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    jayjendrew's Avatar
    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 13, 2011, 08:35 AM
    Help Please
    My husband was paying child support for his little girl then when the mother of the child found out we where having a baby she flipped out.We continued to pay the support they both agreed upon with out going through the court. But when our child was 4 months old we sent the support as we did every month. But the last three checks where mailed back to us not even opened. We sent her an email and tried to call her and she never responded back to us. But now 20 months later the court sent a letter to my husband saying that he owed 4,000.00. He went to court to find out that the mother of the child gave up her rights to her and no longer has to pay for the support of the child because she is being adopted. How can she do that without my husband's concent he never give up his rights or signed them over? The judge in the support case was confused and asked him why he was not there for the custody case and he told her that he was never informed of the custody case. Why is the mother no longer responsible for support of the child and only the father is responsible? Some please help us. We live in Ducthess County New York if any one has any helpful info please. Thank you,
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #2

    Jul 13, 2011, 09:04 AM

    I am so sorry of your situation! Our legal experts should be along shortly! Hang in there.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #3

    Jul 13, 2011, 09:21 AM

    First, your husband made a mistake, but not having the support done through the courts. But I'm unclear has the adoption been finalized or not?

    Your husband needs to immediately move to block or reverse the adoption. He should not owe any support after the adoption is finalized, but if the mother filed for support without notifying him he may owe from the date the support order was filed until the adoption is finalized.

    My question is what has been done for the 20 months. Has he made any attempt to find the child? The courts will look at that in deciding whether to overturn the adoption. I kind of wonder why he is so upset at the child being adopted when he seems to have done little to find her. Or did you just leave that out to be brief?
    jayjendrew's Avatar
    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 13, 2011, 10:33 AM
    We had no clue the his daughter was being adopted till the judge told us on Tuesday.We are very confused about the whole thing. The only thing we know is that now because his daughter is getting money from the state of New York he owes 4,000.00 plus 9% interest. But what we don't under stand is why is the mother not paying child support she should have to pay at least 2,000.00 plus the 9% interest that is half of the 4,000.00 the state has given to there child and how can she give the child up for adoption with out my husband concent? That is what we are trying to find out. Because we can not get the court records because they are sealed. Strange no? And we have no clue what stage the adoption is. Because the court papers are sealed. Need help to find the right path. Thank you for any help you can give.
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #5

    Jul 13, 2011, 10:35 AM

    But what Scott (and the rest) wants to know is when he could not get a hold of his ex, and his e-mails, letters, phone calls and checks went un-answered why wasn't he looking for her? Are you guys wanting to adopt her now?
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    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 13, 2011, 10:50 AM
    Comment on Aurora_Bell's post
    We tried to find her. We hired a PI to find them. And that's when we did find her on 6/30/2011 that's when we found out about her drug habbit. Then came the court paper's a day later in the mail. So by that time she had already did what she did there was no way of knowing all this till we went to court on this Tuesday 7/12/2011
    I might not know a lot about the law but as far as I understand it she can NOT give her up for adoption without my husbands signing over his rights witch he would never do!! I don't understand why the whole amount of 4,000.00 is all is to pay? Why is she not paying at least half? Can someone help me understand. Thank you
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,564, Reputation: 485
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    #7

    Jul 13, 2011, 11:02 AM

    I'm confused - the mother should be able to request child support at anytime, for any reason. I don't understand why the court denied her request unless there were extenuating circumstances.

    Is your husband this little girl's legal father? Is his name on the birth certificate? Did he sign a paternity acknowledgment or take a court-ordered DNA test?
    jayjendrew's Avatar
    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jul 13, 2011, 11:26 AM
    Comment on this8384's post
    Yes he is the legal father but when the child was 6 months old she wrote him a letter saying she did not need or want his support in any shape or form in raising there child. That's why the court said no to court ordered support because she told him she did not want any help from him. Now things have changed it is not the mother of the child coming after my husband for child support it is the state of NY that is. Because who ever is adopting her has filed for cash help from the state of NY through social serviecs. And what we do not understand is why is the mother not paying half of the 4,000.00 why is it all on my husband to pay it? And how is his daughter up of adoption with out him even knowing it till the judge said something on Tuesday about it. There was a court case on the adoption back in march of 2011 and we had no clue about it. These are the questions we need the answer to. Thank you for you help
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,564, Reputation: 485
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    #9

    Jul 13, 2011, 12:06 PM

    Quote Originally Posted by jayjendrew
    Yes he is the legal father but when the child was 6 months old she wrote him a letter saying she did not need or want his support in any shape or form in raising there child. That's why the court said no to court ordered support because she told him she did not want any help from him. Now things have changed it is not the mother of the child coming after my husband for child support it is the state of NY that is. Because who ever is adopting her has filed for cash help from the state of NY through social serviecs. And what we do not understand is why is the mother not paying half of the 4,000.00 why is it all on my husband to pay it? And how is his daughter up of adoption with out him even knowing it till the judge said something on tuesday about it. There was a court case on the adoption back in march of 2011 and we had no clue about it. These are the questions we need the answer to. Thank you for you help
    This isn't adding up. If he is listed as the legal father on her birth certificate, then the mother would never have been allowed to place the child for adoption without his consent.

    If the child WAS adopted, then the adoptive parents are considered to be her legal parents - your husband would not have any legal claim to the child whatsoever. However, if the child is in foster care, then that's a different story.

    Your best bet at this point would be to hire a local attorney who can find out what's going on and how to fix it - it sounds like an absolute mess at this point and nothing is adding up.
    jayjendrew's Avatar
    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Jul 13, 2011, 12:20 PM
    Comment on this8384's post
    Thank you. We are very very confused about the whole thing. I have called a lawyer and we are going to meet with them at 5 pm today. Because they are saying he should have been told about his daughter being placed up of adoption. And that the letter the mother wrote back in 2001 will hold up in court and he will not have to pay back the amount of $4,000.00 She will because she relieved him of any child support obligation when she signed that letter. Thank you for all you'r help.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #11

    Jul 13, 2011, 12:32 PM

    First, I'm not so sure about that letter holding up in court. I'm surprised it did the first time. Generally such agreements need to be ratified by a court.

    Ok, I feel better knowing that you did try to find her, and in fact your efforts (hiring a PI) were what located her. That will be a big help to you.

    I am suspecting that the mother lied somewhere along the line. Stating that either she don't know where the father was or that he was dead or something to allow the adoption. But that's all past. Lets look forward.

    You have to find the current status of the child.

    Your husband will probably owe the arrears. They are trying to get reimbursement for what the state laid out for her in assistance. He would have been ordered to pay that amount had he been informed of the support action.

    He has to get the adoption stopped or overturned. The fact that he went looking for her will work well in his favor. Are you willing to adopt her? That will also help.

    Good luck to you and keep us posted.
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    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Jul 13, 2011, 01:02 PM
    Comment on ScottGem's post
    Yes we are willing to adopt her that is my husbands daughter and my son's half sister. We never stopped paying the support the mother asked for back in 2006. We have all the money orders from when we started to pay her till just last Friday... But the last 20months of money orders have not been cashed or mailed. We tried to give them to the court yesterday but the court would not accept them because they are made out to the mother of the child & we can not cash them. And the mother of the child can not been found again. We will not pay for another PI to find her this time. We found his daughter and that's all we wanted to find. And as far as the letter the lawyer says it will stand up in court because it is all in her hand writing and her and my husband where not together at the time she wrote him the letter. It is in the words of the lawyer "closed case on support" thank you for the help
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #13

    Jul 13, 2011, 01:24 PM

    I hate to disagree with a lawyer on the scene, but the fact that its all in her handwriting is immaterial. Maybe the law is different where you are but I'm also in NYS and such a waiving of rights would not be allowed. And, from what I understand from your posts, the support was ordered to reimburse the state for public assistance that she applied for. So the state is not going to care that she said she didn't want support. Their stand is that the taxpayers paid to support your husband's child and the taxpayer's are going to want to be reimbursed for that. So I think your lawyer is wrong if he thinks he is going to get your husband off the hook for the past support.

    Can you get refunds on the money orders? If so you can then use them to help reimburse the state.

    P.S. please use the Answer options for followups, not the Comments.
    jayjendrew's Avatar
    jayjendrew Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jul 13, 2011, 06:41 PM
    My husband and I would like to thank you all for the help you have given. The court has now over turned the judgment. One the grounds that the social service's application should have never been approved,due to the fact she was getting child support(they took the money orders from the past 20 months). Now the person's who filed the application must pay back the money.Because they took into account that social service's did not even try to find my husband till we tried to file for help with health Inc. In the being of June. And the people that filed with social service's lied and told them they did not even know who the child's father was but that was a big lie. They are the grandparents. The judge told my husband and I if he wanted to sign his rights way and not have to pay support he could. But we filed to have full custody. We will be in court on Friday to hopefully bring her home. And as for the mother she is looking at some criminal charges for some other things she did. We will keep you all posted ty
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #15

    Jul 13, 2011, 06:49 PM

    Good luck, please come back and keep us posted
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #16

    Jul 14, 2011, 03:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jayjendrew View Post
    My husband and i would like to thank you all for the help you have given.
    Thank you for letting us know. Now this makes more sense. I can see the court ruling that social services did not do their job. And vacating the judgment for that. Also, the fact that it was the grandparents adopting makes it easier to overturn the adoption.

    I think you will have this child with you very soon.

    I wouldn't push on criminal charges for the mother however. She is still the child's natural mother. Even if you adopt and her rights are severed, she will one day, want to know about her natural mother. She may resent it if she finds that you and her father were, in any way, responsible for her being in jail.
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #17

    Jul 14, 2011, 04:48 AM

    Good luck! Please do keep us posted.

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