[honeybud]

I met my fiancé a year and a half ago. Two months in I knew I loved him. He was the nicest, most respectful guy I had ever met, he complimented me regularly and made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I was with him. Three months into the relationship, I found out he had been to rehab a few months before for a cocaine addiction. He promised he was in a program and he'd take it very seriously, and I told him I would not tolerate him drinking alcohol or doing any sort of drug ever. He had a relapse with alcohol one night at a party, and we broke up. However, we spoke almost every day. One day his sponsor called me and told me he was doing really well, and he was very proud of him. I was too. We got back together after two months of separation. We both realized a few months later that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. He proposed to me in October and we set a date for march. About a month and a half before the wedding, we got into an argument and he went out with his friends and had a drink and we very nearly broke up because of the argument. His parents found out and postponed the wedding. Fast forward four dark, depressing months of not knowing how or when we'd get married, and we had a new date for July 11th. Well a few days ago he told me he'd had a relapse with cocaine, the first time since he quit the drug a year and nine months earlier. It was devastating, and with insistence from family and friends, I decided to break off the engagement. Being the good person he is, my fiancé understood and respected my decision but we are both in intense pain. I can't imagine my life without him, he is so good and real, and we understand each other better than anyone else. I love him to death, he is the other half of my soul and I can't seem to think I made the right decision.

[miss_a90]

While you're going through a massive amount of pain at the moment, as you feel betrayed and hurting because you're not with him, imagine how he's feeling. Not only does he not have the woman he loves and wants to be with, he is also battling and extremely difficult psycological addiction.

I think that by setting dates for weddings and breaking off engagements and stuff, you're making things more difficult. You both love each other, and you both know you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but for the time being while he attempts to recover from this addiction, why not take the wedding off the agenda? By making it a focal point in your relationship, it's almost like you're giving him a time limit whereby he has to be clean by. Instead, give him as much space or attention as he needs (as in the end, you both know you're going to end up together), and just help him through this really difficult time. Take it step by step, and once he's recovered, wait for a while for him to broach the subject of marriage.

I'm sure things will work out for you. My current boyfriend had a problem with cocaine when we got together and we got through it. It's not impossible, in fact, it's extremely possible, for him to get through this, but as I said, while he's working through it, just take the wedding out of the equation and just be there for him when he needs you. He'll feel like he's let you down, and you're attention and support will mean more to him than you could ever imagine.

[Fr_Chuck]

A drug addict is a terrible thing to live with. He will betray everything and everyone for the drug, If you can accept being second to drugs, then that is the life you have to choose from.

[TheCompromiser]

Some people can kick it the drugs, and others never can. I've known people that have come clean, and people like my own mother who's chosen the drugs over me for the last 23 years.. If you love him that much, you can be as supportive as possible, but it's never a guarantee he'll come free of it..