[cw_aa]

Me and my boyfriend are the perfect couple except that we have our disagreements. Its all over our beliefs and **** like that. For example he is a very specific person. Like I consider saying, "I got to pee", when going to the bathroom and in there for 15 min and, do more than just pee, I am considered lying. He says that you shouldn't say nothing at all if you don't know for sure and, one word in the sentence changing the whole meaning or can.

I am not specific, I do a lot of extra stuff in life that's similar to estimating or, rounding off. You could say I'm in the habit of telling what my intentional plans are by stating it as if that's what I'm doing specifically but, not meaning it specifically though. Like I'm going to go pee and, do more than that, or I'm just going to the store and back and, go somewhere other than the store. If I go to my mothers' and my intentions were just visiting and, we talk and, I decide to stay the night, I consider that as changing your mind. He considers it lying.

I am no where near being specific. I have an imagination. When I say I'm going to do something, not for someone but, in general like, I'm going outside to... and do that but, my eye spots something else unplanned to do, which I consider that I'm giving you an idea of what I'm doing and, planning but, I unexpectedly thought of something else, I add it on the long run doing my thing.

Sort of a change of plans. Not knowing at the time I'm informing that person on an idea of what I'm doing but, since I don't say I'm going outside to get dfbljdlf and I don't know if there is anything else but, that's what I plan on. Then I'm going outside to get dfhadkf and do something else, its considered lying and we're always fighting over crap like that. When I try to argue my point of view, he says I'm lying, that I'm just arguing with him because I don't want to admit that he is right.

What should I do? Who needs to improve more on a change to make it work? Please help, thanks.


Edited/T

[Wondergirl]

This has everything to do with women vs. men and how they think, how they operate. Men are from Mars; women are from Venus. That's why honest communication (not whining and complaining and griping and downputting) with BOTH of you contributing is so important.

Knowing that he is a man and this way, why not tell him you will call if your plans change: "I'm going to stop off at my mom's after I hit the library. I'll call you if I plan to do something else once I've seen my mom." With cell phones and texting nowadays, this should be a piece of cake.

And doesn't every man know (or should learn) that when women go into the bathroom to use it for its main purpose, we will also wipe the water from off the sink top, fluff up the window curtains, straighten the shower curtain and liner, pluck a few stray eyebrows, reapply lip gloss, and stare into the mirror until we find and pull out a few gray hairs? Remind him of that so he doesn't always think you are lying. I guess men do what they have to do and then leave (just like when they shop, and that's no fun!).

[southamerica]

I agree with Wondergirl 100%. Just let him know that you'll call him if your plans change, and that should do the trick.

If he's still upset with you after you make those changes, then maybe it's not going to work out with him after all. You are entitled to change your plans on the spot if you feel like you want to... as long as you're not inconveniencing someone else's plans in the meantime.

[talaniman]

You both need to compromise, and learn to understand each other, and he needs to stop calling you a liar to start with. You seem to be opposites that both of you have to adjust to each other, through communications rather than argue.

Don't argue, discuss. If compromise doesn't work, you don't really need to be together, unless you can accept, and deal with each others ways.

[Cat1864]

Do you live together? How long have you been a couple? Has he always been this way?

I agree with talaniman, Wondergirl and southamerica, but I have a different view of the situation.

I am wondering if he is using 'being specific' as a means of control. What happens if you tell him that you are going out without giving him a destination or itinerary? Does he ask what you plan to do or pick up? Does he accept that you are abiding by his wishes and not using words that might change the meaning of the sentence?

From what you say, he considers picking up a loaf of bread to be lie if you said you were getting milk. Does he tell you everything that he is doing or when things change?

I do believe you should let him know if your plans change and you aren't going to be home when you thought you would be. It is polite and letting someone know where you are should something happen. It becomes a different matter if he expects a list of what you are picking up at the store or detailed plans of what you are going to do every step of the way.

I, too, think you should work on communicating with each other. Without putting either one of you on the defensive, discuss how you can come to a compromise where he will stop accusing you of lying for driving instead of running to the store. If you can't find that compromise, then this may not be the relationship that either of you should be in.