[merc22]

I had a relationship with a boy, everything was fine , the relationship was perfect he spoke over a future together about going to live together. I met him in March and during the time we spent together I saw that he was often nervous and he couldn't sleep well. Once we were together sleeping and he had a nightmare about his father and he woke up almost screaming.

He told me that his mother died when he was 12 and after that his stepfather often beat him.

I thought that his problems could have a psychological source and I advised him to go to visit a psychologist. At the end he went there and during the therapy, it came out that he was sexually abused by his stepfather when he was little.

The news destroyed him. He decided to end the relationship and he went to a psychiatric institute.

I still love him and try to support him in this drama, but when I told him I love him and I will wait till he feels better, he became really angry and he didn't want to communicate with me. Now we are communicating almost every second day through email, but he doesn't want to hear about a relationship. He told he may never again have a relationship with somebody. I try to support him through the therapy, I asks him how was his day etc.

I really don't know how to behave I this situation, I am still in love and want to support him in this drama, but the whole situation is slowly really destroying me too. I am always nervous and I think the whole day about him...

I can believe that that's the end of our relationship, and I feel also that I am the cause of his pain because I advised him to go to see a psychologist..

Thank you in advance for the answer.


Edited/T

[talaniman]

You are not the cause of his problems, and you have lead him to the help he needs. That's a good thing, even though it could take years of therapy for him to get better. His issues are what changed the relationship, and I don't think he wants you waiting for him to get better so he pushes the idea of love, romance, and a future aside so you don't suffer.

I think you give him time and space and accept your status has changed from partner to friend and back away to a safe emotional distance for YOU to get your own life together without him. If you cannot be a friend, and just a friend, then he needs to know that YOU need time to work on your own healing.

That every other day communicating will not work because its not equal between you. So instead of talking about the future of the relationship with him, and all this love talk, be a caring friend, so you both can heal, and get healthy.

If you cannot, then be honest and back away from this situation so you can accept the changes yourself. Love and romance are not what he needs, nor wants, or can handle, so stop pushing it.

[JoeCanada76]

First of all - Abuse happens to girls and boys. Men and Women. I would say abuse that happens to boys would be a lot more tramatic event. It brings a lot of stigma to things. It even can effect a person wondering if they are gay or not because of this experience. It can cause a lot of things to happen and he needs to work through this himself with the help of doctors and psychiatrists. The thing is it can ruin somebody or change them for the better. Maybe he does not feel worthy to be in any relationship because of this experience. Many men go on for years keeping things like this secret from everyone. So I would say advice to you. BE ONLY A FRIEND. Do not push any kind of relationship on him. That is not fair, when he has told you clearly that he does not want to be in one. He obvoisly has not dealt with the experience and pain and that is something he needs to work through before moving forward which I hope he eventually does.

Take care of yourself, you can not take care of him. He is in the care of doctors now.