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kitcatninja · Jul 7, 2011, 09:19 PM

When I was little my dad hitt me often with a belt when I did things wrong he also did this but not as much to my little bro... I remember when I was 5 and my bro was a toddler we took showers together he was like 3 anyway we wer showering and we started fightning because that's what siblingz do (he was tteething and biting me )so my dad took us both and of the shower he pulled me by my hair (he did that a lot!) he pulled us both to our room and I don't quite remember whether he hit by bro or just me but he hit me with his belt on my butt and I was naked I remember it hurt sooo much I was crying and out of breath from crying and like screamin I remember my bro crying to... and he costantly threaathed us saying that if we didn't stop or like we didn't do things he wanted like cleaning up our room hed take out the belt... im 13 now and that's been long over but I still remember it in my head I can't forget him pulling me by my hair as we grew older it stopped its like he completely forget he ever did that to us I sure didn't when he did hit us it was ver hard my dad has muscles I love him and hate him I don't know but right now I may have deppresion or a personality disorder something along those lines anyway and I'm jusst trying to figure things out on my own about my childhood and family problems( my mom knows I may have a health issue by the way) I'm tooo scared to c a therapist I'm pretty scared of people in general... wen my dad gets angr at me he talks in a mean tone... recently he punched a wall and started bleeding... I try to be perfect and not to bother my parents I really do try to make them proud and its not like I have drama at school or constantly on the phone (I have few frenz because of my inability to make frenz easily I'm to shy and I get way nervouse... im sorry for the essay and pleas pardon my writing this isn't usually how I write but this isn't exactly easy for me to write about pleez don't judje and be respectful I just need some help right now... main point: IS WHAT MY DAD DID CONSIDERED CHILD ABUSE? Feel free to voice your opinions on anything I wrote pleez and thankue

talaniman · Jul 8, 2011, 11:49 AM

I see from your other post you are 13, and I know you are reaching out, and that's a great sign. Its really hard to get what you need from the adults around you, especially since they seem to be lost in there own world, and have their own issues maybe. They may not even be aware of the effects of not getting you the proper help, or the way they are scaring you by not being available to answer your questions and concerns.

You have already started to look for your own answers, but you need the help of a trusted adult, who knows how best to guide you. The numbers given you by Wonder Girl in your other question should have been some help, so have you gotten some suggestions from them??

Don't give up, as its not your fault your parents don't know how to address your issues because they may have had a rough time too, and don't get help when they needed it.

Abuse Hotline- Florida Department of Children and Families

Focus Adolescent Services: Family Help in Florida

Florida Emergency Crisis Hotlines and Helplines ~ FindCounseling.com

Some ideas to explore, I hope I have your location right.

Wondergirl · Jul 8, 2011, 12:09 PM

Hi, kitcat -- Did you ever call those numbers I had given you back in June? If so, what happened?

Tal has also given you some phone numbers to call. We can give you only so much help, and then it's up to you to actually do the calling and help yourself. And please let us know that you made at least one call, and tell us what happened.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 8, 2011, 12:35 PM

You know while I don't agree with using a belt, it is or was a very very common punishment 20 years ago, most kids would have gotten whipped with a belt then, or a switch or a paddle in school.

It often stopped their behavior. A belt while perhaps harsh, does no lasting damage, unless there was welps left on your skin, often the popping sound scares more than it hurts, And unless hit very hard, is not a lot worst than spanking hard with your hand.

I am so puzzled by kids who can't merely take punishment as a learning experience, esp since it stopped.

If you had serious injury but if it was more a mild spanking, sorry if I can not get overly excited.

kitcatninja · Jul 8, 2011, 12:39 PM

I did call but it wasn't much help in the end I ended up writing a letter to my mom telling her about everythimg.. she then told my dad but I don't think he got anything at all I have a lkot of issues with my dad anyway thank you both a ton I will call(loctation is right) but I love my family and Florida department of children doesn't sound like a good idea I don't want me and my bro to be taken from our family as much as I hate my dad I still love him... thankue both very much

Wondergirl · Jul 8, 2011, 12:55 PM

i dont want me and my bro to be taken from our family

There is such a thing as family counseling that might work for your family. Of course, your parents and brother would go too, along with you. You all would learn new ways to treat each other and how to react when someone gets mad. CPS could arrange family counseling for your family.

talaniman · Jul 8, 2011, 01:36 PM

Let me replace your fears about child protective services. They don't remove children from families unless there is a danger to them, but they do look at what needs to be done so the whole family gets the right kind of help that's needed individually. Sometimes the process is scary, but it can benefit you all.

Glad you talked to your parents, that's a great move, but follow through if things don't change. Sometimes us adults need a push to really know that our kids may need some extra help.

If you need more help, just ask. Anytime, with any concern.

J_9 · Jul 8, 2011, 06:34 PM

Oh, honey, this is absolutely abuse! You need to talk to someone who can hopefully help your father understand this and maybe it will stop.

Call those numbers that were given to you. Do you have any close friends? Maybe you could talk to their parents.

Whatever you do, you need to do something. This is abuse and it has to stop.

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2011, 04:46 AM

I agree with everything that has been said to one degree or another. Yes, this IS child abuse if you have stated things accurately. Where is your mother while this is going on? Where is your brother in all of this?

And, yes, Child Protective Services doesn't take you from your house. CPS works WITH the family to make things better. Your father apparently has his own "issues." He needs to work on those.

If your mother "knows" you may have health issues it is her responsibility to get appropriate treatment for you - no matter what those issues are, physical, mental, emotional.

Isn't there another adult you can talk to, someone at school, someone in the clergy, a relative? Some who can listen to you, help you through this?

Talking to you in a mean tone is NOT abusive (depending, of course, on what he is saying). Mentally and/or physically torturing you is, of course, abuse.

I think you need to talk to someone - who is available to you?

Perhaps you need to write another letter more clearly stating your concerns.

I do think you need some type of medical intervention or counselling - and I think "you" means your mom, dad, you and probably your brother. I can't imagine your mother is very happy in this situation, either.

excon · Jul 9, 2011, 04:53 AM

Hello:

In MY view, if this youngster called CPS, they wouldn't "work" with the family... They'll PROSECUTE the offender.

If I were this young man, I would NOT call them.

excon

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2011, 05:10 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello:

In MY view, if this youngster called CPS, they wouldn't "work" with the family... They'll PROSECUTE the offender.

If I were this young man, I would NOT call them.

excon

Must vary by area - my sister is a Social Worker with CPS, and in my area counselling IS available if the abuse is not "severe." Of course, who determines "severe"? She almost NEVER has to ask that children be removed from the home. Again - that's in my area.

I will add that this young man could stop the cycle and protect his brother which would be a very GOOD thing. Perhaps an adult who will listen is the answer - ?

J_9 · Jul 9, 2011, 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Must vary by area - my sister is a Social Worker with CPS, and in my area counselling IS available if the abuse is not "severe." Of course, who determines "severe"? She almost NEVER has to ask that children be removed from the home. Again - that's in my area.

I will add that this young man could stop the cycle and protect his brother which would be a very GOOD thing. Perhaps an adult who will listen is the answer - ?

I agree. In my area a person called a Casa (sp?) (my mother-in-law is now one since she retired from teaching) is assigned to the case and counseling is often required for the family.

This is not necessarily the type of abuse that they will take the child from the home.

kitcatninja · Jul 10, 2011, 03:33 PM

Thanks but no no adult I can tell or talk to... my mom hates him and wants a divorce but she can't because she's disabled and she can't work so she would if she could but she woont divorce him we need money... she seems like it never happened and I know mean tone isn't abuse it just paint a pic of the way he acts hostile around me my bro and mom and he wouldn't go for a medical intervention he doesn't want me to c a therapist because he sasy there stupid... my mom never sayss much to my dad when he goe after my 8 year old bro when I do he goes after me as well my bro might have adhd but my dad won't let my mom take him to the doctor he thinks docs and therapist and people like that don't know anything I really don't know what to think or do... I just feel like if I want things to get better with my fammily and there health and my health I need to find a way to fix things or to shrug it off

kitcatninja · Jul 10, 2011, 03:36 PM

No I understan some people find it okay others don't I know that and it doesn't bug me... but every1ns different and I don't know but I find my dad to be tramatizing to me .anyways thankue for your opinion

kitcatninja · Jul 10, 2011, 03:40 PM

Thankue! Hopefully 1 day I get the courage to tell my dad that we need hhelp

JudyKayTee · Jul 10, 2011, 04:00 PM

You NEED to protect your brother. If you can live with the abuse, that's your decision. I have no idea what your mother is thinking - lots of disabled people get divorced. If nothing else, they then qualify for more State aid.

Your brother is younger than you are, right? He needs you to be his voice.