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darlsd · Jun 13, 2011, 06:51 AM

My son is 5 in sept and is going to kindy. His teacher says he is very bright accademically but is very fixated on what he wants to do and won't listen until he gets what he wants. He's like that at home to and if I ask him to do something he always asks why? And generally just doesn't do what he's told. He has a lot of tantrms when doesn't get his own way and won't share. He used to be a great sharer but then we moved around a lot for about 2 yrs and have only really just settled.I have a 1 yr old daughter who he adores but again doesn't like sharing with her.should I be concerned that there's a problem or is it more a behaviour I need to try and change and how should I do this

jakester · Jun 13, 2011, 08:11 AM

Darls - it sounds like this is a problem that you have unfortunately waited too long to address... your son is entering school now and you are just now realizing that there is a problem.

Part of the issue here is that time has been played a role in your child getting to this point and it will take time to undo the bad behavior.

You should be concerned there is a problem and it is a behaviour that needs to be changed... so both.

I think the problem begins with you, though. Are you consistent with setting boundaries with him? If he throws a tantrum, do you give in to his every whim? You have to have boundaries with him and if he crosses them, he needs to understand that there are consequences... just like there are for us as adults: if you are late to work constantly, you lose your job. If you drink and drive, your license is suspended, etc. You have to enforce some form of discipline with him so that he understands that you will not tolerate his behavior. And you need to explain to him why he is being punished and set the expectations for his behaviour.

As much as you may be inclined to want to change his behaviour right now, you have to first address your own behaviour first. Do you lose your temper with him easily? Are you constantly nagging him: "stop doing that", "don't do that"? If you are constantly nagging him for what he is doing but not really holding him accountable, you become only noise to him and if he feels he can get his way by throwing a tantrum, he will always get his way.

Just some thoughts.