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skeeziix · Jul 27, 2011, 07:02 AM

I have been dating a guy for only 3 months. The first month of us dating we would take turns making dinner and paying for going out and such, he acted like a complete gentleman. He runs his own business and has met with some financial difficulties. He recently moved back home with his parents due to this fact. I live about an hour from them, so he often comes to stay at my house on the weekends. I know he has had some financial difficulties so I try to help out as much as I can. Lately he hasn't been trying to do anything in return to show appreciation for everything I do. When he would drive to me I offered to take him out to eat most every weekend because I knew he spent a lot in gas to come see me. He always says "I owe you". I always try to have groceries and cook for him while he is at my house. When I went to stay with him I even bought the groceries and wine there. For his birthday I had about 7 of his friends stay at my house for the fourth of July they were there Friday through Monday, I supplied all of the breakfast and most of everything else. His guy friends brought the meat.

So the next weekend a couple of my friends were coming. I was completely broke so I asked I asked if he could help me with some groceries. He asked "How?" as in do you need me to help you get them or help you pay, duh why would I ask? He complained that he had no money so we got into a fight. He finally said "Fine I will come there and buy groceries for all of your friends!". First of all they brought their whole groceries everything. I was simply asking if he could help me out so we could eat. He said that when he comes to my place he doesn't need to eat. So he is going to stay with me Friday through Monday and not eat anything? He always has enough money to go out to the bars and what not so in my opinion he needs to choose his priorities. We recently got into it again because I paid for everything the entire weekend and he spent all of his money on Friday. I bought groceries for grilling out and bought us take-in. I mentioned to him that it would be nice when he is at my house to help pitch-in. I think he gets defensive because when I bring this type of thing up it turns into a fight which is then turned back on me like I am some nag!

He also has adult temper tantrums that are ridiculous to be around. Every little thing will set him off in a hot-headed rage. At those moments I try to calm him down but he acts like I am getting mad at him for him getting upset. Well, in all honesty it isn't all that great to be around while it is happening. I guess I don't know what to do. We were high school friends and finally rekindled, I love him but I don't want to be stuck in a future that has no future. I ain't anyone's sugar mama. And I shouldn't have to monitor my generosity. If someone can't even try to reciprocate even a little or discuss it as an adult is it even worth it?

liz28 · Jul 27, 2011, 07:30 AM

Yes, it seems like his prorities aren't straight and I can see how it can be difficult talking to someone who is going be get angry and throw tantrums. But, how do you talk to him when starting about a conversation about your concerns to you? Also, I know he have been having financial difficulties but what have he been doing to get out of them?

skeeziix · Jul 27, 2011, 08:34 AM

He runs a media graphics company so he gets paid here and there not on a regular basis which I understand. But simple things like helping out with groceries shouldn't be WWIII. I also bought him a 185 ticket to a concert for his birthday, now I feel like I shouldn't even take him if he can't help with groceries at all. What comes around should go around. When he has cash he should try to make it up to me. The one time he did take me out to eat he got all pissy and *****ed for a week. Makes me feel awesome.

It would be one thing if we could rationally discuss what we are going to do about these financial difficulties unfortunately yes it is a factor. I wish I had all the money in the world but I don't and its hard for me not to try to take care of someone I love. I don't understand how he can be so selfish. Now that I have tried to talk about this stuff he says "his feelings have changed" how the hell could that be just because I want to ****ing talk about issues. Grow up!

liz28 · Jul 27, 2011, 08:47 AM

Maybe he needs to get a regular job even if it is part time until he is receiving a regular cab flow from his business. Also, maybe you should cut your spending on him and start saving your money instead. I know you wanted to do something nice for him for his birthday but you have being doing a lot for him money wise up until this.

Now, he us telling you his feelings have changed because he don't want to change and more than likely to him your just be a nag when your really speaking the truth. And I learnt people don't like to hear that. Also, sadly to say some people never grow up.

amicon · Jul 27, 2011, 09:10 AM

I think it's time you moved on-his temper is a huge red flag.

skeeziix · Jul 27, 2011, 12:54 PM

I think one of my problems is I give too much then when people come to expect it or act entitled I get pissed. Like OK maybe you should try to reciprocate a little. Preferably without me asking.

talaniman · Jul 27, 2011, 02:15 PM

If you want to keep wasting your time playing mommy and taking care of this big ungrateful baby, whose fault is that??

Of course its yours so make a decision "mommy", because its your fault the baby is spoiled.

Handyman2007 · Jul 28, 2011, 06:38 AM

He has issues. He takes advantage of you. You say he has money to go out drinking but not for groceries? There's a flag right there. Stop spending all of your money on him. Let him pick up the tab occasionally and if he can't, then do without. He has found a free ride... don't allow him to take advantage.