[life787]

I've recently been taking Niacin in the last couple of months, which has basically taken me from a very constantly depressed person, to someone who isn't really depressed at all. Before this I was always so scared of losing my husband for no reason at all. So I was very clingy, needy and dependent. Not to mention extremely depressed when he was gone.

Now that I'm not so depressed and low, I can enjoy other things in life and not be so dependent on just him for everything I need in life. But he thinks I'm bored of him and don't need him anymore. Which I tell him isn't true, and I explain everything I just said about the change in depression. But, what ends up happening is he says he now feels as though he is the needy and clingy one.

This wouldn't be too bad, but now we're starting to bicker, which is something we've never done before! My theory is that I was too depressed to say anything in the past, so now when something he says bothers me, I get frustrated and say something. Example of one this morning: He pulls the car out of the driveway and brushes against the trash can with the side mirror (I'm in the car, and it's on my side), which now makes it shake while we drive. It startled me a bit, so I say, "I think you knocked it lose", he says, "No, it's supposed to give a little so it doesn't break, so it's fine." Well, we start driving and it shakes constantly. I say, "maybe if you drove a bit slower it won't have damaged it like that", he says, "no, at the angle I was coming at, the speed wouldn't have made a difference". I say, " I've actually bumped that trash can many times, but every time I get close I go very slow, and when I bump it at that slow of a speed it doesn't hurt anything". He says, " No, it was just the angle I was at." I say, "so, suddenly our driveway is a completely different shape from when the last time I drove, so there's no way I ever could have it it from that angle?" He says, "No, I just hit it at that angle and that's why it's damaged." He then says, "Why are you being so knit picky about this, it's like I can't do anything right". I said, "I'm only upset that you could not acknowledge that maybe something I said had some validity to it."

This is how it always goes now. He seems to think that nothing is ever good enough for me and I'm always mad at him, and I just want him to stop rejecting everything I say as if an idiot just said it.. We've talked about it a lot lately, but it's almost impossible to reach a compromise without him or I giving up what we want. I just don't get it. He gets so sad and depressed when I just want him to acknowledge what I say. And if I try to pin point something he says, he changes the story and says he never said that..

I know I have to talk it out more with him, but I just want to know what tools I can use to communicate better with him.

[Loganiko]

He sounds insecure, he preferred you being down in the dumps and clingy because it made him feel better about himself. Now that you are getting better he feels he might lose you. You should take care of yourself, because no one can do that for you.

[talaniman]

I think I see your problem. You don't know how to express yourself, but you feel you should. One thing I learned about communicating, is how and when to present yourself. And give people time to listen and understand.

As with the argument you cited, saying nothing would have been better than trying to make a point. He is use to you saying nothing, for whatever reason you didn't before and will need time to adjust to the new you.

During a calm time, just tell him how you feel differently now that the medicine is working, and sometimes you just get a bit carried away, now that you think, and feel differently. Then ask how he can deal with all these changes. I think in this kind of way he doesn't feel attacked, or confronted for his own inadequacies, mistakes, or shortcomings, and he may even take it as a dialog. Then as in any communications, you can listen, and pay attention, before you respond.

Its important to give him time to adjust to the "YOU" that he finds himself with, as its as new to you as him, and that probably was one big helluva change. Glad you were able to make it though, but just control it. No need to bicker over small stuff.

You both have to adjust to the changes that have been made, and it takes time so be patient, as you find common ground. Same as any two strangers.