[lozmoo88]

I have been with my boyfriend (bf) for nearly 4 years and my sister had been with hers for 7 months! Before my sister got with hers, my boyfriend was everything to my mum. She adored him and had this cute little voice for him, and always gave him little presents of chocolate when he left, and if I wasn't with she was trying to persuade me to go and see him, even when she knew I had lots of work on. Howeever since my sister has met her boyfriend, my mum has now totally changed and does all she did to mine with my sisters boyfriend. I know you will probably just say "new kid on the block and it will die down and all that" but I really don't think it will.

It is as if he has replaced my boyfriend. Last night my mum told me she really liked my sisters boyfriend and that he's a lovely guy with a heart of gold. I asked her a few minutes later if she thought same of mine still, and just told me to not be so stupid. She always finds excuses to slag my boyfriend off, as his family and mine have rather different views and from going to defending him over her own daughter, (me) she would always choose him. Now any opportunity she has to bad mouth or put him down no matter how little she will.

This upsets me, as I often think when we and my sister have moved out and in with our bfs that unless I make the effort my mum will always ring my sister over me. Its like she has an instance instinct to do that anyway. I always find out info from someone else before my mum! We both as sisters have a strange relationship with our mum, as very very close to her, yet always looking to seek her approval, as she sure lets us know if we don't!

Recently I have tried to change my boyfriend to get him to be a bit more outgoing, and show more affection to me, but it ends in arguments as rightly so he said he shouldn't have to change. I just feel like someone's come in and taken over and is just getting my mum under his thumb more and more everyday. She always has time for them, yet when I am home with my boyfriend she says she needs to work, and never gets up and says good bye to mine anymore.

It is jealousy as me and my sister have always had a subtle competitive life, but its taking over me more than its healthy now, and I need to do something without causing a stir within the family.

[joypulv]

'It is as if he has replaced my boyfriend.'
Now that view is a real problem, since he's your boyfriend, not your mother's. She has a problem too, with too much coquettishness with her daughters' men friends. You seem to all be in a vortex of too much intimacy all the way around, causing needless jealousies. I suspect that your mother would move on to the next boyfriend no matter who he was or how endearing he was, just because she needs the thrill of newness. Possibly even a subconscious fantasy about reliving her own youth by stealing these men from you, that died after 4 years. How long can a fantasy last? Wait to see how long she lasts with this new man.

And move out!