[canonlinks]

Hi all, thanks for reading

A little background...
My boyfriend and I have been dating around a year. Right now we are long distance because he is on an internship. We don't live in the same cities but we went to the same college. I may be transferring schools again which I think has bothered him. Ever since he moved away for his internship things have been tense (about a week and a half again). Recently he told me he needed some more space which I've been trying to give him. In the past I've had problems with his level of affection/distance. I guess I would say we're having a little bit of a rough patch. Sometimes things seem good and are stress free and other days he will tell me he doesn't know how he feels about us, etc.


Yesterday my boyfriend and I got into a minor argument over texting. He ended up saying that our relationship wasn't working and he couldn't do it anymore over a text message. Ever since then he has mostly avoided talking to me even though he said we needed to have a major talk when he got home from work yesterday. When I asked him if we were still together he told me he didn't know. So basically, I have no clue where we are.

Admittedly I was somewhat rude to him yesterday but right after I sent him a rude text I apologized and realized I really wasn't frustrated with him. Prior to the conversation with my boyfriend, I had just had an argument with my mom over over employment and my education. I was still pretty emotional from that and I realized I had taken my frustration out on him in one of my messages. I was generally feeling frustrated with money and my feelings about other things and it spilled over into our conversation. When he said he was too busy and he couldn't talk but he loved me, I didn't react rationally. It really didn't bother me at the time because I knew he wanted some space at work, but I guess I felt kind of put off right when I wanted to vent for a minute or two about my stress. I can see how that is frustrating especially at work, and I really never intended to talk in depth about it. I just wanted to send a few texts back and forth. Instead of telling him I'd talk to him later and that I loved him like I had originally intended, I told him I needed some affection and that sometimes he didn't treat me well (my language was a bit harsher). Honestly, I'm not sure what came over me. I was already emotional from earlier events in the day and I think I got carried away. I really had been intending to give him more space at work and I certainly didn't want to take out my frustration like that when he didn't do anything wrong. He may not have been available to listen but overall he hadn't been rude to me or affectionate.

In the past few weeks he has been rude/dismissive of me and recently he hasn't been as affectionate overall. In that moment however, he was definitely fine and really didn't deserve that criticism.

I feel bad for saying what I said but I realized right after I said it that I shouldn't have directed my feelings like that at him. I tried sending him an email explaining what was really frustrating me and to apologize. Then when he had been home awhile I called him in hopes of explaining what had happened and he hung up on me. I can understand he may need some space right now but I'm frustrated that he doesn't care about the things I'm going through right now. On top of these relationship issues, my family is dealing with financial hardships, my mother has lost her job, and I'm trying to juggle a job and an internship this summer. I was feeling overwhelmed yesterday and I wasn't the most composed person around. On top of this, I've been sick lately and I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

On one hand I feel like this was becoming inevitable. If this situation hadn't happened yesterday, I feel like he would have found fault in something else. I didn't think he'd break up with me over something like this, however. All my attempts to explain and to apologize have been ignored. I know I messed up but I don't feel like the situation warranted such a reaction.

The problem is I love him and I saw a great future together. He used to tell me he wanted to make a life with me so at some point he felt the same way. Any advice? On top of everything else, this is really hitting me hard. I thought I would at least have my relationship and now that's in shambles too.

[superstar18]

Well the best thing to do is sit down with him and talk, but don't argue. Tell him how you really feel. If that doesn't work you should break up with him because it will only get worse from there. I have the same problem, my boyfriend doesn't give me affection either. And the best thing to do is talk to him about it and if he doesn't change then it's time for a breakup. Maybe you two should plan a date somewhere like a restaurant and you can drive to his house. Because you both need to relax and have fun together.

[miss_a90]

If he needs space give him space.

I think the problem is that you perhaps depend on him too much for you're happiness. He's got an internship and is meeting new people and is discovering things in a new place, whereas you're stuck at home with the same life that you always had, minus him. I think you need space yourself. Find other things in your life that you love doing, occupy yourself with new hobbies and immerse yourself in old friendships you may have overlooked. Because if you make your whole life about him, then when he's gone, you won't have a life left.

Send him one last email explaining everything from start to finish. Explain your insecurities, the fact that you miss him, the trouble you're having at home, but also say that if he wants space then you'll leave him for a few days or weeks, however long he needs. In the meantime don't sit around waiting for his reply, do other things like I said earlier. You'll be happier and, when he does reply, you'll be able to talk to him about things other than how much you miss him and how unhappy you are.