[mini31]

Hello there I have been looking for help I don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for one year and eight months now. We did breakup up once when we had almost six months together but it only lasted for a week then we started being friends again and by a month after we were back. It actually helped our relationship.

That single week made us realize how much we need each other. We were completely lost without each other and as soon as we got back together, he did as he did as he promised (payed more attention, came to my house on time, showed me his feelings more openly). It has been great ever since then. We have made great progress. We communicate a lot and are both very aware that we love and respect each other.

Still, I cannot get over my jealousy. I feel like wherever he goes, he's going to see another girl and find her prettier than me or more attractive. I know he loves me and I know he would never know that in my heart but why can't my brain understand that too? I heard that if someone cheats, they always feel like their partner will cheat too. I have cheated. Once.

Almost right before we broke up and I feel disgusted about it to this very day. The mere subject makes me want to cry. I was weak and upset and just angry at him for making me feel ignored and neglected and I was kissed by a friend and I didn't stop it (thats all that happened thought thanks God).

I wonder if that is it? I can't believe I can ever expect him to betray me since he is extremely loyal but some part of my brain distrusts him. I had three boyfriends before him. All three of them have cheated. The first one lasted less than a month. The second one lasted almost two weeks. The last one lasted three days. I just wouldn't click with them.

Honestly I don't even know why I picked them at all they honestly were jerks. Then I met Galito (my nickname for him) and immediately everything was different. I fell in love quick and so did he.

Anyway, back to the present... how can I relax? Why am I like this? I want to be a better girlfriend even though he says I am perfect in every way, I know that in my jealous moments I am awful to be around. But he sticks with me, he's sweet and romantic, and caring. He deleted every single girl in his phone just so I could he he wouldn't call or text any girl but me. I love him so much please help.

[Wondergirl]

You're projecting. That means you cheated on him and hate yourself, so in order to make yourself feel better and less guilty, you have made yourself believe he will cheat on you to get back at you.

It's time to deal with your guilt.

[mini31]

I forgot to mention... soon after we got back together I told him I cheated and how terrible and disgusting I felt. He forgave me and didn't even get mad, he said he just wanted me to forget about it. He told me he loved me and it didn't matter that it was in the past and we were starting anew but I can't get over it even if I try...

[Wondergirl]

I can't get over it even if I try...

How have you tried?

[mini31]

Soooo many times. I try to remember he forgave me and that I should not be so harsh with myself and I feel better but sooner or later I go back to feeling true disgust for myself. When I go to church on Sundays (I'm in the choir with my boyfriend) I kneel down in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary and pray for forgiveness and the help to forgive myself and I leave feeling better but the next day feel awful again. I have told my boyfriend and he tries his best to help me but same result: OK for a bit, back to the same stage in a while.

[talaniman]

It would help if you let go of your past baggage and that may take a lot of time and work. For now, learn to handle your own feelings, and don't let them control your actions or words. Always think before you speak, or act, and for now accept you have those feelings, and do something about them by staying cool, calm, and collected, as you learn better self control.

See it as potty training without a diaper, and you don't want to make a mess. Takes time, so be patient.

Good Luck.

[DaniCalifornia]

Take a leaf from HIS book. You cheated on him, admitted it, and he forgave you.

It doesn't seem at all that he's cheated on you, but what you need to do is forgive YOURSELF.

Learn from your mistake, and get on with a happy relationship.

X Dani G