is appropriate in its time and place and just as tea and crumpets. Its about enjoying. Cheaters don't go to strip clubs, they go over to their mistresses house. To each his own.
    AshKash's Avatar
    AshKash Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Feb 1, 2007, 12:02 PM
    Honestly, my fiancÚ agrees that he shouldn't go to the strip club. And he shouldn't be wasting money on women who get naked for a living because I am pregnant with his baby so screw that and like I said I don't go and neither does he we both sacrifice. Its all about compromise. I mean I don't like thinking about him looking at porn either but id rather him look at that's not in his face and in person. Its more tempting.
    Yes I do have confidence issues that influence my feelings but you know he respects that. And some strippers do like the people they dance for I know guys who like I said before have gone pretty far with a stripper while she's on duty...
    Thanks for the answers everyone
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #10

    Feb 1, 2007, 01:22 PM
    I think that womens' problems with porn and strip clubs comes from walt disney. Women are conditioned to live in this fantasy land where the man that loves you thinks you're perfect in every regard, and he's never going to think about anybody else. That's moose wonkey. The reality of the situation is that in this case, women who make a living looking good and dancing in a hot manner are going TO DO IT BETTER THAN YOU. Sorry, it's tough, I know, but it's reality. You're not the best looking woman in the world. Not even fifth best. Hell, I'll get dangerous and even argue that you're not even the best looking woman in the world to him. He fell in love with you for who you are, not what you look like. No guy goes to a strip club with the idea of having a relationship in mind. We want to get loaded and look at hot women and pretend like they all want us in sexual ways we can't imagine. Then we go home and realize why our women are actually there for us. Hopefully.

    If he'd rather go to strip clubs often than hang out with you, it's a real problem.
    Julie25's Avatar
    Julie25 Posts: 37, Reputation: 5
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    #11

    Feb 1, 2007, 02:15 PM
    I agree a little with everyone's post. I used to be the one saying, " I am not comfortable with you going, so dont". Well 6 years ago my boyfriend went on my birthday to a gentlemans club it was also my birthday. Yes that devistated the hell out of me, but I got the whole song and dance I didn't know where we were going, blah blah. Well needless to say we have a very exciting sex life and definitely have no problems. He doesn't ever go alone. We go together. I couldn't believe that I was there when I went with him, but we made a deal, we can do those things together, but there is no need for neither of us to go alone... He has watched porn alone, and so have I, but overall we enjoy those things together... call us freaks if you want, but we have a very trusting loving relationship. I have opened myself up to many things, and keep an open mind. It keeps him happy and our relationship great. Now, if there ever comes a time of cheating or anything to take that trust away, I am out the door plain and simple.. And overall will probably be my fault because I was so open minded... but hey its fun right now, and life is short.
    Allheart's Avatar
    Allheart Posts: 1,639, Reputation: 436
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    #12

    Feb 1, 2007, 04:03 PM
    I don't think there really is a right or wrong here, you just better make sure you match up with someone who shares the same view on this subject. There are men who just go for the entertainement of it, and there are men, like my husband, who just doesn't get a thing out of it. With him, it's a bit of an insult to have the women think they can "fool" him with their beautiful bodies, to hand over money. That's just how my husband sees it, and my view is, having a man desire to go to a strip club is not a characteristic trait that I personally value or respect. So, hubby and I match up on this one. Thankfully. Porn? That's a different story. Our cable bill might as well be a car payment LOL and that's just fine with me. (it's not really that high, but you get the drift)

    I admire the women who work at these strip clubs and they deserve every dollar they get. Every blessed dollar ! Did you ever walk down the street and have some man oogle at you for a long period, imagine having to do that for hours and hours every night with 20 to 30 of them. Not enough money in the world for me. But good for them.

    As long as you and your boyfriend are in agreement about this, you have nothing to worry about.
    Just be sure that it was actually a discussion and not something he felt forced into agreeing to.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Feb 1, 2007, 04:35 PM
    As long as you and your boyfriend are in agreement about this, you have nothing to worry about.
    Just be sure that it was actually a discussion and not something he felt forced into agreeing to.
    Trust and communication are so important in a relationship. taking your time and working out the rough spots before marriage can save a lot of shock and drama later also. The only porn in my house is with a full length mirror these days but back in the day whooooooooooo! As for strip clubs its been awhile but when cousins or good friends come to town the men disappear for a few beers and some hoots and howlin', but my wife trust me so much that I can't imagine doing things she is totally against. But as I said its up to the partners to decide the lifestyle they live and to do that is a lot of talking.
    AshKash's Avatar
    AshKash Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Feb 1, 2007, 09:31 PM
    Thank you for seeing it somewhat like I do. I'm pretty sure that my fiancÚ and I are in agreement about this. I mean I do think that I have issues that I need to deal with but I believe I will still feel the same as I do now about strip clubs.
    I don't really respect strippers because they degrade themselves for quick cash something that I would never do. Honestly if my fiancÚ went to a strip club I feel that I would be allowed to go be a stripper. I know he wouldn't like that. I mean if he is allowed to have women's bodies naked in his face then I should be allowed to put my body in other mens faces. I know that most guys wouldn't be able to take their gfs doing like that. So I hope this helps more see through my eyes...
    Still reading
    Allheart's Avatar
    Allheart Posts: 1,639, Reputation: 436
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    #15

    Feb 2, 2007, 01:42 AM
    Hi Ash,

    That's pretty funny stuff there, the way you turned that table. Yes, can almost imagine, asking the boyfriend to be a dear and give you a lift on to the stage and make sure the dj plays your favorite song, so you can do your thing, may not going over real big. Too funny.

    As far as the girls go, try and put yourself in their shoes (heels and all ). I would be somewhat surprised if any of those girls, when they were younger, were asked "and what would you like to be when you grow up, and they answered "a stripper". There are girls that do enjoy it, but for the large majority, the days leading up to them getting on stage were more than difficult. Most fell on some serious hard times, and are doing there darn best just to survive. I do believe, if those girls were giving half a shake of a chance, they would more than jump at the opportunity to not be on that stage. Just be grateful, that you never had to make such a choice.

    It sounds as though you have your boyfriend's ear and heart. Keep those lines of communication open and this is a great thing that these issues are being talked about prior to marriage.

    Just a little tip: You may want to invest in a pair of those heels and give him his very own private show, Valentine's Day is coming up ;)
    Julie25's Avatar
    Julie25 Posts: 37, Reputation: 5
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    #16

    Feb 2, 2007, 07:26 AM
    I agree with Allheart for Valentines Day. I recently purchased a stripper pole for my bedroom, and the outfit and heels to go with it. Trust me, it's a very erotic thing dancing there and your man just looking you up and down with that quirky little smirking face. :)
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #17

    Feb 4, 2007, 12:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    recently i was reading an answered question that kinda pissed me off. my boyfriend/fiance is totally ok with not going to strip clubs.
    Good for him. It's not like every guy goes to a strip club. In fact I would say most guys don't go to strip clubs on a regular basis. Is your boyfriends mind set the one that all men half to abide by? You've got a guy that fits your criteria for going to a strip club, but that doesn't mean it fits everybody else's. Nor does it mean that's it wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    he understands that im not comfortable with it. on the other hand im not a hypocrite, i wouldnt go to a male strip club either. but you see i know ppl who have gone to strip clubs and gotten more than just a lap dance if you know what i mean
    Actually I don't know what you mean. Do you mean the guy felt her up or he had sex with her. If a guy told you he had sex with a stripper in a club, I'd bet he was lying.

    Do you let your borfriend go to bars not populated by dancers? Because nobody would ever hit on anyone a regular bar, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    so women have valid reasons why their boyfriends or husbands shouldnt go to strip clubs. porn is kinda different even though it makes alot of women upset when she finds her bf is looking at porn, it is normal.
    So it is normal for a guy to look at naked women in photos but not in real life?

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    so i guess my question is am i a crazy girlfriend because i ask my boyfriend not to go to strip clubs???

    FYI- some guys will give up petty like that if they truly love you and know how it makes you feel.:D
    I don't think your crazy. I think you just have a guy that doesn't like going to strip clubs or if he does is willing to by pass them to make you happy. Truthfully I think most guys could tell there girlfriend they won't go to a strip club. But let me ask you this, lets say his friend is getting married and they are having a bachelor party at a strip club. Is he not allowed to go because you said so? Are you going to call his friend and tell him that your boyfriend can't go because you said he is not allowed in strip clubs per your wishes? Wasting your life and money in a strip club is pathetic but going once and a while is just like another night at any other bar.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #18

    Feb 4, 2007, 12:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    honestly, my fiance agrees that he shouldnt go to the strip club. and he shouldnt be wasting money on women who get naked for a living becuase i am pregnant with his baby
    Awesome. I'm glad your boyfriend is no longer supporting any art, theatre, movies, clothing designers, or doctors.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    so screw that n like i said i dont go n neither does he we both sacrifice. its all about compromise. i mean i dont like thinking about him looking at porn either but id rather him look at thats not in his face and in person.
    Yes that makes all the difference in the world if he's really going to cheat.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    its more tempting.
    yes i do have confidence issues that influence my feelings but ya know he respects that.
    I agree that he is very respecting of you. I'm not even sure I would say you have confidence issues, I just feel like you have a lack of understanding about what really goes on in these places.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    and some strippers do like the ppl they dance for i know guys who like i said before have gone pretty far with a stripper while shes on duty...
    thnx for the answers everyone
    Then you know a lot of guys trying to push your buttons. Strippers care about making money and she isn't going to waste her time screwing your friend Johnny in the back room because he thinks he's the man.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #19

    Feb 4, 2007, 01:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    thank you for seeing it somewhat like i do. im pretty sure that my fiance and i are in agreement about this. i mean i do think that i have issues that i need to deal with but i believe i will still feel the same as i do now about strip clubs.
    Just out of curiosity why did this issue even come up for you? It just seems like it had more to do with that question posed by someone else. If you really have confidences issues as you say (and even though I disagree with your view, I really don't see a huge confidence problem) it has a lot more to do then with a strip club?

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    i dont really respect strippers because they degrade themselves for quick cash something that i would never do.
    Well I would never raped a child like some Catholic Priests would but that doesn't mean I disrespect the whole religion.

    They degrade them themselves by who's standards? Las Vegas is the number one travel destination in the United States. That place is filled with shows that involve naked women. People spend TRILLIONS every year in Vegas and it's okay even celebrated but if a guy spends $20 locally he's going to a strip club. Either way it's entertainment. That's all it is.

    You can go to a dance club and see the same thing only with woman clothed. Those same women can hit on your boyfriend and be undressed in 60 seconds. Are you honestly telling me that if you boyfriend wanted to cheat he would not be able to do it with anyone that wasnt' a stripper. And this is not a knock on him but why would he have a chance? Strippers are beautiful and get hit on all the time, so unless your going out with someone famous they are just blowing him off.

    Side note not really related to this but I was in a strip club once with Magic Johnson. There was a man that could have had any stripper he wanted that night, and ironically enough he left with his friend and no ladies.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    honestly if my fiance went to a strip club i feel that i would be allowed to go be a stripper.
    That doesn't make any sense. That's like me saying I'm a member of the human race and if one member gets robbed than I can become a thief. If you were to say that if he went to a strip club you could go to a strip club then that would make sense. And maybe your boyfriend care if you did anyway. Your living by your standards not his.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    i know he wouldnt like that.
    You know you wouldn't like that. You can't speak for him.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    i mean if he is allowed to have womens bodies naked in his face then i should be allowed to put my body in other mens faces.
    Your line of reasoning is skewed.

    Quote Originally Posted by AshKash
    i know that most guys wouldnt be able to take their gfs doing like that. so i hope this helps more see through my eyes...
    still reading
    Yes I get your point but you acting as though your boyfriend must act like everyone else. In fact your belief seems to be that all men are the same. You also seem to imply that if a man is approached by a beautiful woman he would just automatically jump in to bed with her. I can't believe I'm going to use this anology again, it's the third time today but I think Pam Anderson in incredibly hot. I wouldn't touch her if she was laying naked on my bed though. Pam Anderson the "actress" is entertaining. Listening to her talk is entertaining. Getting hepititus isn't. She's an entertainer. Strippers are entertainers.
    AshKash's Avatar
    AshKash Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Feb 4, 2007, 09:47 PM
    Well chuff... I do know a guy who got head from a stripper while getting a private dance and the girls do touch you with their naked bodies. Your right that not all guys are the same but I was just talking about my particular situation. My thoughts on strippers degrading themselves still stands. I'm sorry but to me, my body is not something that I want everyone to see only the select few that I have felt close enough to. That is one thing that I respect more than anything else, my body. I mean some girls do have to do it for one reason or another but you know, they don't "have" to do it. Waitresses make decent money if you choose the right place. I would rather work at mcdonalds than show my body to everyone and their mother.
    Anyway when a guy can go into a strip club get a lap dance where they can suck, touch some places and possibly more in a private room there's no wonder why me or any other female would hate that . I mean I do have some confidence issues and I can get extremely jealous.
    The whole thing about seeing strippers and being a stripper... its not the same as thieves. If he can be that close to a naked woman and her touching him(not even him touching her) then es I would feel as if I was allowed to show my body and grind on whoever. Its really quite simple. And seriously no I wouldn't be OK with him going to a strip club for a bachelors party either. I sat him down and discussed this with him on a few occasions, he wouldn't like some naked guy all up on me even in a strip club. And yes he says that I could just be his personal stripper. I know it won't be the same or as good but maybe one day ill improve but these are my standards. If he didn't like how I want it to be then I guess he wouldn't be with me.
    Oh and one more thing--stripping is not an art. No where near. Movies and paintings containing naked women is nothing that's art and entertainment. I don't like porn but you know my fiancÚ doesn't really watch porn all that much if at all... like I've said in a previous post we have a great sex life so were both pretty satisfied.
    Thanks for your post

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