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hieglkd · Jun 20, 2011, 01:10 PM

My husband and I are married for almost 2 years (dated for 4 years). We are older and this is our 2nd marriage (I am 46, he is 52). Prior to about a year ago, we had a lot of intimacy. Over the last year, it has dropped off dramatically. I feel like I have a roommate instead of a husband. We have both put on some weight, so our body images are different now, but should that change the level of intimacy? I notice that he notices other women. He's not a cheater, it's not like that. But it feels like he's not attracted to me and isn't interested in sex with me. When we do have sex (every once in a great while) it doesn't feel intimate. It just feels like a job that has to be performed. I'm very bored and feeling a little toxic. I feel like I want to lose this weight and find someone to have sex with, which isn't a solution. Ugh.

Synnen · Jun 20, 2011, 01:23 PM

Have you had an open, honest communication with your husband about it?

hieglkd · Jun 20, 2011, 02:04 PM

No, he hates talking about stuff. He's doesn't like confrontation.

Synnen · Jun 20, 2011, 02:09 PM

Well, if you're okay with having sex with each other, then you should be okay with TALKING about sex.

It doesn't have to be confrontational, but you DO deserve an answer about something that affects both of you.

hieglkd · Jun 20, 2011, 02:46 PM

We do talk about sex, but not the problematic part of the situation. We talk about having sex... he professes that he wants to have sex, it just rarely happens.

martinizing2 · Jun 20, 2011, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by hieglkd

We do talk about sex, but not the problematic part of the situation. We talk about having sex...he professes that he wants to have sex, it just rarely happens.

Not talking about the problem is like eating the cone and letting the ice cream melt in your lap.
Sticky situations.

Communication is greatly enhanced when it is not confrontational and simply addressing the facts. Like the decrease in libido that is obvious , and what do you think WE should do?
How can I help ?
What do you think about a visit to the doctor and eliminate the possibilities of physical factors , and we are at an age we should get check ups more often .

For a relationship to stay afloat it takes both parties working together for the mutual benefit .
One person cannot carry the load and have a relationship that works let alone blossom and thrive like is possible when both people work towards the same goal of mutual happiness , contentment, and comfort putting the others needs at least on the same level as, or above your own.

Cold , callous , harsh and true summery;

He needs to get on board if there is going to be hope for the future.

hieglkd · Jun 21, 2011, 06:49 AM

Yes, we will most definitely have to talk about it openly and honestly. It's not easy though. But it's worth it in the end! Thank you!