[LastSamurai]

My husband likes to drink a lot, it's in his blood & he believes that smoking , drinking & spending time with his friends is just a part of his personal life that I don't have the right to complain about!!
We have a 2 years baby boy , whose got epilepsy , exactly something called West Syndrome, he suffers from a psychomotor delay, he can't walk , talk, eat by himself , pick up object in his hands , can't sit & even can't control his neck's movements, it's frustrating especially when I have to work , come back home to take care of him & the house while my husband doesn't help at all , and worse he comes back 5 or sometimes 7 o'clock in the morning drank and he wants to hug his son ,wants me to prepare him sth to eat or sometimes he wants to sleep with me!!
My husband has been like this even before I got pregnant , I used to believe our son will make him stop!!
My husband has tooooooooo many friends , they call him all the time and he calls them back, he spends time with them more than he stays at home , my husband never invited me to see a movie or have dinner out, he never choosed to share an avtivity with me like watching a movie at home , visit family together,have a conversation about a problem we have , sometimes we do not eat together , I keep telling him that what he does is time,money and health consuming , because he spends his entire salary on smoking and drinking ,we've been like this since we got married, we've taken too many bank loans,I feel my whole life is a mess!! The more I try to get close to him or discussing things with him , he gets angry and leave the house, sometimes he says I am the reason why he drinks which is very stupid because he's been drinking before he met me!! Sometimes he says he drinks because he's under pressure!! He says I accepted to mary him like this , which is not true because he promessed to quite , he never did! I am seriously thinking about divorce , I love my husband & I am sure he feels the same , but I just can't continue like this! What should I do?! Help me please!!

[Fr_Chuck]

He promised to change,? Come on give us a break,

He was a drunk when you were dating him
He was a drunk when you married him
He was a drunk when you made a choice to have a child with him.

And now since it is harder on you, for somereason you think he will quit. Sorry, perhaps, if you refused to cook for him when he came in, perhaps not even let him in the house at all when he is out all night most likely sleeping around. Or if he comes in lock him out of your bedroom and let him sleep it off on the couch,

Perhaps not doing any of his laundry, let him wear dirty clothes if he is not helping around the house.

But then, you work, so get custody of the child and make him pay support from his pay check

[LastSamurai]

Well I know he seems a very bad person , well he's not I married him and I am still with him because I believe people can change, we were engaged because we're in love , we shared the same family problems , he used to listen to me , he used to be everythig I need , but it seems he has his own way of dealing with problems , which is definitely wrong and self destructing!
Well I 've tried almost everything with him , I stopped cooking for him , I stopped sleeping with him , I didn't answer his calls when he was outside drinking, I loked the door... he gets angry more and more, we agreed that he sees a psychiatric , and he did , he took medicine , his friends told him that he's going to be a drug addict, I told him it's better than being an alcoholic , his friends who happen to be his colleagues are a big big problem, sometimes he just decide to stay at home and says he's not going to answer any phone calls at night , but his friends especially his boss who is 50 not married , keeps calling him and sending text messages , sometimes he even pays my husband's drinks,well my husband sometimes decide he's going to stop and I feel that he's really willing to but when a friend calls,everything goes wrong!

[SabraTova]

I think a GREAT place to start before you make any decisions... is ALA-NON.
Please at least go to a "Newcomers" meeting and get some literature.
Your situation is not unique~there are people you can talk with who know JUST what you're talking about, a place where you can share your situation anonymously and get some feedback from people who know and understand. You can learn from listening to their stories. The answers are there--I think you just need to get a little more educated about the disease of alcoholism (beyond the scope of your person experience)and get YOURSELF into recovery. Whether your husband folows suit is out of your control. What you CAN control is your response. I wish you the best.

[Fr_Chuck]

Until he is ready to change he is not going to, you can get into support groups and help learn to put up with his behavior and learn to deal with the behavior.

If he wants to change he will start going though treatment. You can consider seeing if he is serious about wanting to change. But why should he he can go do any and everything he wants to, then come home to you.

[talaniman]

You need to get the facts and see the whole picture if you want a strategy that works. A support group with experienced people is just what the doctor would order.

Find an Alanon group near you, or ask your doctor where you can get some fact, support, and help with this issue.