[Living&Loving]

So my boyfriend and I have had a very long, great, but confusing relationship. We had been together for a year and a half, when I decided to break it off because I felt smothered. I did date someone else during the time that we were not together, but I realized that I made a huge mistake by leaving him, I came to realize what the saying means," you never miss something good until it's gone".

I broke up with the guy I was dating and I reached out to my ex and asked him if we could maybe talk in person so I could get some things off my chest. We spent a whole night together, after apologizing, crying, hugging, and him forgiving me. After that night, we were back to the way things were, but I still felt like I didn't want to own the label of being " boyfriend and girlfriend" just yet, and he was OK with that, but we still acted like we were dating.

Fast forwarding time a bit, I felt like I always needed to be in control, like I needed to be the one that ran the relationship, which I now realize was the stupidest thing to ever believe in because when your in a relationship with someone, it's not about being in control it's about sharing each other equally. I always seemed to bring up stupid things in order just to fight, and win. I started one with him, saying that I deserved better, that I deserved someone with a job and a car, materialistic things.

What I didn't know, was that I would soon regret ever starting that conversation. After that I starting getting that gut feeling that something was not right, that he was being distant with me. I felt like I needed to do something to show him that I loved him more than anything and anyone. I rode my bike from my apt to his house which is 5 miles away. That night he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I never felt better. The next day however would shockingly change me. He broke up with me, the very next day. I drove all the way to his house to demand an answer from him, all he could say was it just didn't feel right, but he still loved me and wanted to be friends.

I was crushed and I told him I don't think I could be his friend, then I drove home alone, realizing I had a wedding to go to the next day, which is something most people don't look forward to after a bad breakup. After an amazing day of family time, dancing, drinking, and being away from home, I was feeling better then what I thought I was going to feel, then I got back to my room at the resort to find that I had a rather long e-mail from him, telling me he feels like he is not good enough for me and he didn't want to get back together until he had a job and his driver's license and that he still loved me more than anything in the world.

After that we were just friends, which I didn't want, but he was in my life, which I was happy with. After not seeing each other for weeks, we decided to hang out. He came to my house, we got dinner, watched movies, and looked up funny things on the web. Then as we were getting to bed I walked out onto the patio and told myself that maybe this is it, maybe he wants to be only friends, and I have to accept that. Then when I got back inside he was laying there awake and I asked what was wrong. He basically said that he feels like he was going to mess everything up between us and that he feels like he needed to go out and date other people. At this time I could see where he was coming from because I am his first and only girlfriend that he has had, so I could see where he was coming from.

I was upset, but more upset the next day after a whole night of cuddling, hugging, and kissing. The next morning he left, kissed me goodbye and said he loved me. I thought that I maybe changed his mind about everything, but later on that day he told me he still felt those feelings about seeing other girls but he didn't know why he had those feelings, after telling me he didn't like anyone else and he wasn't talking to any other girls, and I knew he was telling the truth.

So I told him that I wanted space and that I didn't want to talk to him for a while and we agreed we weren't going to talk for a month. I prayed often to help ease my thoughts, and one night I prayed to god, and asked him to please give me a sign that me and my ex would work out and hopefully get back together. Then the very next morning, I got a text from him wanting to talk. I couldn't believe that god really heard me out and is giving me a sign. I didn't respond all day and he wrote me 3 times, so I told him that if he wanted to talk to me to call me.

We talked for 2 hours and he told me he loved me more then anything and wanted to be with me and that he was sorry for everything. That night he came over to my house and he asked me to be his girl, I said yes. Ever since then everything has been great, amazing actually, but I still have the feeling that I will get hurt again, that he is going to leave me again. I have no idea what to think, one day I don't think about getting hurt because I am so happy, then the next I feel like his feelings of wanting to date other girls is still lingering even though he said he does not have those feelings anymore and he never will.

What should I do):?


Edited/T

[vanheart]

Try being single for a while.

Do some soul searching. Sounds like you don't really know what it is you want or how to nuture a relationship.

Can you blame him? You broke it off, came back after the other guy didn't work & started laying down rules.

Maybe, he was playing tit for tat, but what it sounds like is that he knows he should move forward, not back.

You should do the same. Don't be friends. Just exit & disappear.

[talaniman]

How old are you? Get over your guilt and enjoy what you have while you have it, and try not to ruin things with games and ego tripping. Then maybe if you keep it real you won't have to be afraid of being hurt, like you have hurt others.

At least you know you can't control what others think or do and that's a scary thought, but maybe that will keep you honest. Always appreciate what you got as long as you got it, and be grateful you got it. That's what you should do.

[HurtScorpio]

I have to say that this is a real tough one to answer and it sounds like neither one of you know what you want. You should no doubt be afraid of getting hurt but remember that you hurt him and he will remember that and that is probably what got his mind thinking about other people in the first place. He is probably afraid you will take off on him again and wants you to know that he is just as valuable a person as he is and he can find another person to love and is desirable to another just as you are so you should not take advantage. If you do love him, DO NOT take advantage of him and treat him as if you would if it were your last day together and he should treat you with that same respect. If you are just going to keep breaking up and making up you are both probably too immature to be in a relationship. Another piece of advice is you can't be friends with someone you were in a relationship with that early after it is over. It won't work. Sounds like you are teens testing out love and you don't know if you are in love or not but let us know how it goes and/or some info. About your age because that would be helpful.