[keljg4]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together. I have 2 boys ages 5 and 10 that I have 50% and he has an 18 year old boy and a 13 year old girl that he has 50%. Our parenting styles are very different. I am more strict. He and his ex-wife are very passive in parenting. They let their children get away with a lot. Our relationship has been suffering because I don't agree with how they parent. We have discussed marriage but I don't know if I can live this way for another 5 years until his daughter is out of the house. I have backed away from giving my opinion so it doesn't cause conflict but it still burns me inside. He has his hands tied somewhat because when he puts a punishment in play, his ex won't keep up her end of the bargan. We can't control her and what she does. When we discuss what needs to be done with his children he gets defensive and tells me I don't have a right because my children aren't teenagers yet and I don't know. Our relationship is great and we don't fight until his daughter is here. So how do I let this go and not let it ruin our relationship? How do I have her living in my house and not have a say?

[jenniepepsi]

Relationships are very important. And often must be put firstbut sometimes the children must be thought of first. And it sounds like, as much as you love this man and his children, being married and coparents does not sound like a good decision to make. Weigh your options. You need to decide if you can meet in the middle. Maybe you can help him be more firm, and he can help you be less strict. Neither side of the fence is good for children anyway, children need boundarys, but they also need some freedom as well. Its possible you may be able to help each other meet in the middle.

If however you would not be able to do that, you both need to think about possibly not taking your relationship any further. It would be harder on you and all of the children involved and thts never good for anyone.

Would he and his children's mother be opened to some blended family counseling. Where you can all 3 go (and your children's father if he is in the picture) to sit down and discuss, learn, and try new aproaches, and work together to come up with one parenting style that you can all agree on?

Good luck!