[lovingmother86]

My baby's father and I have been together for 2 years. During those 2 years he has emotionally abused me, cheated on me, and even left me to walk home while I was 5 months pregnant and stayed at his girlfriends house. He left me when I was 6 months pregnant for another woman but stuck around long enough to allow me to have our daughter and go back to work. When I did go back to work, he was responsible for watching her. The first time I left her, he sent me a pic of her in her boppie with a beer bottle wedged in next to her... I was crushed. Then the next few times I would come home and he hasn't changed her diaper in hours and its to the point where her clothes are wet. I went to change her once and she had caked and dried poop all down her leg like it had been there for hours. He also doesn't play with her. He will sit with her in his lap and watch TV... when she fusses he puts her in her chair. He now lives with someone who has parties every weekend and someone else who abuses and sells pills and I don't trust him to take her over there. He has a very checkered past. He was in prison for 2 years for selling methamphetamines. When he got out, he lived with his brother and their 3 kids and relapsed; he got a ticket for a meth pipe he had on him. I'm worried he's going to relapse again. There were times that he would blow through 900 dollars in a week and have nothing to show for it. Does he have a chance of getting partial custody from a parent that has no past and is completely devoted to her daughter? Im so afraid that he will have her over night and neglect her needs.

[JudyKayTee]

You need to go to Court, prove paternity, ask for support. He will probably ask for visitation and/or custody. You need to PROVE that he is a danger to your child. I trust you have the photographs. Just so I understand this - you continued to allow him to babysit with the child after you came home to soaked and soiled diapers, your daughter caked with her own waste?

And the brutal truth is that you lived with, had sex with and conceived a child with a known addict, abusive to you in several ways? The Court may very well also question your judgment. Why would you have a child with this man?

You are now tied to him for the rest of your life, and I suspect your daughter's life will be complicated by him.

[Fr_Chuck]

Unless you can prove he neglects the child, and unless you can prove that he is currently using or selling drugs and this is a danger to the child, he will get more visits fairly easily.

[lovingmother86]

This is supposed to be a site to offer HELPFUL advice. I suggest that you ask more questions about the situation before you seemingly attack me and make it seem like I am not a devoted mother. First of all, no one automatically thinks they have to protect their child from their father until things like this happen. Second, she was not planned. I was on birht control and still conceived. If you don't have anything helpful to say then don't comment

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry but Judy is being honest, you will end up in court and may be questioned by judge or the ex's attorney as to your role in things early on. Remember if he was a drug user and you were living with him, that may even make the court suspect you use drugs also. That will be what his attorney is going to try and do.

And you may know all sorts of things about him but knowing it and proving it in court is not the same

[ScottGem]

Comments on this post
lovingmother86 does not find this helpful : she is seemingly attacking me and drawing her own conclusions about things that I didn't even mention

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Yes this site does offer helpful advice. We don't just tell you what you want to hear but we try to tell you the reality. When answering we have to go by what you tell us. Yes we can ask for more information, but you gave us a lot on your initial post. You said you had been together for 2 years and that he emotionally abused you for those 2 years. Isn't that what you said? You also spoke about his "very checkered past". And you did have sex with this person. Whether you used birth control or not, engaging in sex runs the risk of pregnancy.

So what Judy was doing was being very helpful. She was preparing you for what will happen when you go to court. She was trying to make you aware of the things a court will look at when deciding custody and visitation. You make not think that being helpful, but it very definitely was. She did not say you weren't a devoted mother. And yes, one can suspect a person will not be a good father when they are a drug addict and abuser.

Judy also gave you good advice, about going to court, establishing paternity and a custody/support/visitation agreement. Hopefully, with his history, you can get supervised visitation or no visitation. But that will be up to the court who will look at all the factors.

Frankly, you owe Judy an apology. She told you the truth. The truth may hurt sometimes, but its usually helpful to know.