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    chill2571's Avatar
    chill2571 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 2, 2011, 01:27 PM
    Whst does the bible say about praying with those who are not genuine?
    My father in law who is the pastor and founder of our 50 year old church remarried about 3 years ago, after the death of his wife of 40 years. His new wife has repeatedly shown herself to be selfish and seems to care only about her own best interests and not the best interests of my father in law, our family or the ministry. This has caused some discord in our family as well as at the church. We began fasting and praying together as a family once a week for 12 weeks seeking the Lord for direction and for love, peace forgiveness and unity in our family and to come against the attack of the enemy. The 12 weeeks are now over and it seems as if nothing has changed. My brother in law who is the assistant pastor at our church feels that we should not continue to pray WITH my mother in law as she is not genuine and that we are wasting our time praying with her. He feels that our prayers have become so centered around her that we are asking "amiss". I personally feel that "the prayers of the righteous availeth much, and that The righteous will not be forsaken and that we should continue to pray until something does happen. With her or without her. What do you think?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #2

    Aug 2, 2011, 01:41 PM

    I think you are remarkably judgmental in the name of Christianity.

    Is the key phrase here.. "remarried about 3 years ago, after the death of his wife of 40 years. His new wife has repeatedly shown herself to be selfish and seems to care only about her own best interests and not the best interests of my father in law, our family or the ministry."

    Is your father in law as unhappy with his "new wife" as the rest of you are?

    How did your other issue with the woman you were praying about work out - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/christ...le-554840.html
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,812, Reputation: 5431
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    #3

    Aug 2, 2011, 02:16 PM

    His new wife has repeatedly shown herself to be selfish and seems to care only about her own best interests and not the best interests of my father in law, our family or the ministry.

    So what is this new wife doing? (I'm a PK, by the way, so have an insider's knowledge and experience.)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Aug 2, 2011, 02:42 PM

    The bible tells us that the wheat and the thistle will grow up together, that you will not tell the difference and that nothing is done to separate them and that at the end time of the harvest the Lord will do it.

    I also think that you all need to go and get forgiveness of your narrow minded and judgement of this lady.
    She is not the first wife and is not expected to be doing the same duties.

    Not sure what she is not doing, but a pastors wife is not requiured or should not be required to do any church duties beyond showing up at at least some of her husbands services, but not all even. In fact she does not even have to be the same faith or belief.

    I think that the church needs to pray for your "group" that is praying for her, since I would guess that perhaps her prayers may be heard first.

    And if you are praying this in front of her, I would all ask her forgiveness publicly since you have made fools of yourself.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Aug 2, 2011, 03:02 PM
    If you believe that the prayers of the righteous availeth much, and The righteous will not be forsaken, yet nothing is happening, then something is wrong with your premise, right? Your premise is that she is selfish and doesn't have this and that's interest at heart. Maybe you are wrong.

    Not only that, you are also insulting your poor father in law.
    chill2571's Avatar
    chill2571 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 2, 2011, 03:02 PM
    I really hate that I come off as sounding judgemental, which was my hesitancy in even asking the question because that is soooo not my intention and I know that "all of our righteousness is as filthy rags". To answer your questions "What has she done?" She has not tried to, nor has she been very receptive to our attempts to develop a relationship with our family. There are 5 sons in the family who are all married with children and all very active in the ministry. We have attempted to reach out to her and more often than not she either does not return our phone calls or uses the excuse that she is too busy traveling with my father in law (who travels quite frequently for the ministry) as to why she can't spend time with us. Instead of trying to get to know us she has become very close to a young lady who goes to our church to the point of moving this girl and her 2 small children in with them. This girl has proven herself to be a liar and cannot be trusted. My father in law is highly esteemed as a minister and he is also a Bishop. We as a family believe that he is unhappy but he is a man of integrity, a retired marriage counselor and believes highly in the institution of marriage. I say that to say, he would never admit to us that he is unhappy nor would he EVER admit it to any one. She has voiced on several occasions that she should be entitiled to certain special treatment, just because she is the first lady of the church. She is not involved in the life of the church at all. Our church and my father in law have been experiencing financial difficulties to the point of having to file bankruptcy. My mother in Law is a Attorney and does not work, which I feel she should to help us out of this financial bind. So my father in law is struggling to pay for her, their roommate and her children and all the other expenses. Also thanks so much for the advice re: my coworker. God has worked it out on my behalf! She has totally changed towards me, and even bought me some candy one day! That's why I don't doubt prayer works!
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,812, Reputation: 5431
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    #7

    Aug 2, 2011, 03:30 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by chill2571 View Post
    she... uses the excuse that she is too busy traveling with my father in law (who travels quite frequently for the ministry) as to why she can't spend time with us.
    So you see your fil but she is not with him?
    she has become very close to a young lady who goes to our church to the point of moving this girl and her 2 small children in with them. This girl has proven herself to be a liar and cannot be trusted.
    Would that we all had the courage to minister to "the least" among us!
    We as a family believe that he is unhappy but he is a man of integrity, a retired marriage counselor and believes highly in the institution of marriage.
    He may be thoroughly satisfied with his marriage.
    My mother in Law is a Attorney and does not work, which I feel she should to help us out of this financial bind.
    That expectation is sooooooooo unfair to her.
    That's why I don't doubt prayer works!
    God helps those who help themselves. Did your attitude change along the way?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #8

    Aug 2, 2011, 04:20 PM

    She is his wife, not your mother, there is no requirement that she be "part" of his family and as a second wife may prefer not to.

    Also I would even guess that there is a lot of talk about his first wife at times. Are their photos of her in the homes and more. ( just making some guesses)

    When she married him, she did not accept having to go to and be in all family functions. I think you are asking for and wanting something that is not required

    You are first assuming what your father thinks, second you are now coming off selfish as the desires of YOUR family for how she should act
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #9

    Aug 2, 2011, 04:26 PM
    He was married for FORTY years, so must be in his 60s? I am too. I'm TIRED. I lug some stuff around the yard for 20 minutes, I have to rest for the next 40. Traveling is tiring. Many churches are suffering financially as the people lose jobs, homes, savings. I'm sure you give the church every penny over 10% of your salary that you possibly can, but it's not your place to tell her to work just because she's a lawyer and you see dollar signs. She goes with him on his ministry; should she stay behind? I'm not getting any of this at all.
    If he's too noble to do anything about their marriage, that's his concern and his only. This is meddling in the guise of righteousness.
    chill2571's Avatar
    chill2571 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 2, 2011, 04:34 PM
    Thanks to all of you who have attempted to help in this situation. After reading some of the answers I have found the answer that I need... prayer!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #11

    Aug 2, 2011, 05:19 PM

    But what are you praying for? I'd worry less about the rest of the world and more about myself, personally.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #12

    Aug 2, 2011, 06:31 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by chill2571 View Post
    Thanks to all of you who have attempted to help in this situation. After reading some of the answers I have found the answer that I need.....prayer!
    Yes prayer to learn to stay out of their business. Prayer to learn not to judge others and expect them to act in your own way.

    And yes Father is proud perhaps too proud to tell all of you to mind your own business.

    I remember the story of the poor widow women, who gave her all, and the other who were praying, how great they were, how much they give.
    This is a good example, why I don't like organised churches too much and never wanted to pastor a church, they good loving busy bodies that want everyone else to behave like they want them to

    My best advice and I am dead serious, your best help to that church, leave and let it grow with people who are open to allow each church member to serve the way the Lord leads them, not to demand that people serve in special ways.
    jakester's Avatar
    jakester Posts: 582, Reputation: 165
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    #13

    Aug 2, 2011, 07:21 PM

    Yeah, if I were at your prayer meeting and I sensed that the reason everybody was getting together to pray was because of me, I'd be pretty miffed.

    I know your family/church sounds like a package deal but this woman is your father-in-law's wife and their relationship has nothing to do with any of you, don't you think? It's his issue and her issue how healthy their marriage is, not the churches or yours.

    Part of me wonders though if you guys have all decided that you won't accept this woman because she's not "mom." The same woman who was with your father-in-law for all of those years... nobody will ever replace Mom but everyone has to extend grace and peace to this woman as the wife of your father-in-law.

    But even if she really is an ***, I don't think having prayer meetings and fasting for her is the right spirit to have... probably why you haven't seen anything from God.

    My advice is for you all is to mind your own business and worry about your home and how you are loving your neighbor in the sight of God.

    I say this with love and firmness.
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,564, Reputation: 485
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    #14

    Aug 8, 2011, 09:10 AM

    As someone who grew up in the church and identifies herself as a born-again, I'll throw my two cents in as well.

    You can't continually ask God to make a person change; He gave us free will for a reason. As others have said, it seems like you're meddling without just cause.

    As a Christian, your first step should have been to exercise Matthew 18 - sitting down with your mother-in-law and discussing this with her personally. She may not even realize that she's causing the extended family to feel as if they're being held at arm's length.

    I've found that when I have an issue with someone, I need to also pray for myself to be open-minded, accepting and forgiving. Sometimes the problem is originating from another source.
    classyT's Avatar
    classyT Posts: 1,562, Reputation: 214
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    #15

    Nov 17, 2011, 08:08 AM
    Chill,

    Couldn't help but respond. The Bible is crystal clear about the relationship of marriage. Your father in law is to loyal and love his wife like Christ love the Church and game himself for her. Therefore, if she is NOT genuine, if she is NOT saved... Paul says by treating his wife like Christ would have him treat her can cause her to become saved. I'd suggest you pray for unity in that marriage, that He would continue to love his wife and treat her right. For the Bible is clear.. it is the GOODNESS of God that leads man to repentance. You want to see her genuine? Be good to her, show her Love, show her Jesus, treat her like Jesus would because that is the WILL of God.

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