[willcyn2000]

My daughter who is 18 has the habit of staying out all night She thinks that because she is 18 she can come and go as she pleases and not that these are her words it's just what she displays. She recently drop out of college saying schools not for her and that's fine if that's how she feels it's not for everyone so I let her know if your not going to school then you will need to get a job. Eventually she did find a job which was about 20-30 minutes away so I allowed her to take my second car to get around only asking if you decide to go someplace after work please just give me a call letting me know so I won't worry will a month later she decided to stay out all night and never went to work and was fired. She then found another job and wouldn't you the same thing happen like 2months after working and was fired from there also. She has alienated all of her best friends including her 1st cousin and they no longer want to be around her. I've ask her what's going on and why or what happening between you and such an such and it's always the other person fault and she don't need them cause she's the life of the party and there nothing without her. Well now the only friends she has are all guys whom I'm pretty certain there more then just friends. Any how she came to me saying she made a decision to join the Marines she had spoke to a recruiter right before she graduated (by the hair of her chin ) and she thinks it's the right thing for her. Now her older step brother is in the Navy and of course that's the route he wanted her to go but after visiting and talking to different arm forces she stuck to her guns and said the Marines is what she wanted to do. Now of course I'm proud of her and afraid for her but she says don't be she will be fine. So she went and was swore in and getting set for boot camp. During training she got hurt and had to go for PT for her arm but to me it didn't appear to be anything wrong with it when she didn't know you were looking she swing that arm all around and that same arm was fine when it came to flat ironing her hair to hit the street. And it was also fine we her 11yr old sisters friends became her friend as she ran up and down the street playing riding bike and so fourth. Eventually it was told to me by my niece that my daughter had change her mind about the Marines and that she didn't want to go. Once again I'm thinking here we go so I sit down to talk to my daughter to see where her head is at and if this is how she's feeling. She then let me know that she has spoken to the Marines and they can discharge her because of her injury. I'm like wow letting her know she need to stick to something you can't keep going at things half *** asking what is it that you want to do and I get the deer in the head light look. I'm like this has been going on since you were just about 17 getting jobs quitting jobs and you can't keep going on like this. So she did find a job that it seemed like she enjoyed at Macy's and I was pretty happy that she was happy and she would for the most part either call or text me if she went else where after work. There where a few times she would forget but I'd call her or she send me a message on FB and that be that till one day here we go again she gets off work at 3 and don't come home no call text or even a message and she wasn't answering her phone finally around 11pm I got a hold of her she said her phone was dead and she was with a friend I'm like have you been with that friend since you left work and she was like yes I'm like was there phone dead also and she was like oh I didn't think to ask if I could use there phone now generally the friend she was with when they are together they stay posting on FB so I quickly check for any post while I hv her on the phone and I see no post so I ask if I could speak to the friend an was told she went to the store real quick so I'm like OOOKKKK so I ask my daughter to hang up and I would video call her and I need to see the friends house number and she was like well I'm not at the friends she was with some guy so I ask why would you lie tell me the truth an hear what ever I might say but to out right lie sooo I asked her to just come home bring me my car because you are not going to lie to me and ride around in my car that I pay for and put all the gas in and told her to be here with in the hour. Never happen she showed up about 4-5am not certain but I waited in my dinning room all night and had dozed off between those hours and found my car keys on living room table but she was not there She finally came home a day later she never went to work lost the Macy's job all for a party and lost the friend for putting her in between it when she never even knew where my daughter was at and she had never even seen her that day. It was my nephew 4th Birthday and everyone getting ready to go over for a party and I look at her an she has on these short cut of Jean shorts and heals doing it up and I'm like don't u think you're a bit over dressed for a 4yr olds party she replies that's how we dress I'm like whatever and we leave. So my husband an I drop off the kids letting my sister know we will be back after the movies in about 3-4 hours to pick up the kids fine she says So we go back to get the kids and no one has seen my daughter for about an hour now my niece says last I seen her she walked off with these 3boys she knew so we wait and drive around and no sign of her so my sister says go home when she gets here I'll call you and she turned up back at my sisters house around 3 in morning and my oldest nephew was just getting in from work when she pulled up so I pick her up the next morning where my sisters lets her know how worried she was an ask if she could please let someone know where she was going because anything can happen and my oldest niece who lives across from my sister let her know the same and I'm like why do you keep doing this now your even wording other people and again the deer in head light looks (no reason ) she says. SMH Well 3 weeks later there was to be a candle lighting at the church for a friend of the family whom was shot and killed last year right before he was to turn 18 that she wanted to attend so my niece told my daughter you can spend the weekend at my house. So the day after the lighting my sister called and asked if we could come pick her up we get there and no one has seen her she left about 7 and it's now 8 we wait about 20min and then decide to drive around and no sign of her again my sister says OMG here we go again we talked to her about this and she does the same thing so go ahead home and I'll call you when she gets here. So the next morn about 10am my sister text me saying my daughter never showed up and she was really worried after questioning her daughter she found out that my daughter had left again with 3guys of which one was just released from jail for who knows what and she has not heard or seen my child since 7 last night. So my husband and I drive over there get the entire story an called the police So the police comes and says it's really nutting he can do because she wasn't forced to leave and she 18 I'm like no I have a bad feeling in my stomach yes she has done this before but she norm would have been here by now He asked if we knew who she walked away with we gv the officer the names we had he said yes he knew of the 2 names we gv him called for back up saying he knows there address and would go check it out 10 min later it's about 12:30 now he comes back with that your wasting my time look and said she was there and would be here shortly I'm hot now my entire family was worried and she chilling at some dudes house she finally make it back to my sister I ask why would you keep doing this I'm crying because I'm thinking something has happened to my baby and she looking like she don't hv a care in the world. We proceed to leave an when we get I. The car I ask how can you keep wording people the way you do. You know I worry and your aunt worries. Everyone of us worry about you what do you be thinking I mean we just had this conversation 3weeks ago does any of that conversation cross your mind she says no I don't even think about it. WOW I'm thinking she really could careless nothing I do seems to be working We hv taking pretty much everything that we hv giving her if she has not broken it. I'm at a lost on what to do. My husband says if she wants to be grown let her. Tell her get her stuff and go and when she says she has no place to go tell her go back where you were at when you weren't even thinking about us. And I know he's frustrated as well as I am but I just can't be like that. She's still suppose to leave on Jan 9 for the Marines or she could leave earlier she step brother like sign her up for navy and she will be gone by end of the week others are saying send her to job Corp but what do I do. I feel like my hands are tied because she 18 I can't force her to do these things The only thing I can force her to do is get out my house but what then it won't stop me from worrying. I haven't got a clue on what I should be doing He recruiter is ready to discharge her for wasting his time OMG please help and advise is appreciated

[JudyKayTee]

This is far too long to read and the lack of correct punctuation makes it even worse.

If you are asking how you can control your 18-year old daughter, you cannot. She's a legal adult and the law believes she can make her own decisions.

You are the parent. She is the child. You make the rules under YOUR roof. Make the rules and stick to them. Of course you'll worry if you throw her out. You'll also continue to worry and live in unsettled circumstances if you don't throw her out. It's the lesser of the two evils.

You refer to her as "your baby." She undoubtedly feeds on that. She may be your baby, but she's also an adult.

It's time for you to be an adult, her parent, and set some rules - and stick to them. If she can camp out at some "dude's" house when it's convenient for her she can camp out there after you throw her out.

Tough love.

[Jake2008]

She is really giving you a run for your money.

What I get the impression of is that you are seeing the result of probably behaviour that started long before she turned 18. I am curious if problems along the way included missed curfews, missing items, poor grades at school, etc.

If the police are aware of at least two of the men she's hanging out with, chances are good that she's involved with drugs. Is that something you have considered? She has esssentially abandoned her friends and family, for people that live a different lifestyle, for lack of a better word here. Let's say they are just not the type of people you'd bring along for a 4 year olds' birthday party.

It's almost a secret life isn't it. She keeps disappearing, having most likely made plans to be picked up. She has one foot sort of in the real world with her family, and another foot in an entirely different world. She sounds close to being in trouble with the law in my opinion.

But, I get the impression that she is also quite capable of holding down a job, she chooses to do other things instead of show up for work, come home at a reasonable hour, and explain her whereabouts. She is not sharing a very big part of her life with you, you are only seeing the results of these choices she is making.

I would advice you also to come up with a plan. You and your husband and a third party- perhaps an aunt or uncle- have a meeting at the kitchen table, and lay down the law.

Stick to the facts. She has two months to clean up her act. And explain what that means. No car, curfew, responsibilities at home. List them. Laundry, cutting the grass, etc. Set a time where she is to have a job, say within the next month. McDonald's is always hiring. 1/3 of her paycheque will be room and board- she is an adult now and has to pay her way like any other adult. She must have a complete physical (call ahead if you know your Doctor and ask for drug analysis), and she will attend counselling. Have it set up ahead of time, and give her the appointment dates and times.

Turn this around. Instead of you waiting for her to make decisions, you make them for her- because it is your home, and she IS an adult. Stop allowing her to determine your stress level, and keep you guessing and worrying if she's going to keep a job for more than a few days, or if she's going to show up at home.

Take charge of YOUR life, and where she is in the pecking order. At the moment, she runs your life.

For yourself, it is important to realize that by not allowing her to grow up, which is essentially what you are doing, you are enabling her to keep doing what she wants to do. If she chooses to do that anyway, then you have at least been very reasonable in providing a very reasonable alternative to that decision. You have given her a choice.

You cannot afford any longer to risk her getting into serious trouble, at least not without trying and doing more than worrying and hoping for the best, and to keep on believing in false promises, you are setting yourself up for more grief. It has to stop somewhere.

Stick with a plan. Do not negotiate. Provide her with a clear alternative to being out on her own without family support. Hard? More than hard- this is a heartbreaking time, and should push come to shove, you really do have to get her out the door if that is what it takes.

And that should be the last item on your list. Non compliance with ALL of the requirements, will result in her bags packed by such and such a date- have a date. No reminders, no further discussions. Make sure your husband, maybe your sister, are all onboard with this plan, and together, weather out this storm.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and feel yourself going back to familiar patters of allowing her 'one more time' to see if she follows through- get yourself into counselling for professional help and support. If you choose to carry on as things are, she is headed for disaster, and you are allowing it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you jumped way over the board and it was so hard to read without good use of english grammar.

But she is 18, she went to college and dropped out, she then joined the marines, She went to boot camp, and got hurt,? So why is she home ? Not in the marines getting well or back in training ?

But if she will not keep rules, she will never do the marines anyway.

You merely give her a flop house and help allow her to do these things.

But she had to be doing things wrong long before this and it is merely showing up worst now

[J_9]

Whoa... back up... punctuation and paragraphs are your friend!
Please re-group and post again so that we can understand you better.

[jenniepepsi]

It doesn't sound to me like anything is wrong unless I missed something in that hugely run on sentence group.

If she will not respect your wishes, then she needs to find a new place to live. But she is 18, you can't control her, she cn stay out as long as she likes. If you are unhappy with that, instill the rules and enforce them, if they are not followed, she can move out.

Good luck momma. And relax. This is the time in her life when you let go and let her test her wings out, make her own mistakes, screw up, and live out of roman noodles and rolling pennies :) those are the times we learn most of our lifes lessons!