[raj nair]

I met my wife, a twice divorcée on the net, and fell in love. We maintained a love relationship for over 8 years, and now I have married her after divorcing my wife of 30 years.

The problem started this April, when I found out that my present wife had more than 4 men during her life before our marriage, and all were intimate relationships lasting for 1-3 years. I found out all these accidentally, and when questioned, she flatly denied all this, and even became defensive.

I am devastated. She is now behaving strange, and does not show same intensity in our relationship. Our sex life also is in trouble. What should I do? I am worried, I left a loyal wife of 30 years to get married to a woman, who lead a promiscuous life all through her previous life.

[smoothy]

What happened before you married her is her business... its not an extra marital affair before she married you unless you also had an extramarital affair with your ex wife at the same time.


See my point.. Besides... YOU were having an extramarital affair with HER by your own admission and YOU are being indignant about it?

Man up... she didn't do anything you wasn't doing. Live with it. Neither of you were virgins when you met.

[Cat1864]

How many of the eight years you have been involved with your current wife were you married to your ex-wife?

Quite frankly, until you dumped the 'loyal' woman who stayed married to you for 30 years and were available to be in a relationship with her that wasn't based on lies (yours to your ex if no one else), she had no obligation to refrain from seeing other people if the relationships were concurrent with yours. I doubt you refrained from your husbandly duties while you were still married to your ex-wife. If they were before she became involved with you, then you have no standing to question her about her past and get upset that she has one.

Has she lied? How did you find out about her other two relationships? If she didn't tell you, then it is snooping, rumor, etc. and may not be the full or truthful story. People who spread gossip rarely care about the facts. In some cases they even want to cause trouble.

You seem to question her loyalty and as a result whether you can trust her. I think for the thoughts arise that if you expect her to live up to different standards than you do yourself, can she trust you? You cheated on your ex-wife. Loyalty seems to be lacking on your side more than hers.

If you stop being judgmental about her 'promiscuous' past (especially since you were part of it) and accept that she has a past, she will probably settle down and discuss the problems in your marriage with you. How you approach the subject and your own attitude is probably causing her to back off.

[Fr_Chuck]

You were lying to your old wife, new wife is lying to you, seems sort of KARMA to me.

But what she did before you left your wife is really none of your business, She is most likely acting this way because of the way you are acting

[QLP]

my present wife had more than 4 men during her life before our marriage and all were intimate relationships lasting for 1-3 years... i left a loyal wife of 30 years to get married to a woman, who lead a promiscous life all through her prevuious life.

I'm not sure you and I would agree on the definition of promiscuous, unless I am misunderstanding your post, that sounds like serial monogamy. I'm not just arguing semantics with you here, but rather the difference in mindsets between the two. Either way it is in the past.

Is this really about her past or are you now questioning whether the grass really is greener after leaving your loyal wife with your own disloyalty?

Feeling guilty now? Easier to blame the scarlet woman who led you astray than admit your own part in it? I'm not a religious person but something about casting stones or seeing a speck in her eye comes to mind.

[Helpful_guy]

Judge her as per her current actions... U think she is acting strange may be you are like this as you have suspicion. It may not be different just in your mind. Talk to her, don't be skeptical.

[talaniman]

This blessed incident in your life gives you a taste of what you put your loyal wife of 30 years through. Its your turn to suffer, and I hope you suffer well! Its well deserved!