Check out some similar questions!

ilovekelp · Jul 30, 2011, 08:44 PM

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We got into this argument about how I never want to do what he wants to do or hang out with his friends. I do admit that I was a ***** and selfish a lot of the times, but I know that I would change in a heartbeat to get him back. Well anyway, we did agree to talk about what went wrong in the relationship when he was ready. It was hard to give him his space, and I wasn't successful, but I finally did, because I didn't want to further push him away. Well about a week or two (we haven't seen each other in month and spoken minimaly, no I loves you either) he was checked in on fb at a bar with by a girl. It did hurt to see that, but hey we are broken up and he can do t that. Last week he said he wanted to talk to me, but I couldn't because I was out of town. I haven't seen his fb in a week in a half, and I checked the other day and noticed how he had checked himself in to all these places some with girls. I'm not hurt that he is going out with girls, but that he's being incensitive. He knows this break up was unexpected for me and that I'm probably at home sad. He HAS to know that is killing me, especially since I was the jealous type. Why is he doing that? Couldn't he at least wait until after our talk to start doing that? I mean our fb relationship status still indicate we are together. I know I was a *****, but am I really that indispensable? After 5 years? I mean we got together whe we were 16 and now we are 23.
I'm really trying to remain calm (and I've been getting better at it), give him his space, and come to terms with this break up. He is making it very hard. We are supposed to meet up to talk soon, and the last thing I want is to come off as clingly,snooping, or that my life is falling apart because he isn't in it. I just want to come off and be confident in myself and just learn from this mistake.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 30, 2011, 08:52 PM

He is not the one being the jerk. He is living his life. You guys are broke up. It does not matter what you think now about him and his activities. Nor should you be lumping around asking for pity from your ex. You should learn from this experience and not jump into another relationship for a while. Whenever you do get into a new relationship. You hopefully learned some things in this one that you will not repeat in the next.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2011, 09:14 PM

You should be enjoying yourself as he is, and used this time apart to make yourself better. Whether you get back together, or not. I know it sucks to go through a break up, but after 5 years, a bit of freedom, and fresh air will make single life very sweet, if you don't allow yourself to be stuck in old behavior, and old thinking, and make some changes for the better.

Why would you be so keen to get back together and go through the same crap as before any way. And if you know you can be a *****, then why keep doing the ***** thing and it ain't working, nor is your jealousy, or impulsive behavior. So make some changes, and wait and see what happens.

Cat1864 · Jul 30, 2011, 09:49 PM

You would change to get him back, but would you change to make yourself a happier healthier person?

You should make changes to yourself IF they are what you want and think you need. Attempting to change for another person is setting yourself up for failure because it isn't coming from inside you. It is also putting a lot of importance on how another person sees you instead of how you see yourself. How others see you depends on what is going on their lives and is ever changing. It is damaging to your self-esteem to try to continually adapt to other people's concept of who and what you should be. It is hard enough living up to your own expectations why make life even harder.

If jealousy was part of the problems, keeping tabs on him through Facebook isn't going to help you prove that you are willing to change for anyone.

I know you want to try again with him, however, I think you should walk away and not meet up with him unless you have personal items to return. I think you need to take some time to let go and heal without the thought/false hope of getting back together as an anchor holding you in place keeping you from moving forward.

Do what you think is right for you, but please give yourself the time and space to work on your inner issues before you get involved with anyone-him or someone else.

vanheart · Aug 2, 2011, 10:18 PM

I agree.

Broken up is broken up. Hes not into it. This is what he wants.

Sorry.

"we haven't seen each other in month"

Don't hang or talk to him. I would stop FB & any other gossip.

The good thing is now, the world is your oyster...

Enjoy, don't wallow.

ilovekelp · Aug 3, 2011, 10:51 AM

My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago, all communication has ceased (except for 3 times that I contacted him), and I know he has been going out a lot. Well, after the break up, I asked if we could talk about what went wrong in the relationship, but he said he was not ready at the time. About 3 or 4 weeks after, he sent me a txt asking me if I was busy Sat. noon. I told him I was going out of town, so couldn't meet up with him. We still have yet to meet, because of scheduling conflicts. My question is how do I go about this meeting? Do I wait for him to bring up the break up? What if he doesn't, even though I'm sure that's what the meeting is about. Is it wrong for me to assume that? I've been waiting for this talk for a while, and I don't know if it might be the last time we get talk, I'd like to take this opportunity to be honest about what went wrong, and understand his side. Is this just a pity meeting? And please don't say he was looking for a booty call, because we are both virgins. If it helps we have been together for 5 yrs and are both in our early 20s.

bluedabadee · Aug 3, 2011, 11:05 AM

Well if you honestly want to meet him and have that talk you've been waiting for just make sure its in a public place, like at a coffee shop or something. Its been almost 3 years since my breakup with my ex of 5 years and all I can tell you it hurt like hell. It took me a long time to get over him. And yes he wanted to meet up after the break up but its human nature to want that closure if what and why it happened. But meeting up will make it worse. You need to not call him or email or any contact for a while if you really want the relationship to be over. Talk to your family, friends. 5 years with someone is a very long time and like they say time heals all wounds you just need to be patient. I know easier said than done. But for you to be able to move on and be your own person and be happy with yourself you need to go cold turkey and surround yourself with your closest friends and family.
Good luck its not easy... and at the end of the day you need to make your own choices but put yourself first. Your happiness should be your first priority and if seeing him and getting the closure you need will help you then do it but remember the more you see or talk to him the longer the healing process will take.

BK201 · Aug 3, 2011, 11:18 AM

Looks like some unfinished business. Not sure why he wants this meeting for, but sure that you would need this meeting. Even if he doesn't bring up the topic in the meeting you can start it, and make it a point that whether you both are going to get back or break it, is decided during that meeting. If latter is the answer that you are going to get, then this meeting should be the last for the both of you. At least until you move on. Also, facing this gives you experience points which will help you in the future.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2011, 12:32 PM

Your threads were merged, as its unnecessary to start new ones about the same thing.

I think this meeting is but adding more drama, and confusion to the break up, and dragging things out for no other reason than the need for closure.

Acceptance is closure, and that won't come until you both let go and go through the healing process, and that starts when you leave each other alone. But if you must meet, skip the small talk, and get to the point.

Cat1864 · Aug 3, 2011, 01:26 PM

If you still haven't changed your Facebook status ('i mean our fb relationship status still indicate we are together.'), then do not meet up with him for any reason. You are giving yourself false hope.

Unfriend him, change your status to single, start living your life, and begin the healing process before you think of meeting him.

vanheart · Aug 5, 2011, 01:26 AM

You can, prey, use your charms, beg, whatevs, but..

Sounds like you are going to do what you want to do, regardless of advice.

Lets us know how it goes. When you get the (last) blow-off.

How many more?

kinnu · Aug 13, 2011, 03:58 AM

Well I think meeting him and talking about past is not going to help you on this,if and if you want him back..
1. try to avoid him and let him know about this.
2. let him know that your rocking with your life and you don't actually feel the way you do for him.
3. if he calls you talk to him casually.do not call him by yourself.
4. hang out with him and couple of your other friends.don't pay much attention to him.make him feel jealous.
I know its hard but trust me it works!

Cat1864 · Aug 13, 2011, 05:32 AM

Trying to make people jealous is not a good idea. It might get you what you want in the short term, but it will leave lingering traces of insecurity and doubt. The person will not be able to fully trust you will always be faithful because the memories of seeing you play games with others will be in his/her mind.