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Summer2011 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:04 PM

Okay, here's the deal, I recently had my beautiful daughter on the 12th. Her dad finished with me when I was eight month pregnant for another girl but we still agreed he would see her when she arrived, but I told him that if he stopped seeing her or missed a lot of days he said he would see her the contact would stop. Since she was born he has seen her 3 times and each time its only been for half an hour to an hour and he always brings a friend with him and is always stoned when he visits her. But he has arranged a lot of days to come see her when he knows I've had plans so I've cancelled plans so he can see her then he just ignores his phone and goes to get stoned with his girlfriend and friends but now I've said that he had his last chance and deleted his number and I'm ignoring him he wants to take me to court for full custody. He smokes grass everyday and still lives with his mum but I'm still worried that he will get full custody

tickle · Jun 30, 2011, 02:38 PM

Just call his bluff, Summer, he doesn't want the baby, he just wants to irritate you. No judge will award the baby to an addict and I hope you have documented everything that has gone on with him so you will have the proper evidence when the time comes. Do you actually think a judge will let that man take a small baby?

Tick

Summer2011 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:57 PM

Well I've managed to print off al the texts and emails he's sent arranging times and then the same with the ones where he's gave me abuse for moaning at him for leaving me waiting in all day. Only problem now is I've told him to take me to court and he's telling me, that I'm an idiot and I'm using Summer as a weapon against him :S I've been asking around too and people have told me that because he's doing community service and probabtion for serious assault, also he has previous assults on his record along with theft of cars etc.. So he won't get full custody,

Synnen · Jun 30, 2011, 03:14 PM

YOU should go to court and establish full physical and legal custody--and CHILD SUPPORT.

tickle · Jun 30, 2011, 03:25 PM

Yes, I do agree with Synn. So you are saying that he already has a record of serious offences; then why are you worried he will get full custody. He is a multiple offender and no judge would allow him full custody of a baby.

Go to court and establish full physical/legal custody and child support as Syn stated.

Do it now.

Tick

Summer2011 · Jun 30, 2011, 03:37 PM

I don't want any maintenance from him, he barely has any money as it is as he's only on job seekers allowance so its not much and I'm pretty okay with money I just want to make sure he sees her but he's making it seem as if it's the hardest thing in the world. I already have full custody as he is not on the birth certificate because he wouldn't come along with me to registar her due to he already made plans with his girlfriend.. It makes me feel a lot better that he shouldn't be able to get full custody, :) thanks

Synnen · Jun 30, 2011, 04:05 PM

Maintenance isn't for YOU--it's for your child. And your child DESERVES it.

In addition, it's a great leverage tool if you marry and wish to have a step-parent adoption later.

Don't be too nice about this. It will only come back to bite you in the rear end later if you do not get everything legally established through the courts.

Summer2011 · Jun 30, 2011, 04:14 PM

Yeah, but I already get around £500 a month just for summer from child benefits, child tax credits etc.. On top of that her formula milk is paid for from healthy start vouchers and she has a trust fund from the government which I put 5 pounds a week in to build up money she can access when she's 18. I know if he pays maintenance he will use it against me in some way or other so I would rather leeave it at that lol, I just want my baby girl to know her dad

Wondergirl · Jun 30, 2011, 04:26 PM

i know if he pays maintenance he will use it against me in some way or other so i would rather leeave it at that

Synnen is right. Don't let him off the hook for regular maintenance. Your circumstances may change for the worse, and you can always put his payments into a trust for the baby for when she turns 18 or 21 if you don't need them now. Those payments might pay for her college education or her wedding or a nice vacation or two.

Summer2011 · Jun 30, 2011, 05:02 PM

Hmm never thought of using the money that way! Sounds like a good idea would pay for a nice 18th birthday for her or something :)

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2011, 06:17 PM

First when posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments

Second, so its OK to take taxpayer money to help you support your child, but not try to get money from the father to help support HIS child.

Maybe he can't afford to pay now, but someday he may actually get a good job and then you will have a support order to work from.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 30, 2011, 07:10 PM

Please understand, government money is not "free money" someone, other people are paying taxes so you can get that money,

Most would like to see the correct people, ( the father) .

Also please note that if you have told him that you will refuse him visits, that can often go against you in court also. So you don't want to put that in writing that he can use as evidence in court either.

tickle · Jul 1, 2011, 02:55 AM

Summer2011, you are in the UK, are you not? Just want to clarify that. UK laws are a bit different then in the US, but any advice you have been given makes a lot of sense.

Tick