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torychad · Jul 12, 2011, 02:50 PM

My other half will not sleep with me to, he loves using his hand on himself, I try everything dressing up etc. I talk to him about it, but he clams up, and says I'm 45 and lost interest, he loves watching porn by himself, I'm in my element and do not want to miss out, but I will not go else were, I dream of it all the time, what do I do?

Synnen · Jul 12, 2011, 03:15 PM

I have moved your post from where it was piggybacked on another question so that you can get answers tailored to your situation.

CravenMorhead · Jul 12, 2011, 03:26 PM

I am assuming that the rest of the relationship is doing good?

It sounds like a burgeoning mid-life crisis to be honest. Is there any other reason that he might not be willing to perform. ED, Stress, exhaustion, or the like? I am not trying to make excuses for him, but I am curious if that is just a rouse to cover for another cause.

Good communication, beyond you're 45 and I've lost interest, is important and especially now. So you're going to need to do some digging and figure out what all is going on.

Cat1864 · Jul 13, 2011, 06:16 AM

Along with Craven's questions here are a few more to get a better idea of your background:

How old are you?
Is there an age difference that may be causing some of the issues?
How long have you been a couple and has it always been this way?

How and when do you try to talk to him? Does an attempted discussion turn into a confrontation or pressure to have sex? In other words, does it turn into you telling him what you want and him shutting down because he doesn't feel like he is being heard or his needs are being taken into account?

I, too, think he needs a check up to make certain he is healthy and everything is working order. However, something else to think about is what exactly your expectations are and how realistic they are.

Do you masturbate? Would he be more inclined to join you in watching porn/sharing fantasies and mutual masturbation if he doesn't feel comfortable trying for intercourse? Taking the pressure off to have intercourse may have a positive affect or could give you more insight into how to handle the issues.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2011, 07:56 PM

He is not doing his part in the communications department to get to the root cause of your problem, so have there been any major changes in your lives lately besides lack of sex?

Generally a lack of sex is a symptom of another problem in other areas of the relationship, that need to be addressed.