[dianehawthorne]

I am 22 year old female. I am in need of an advice from those who probably had the same in their lives. I just want to share my feelings and experience,as there is no one I can be open with.
I am beautiful,in a good shape,smart, I have 4.0 gpa. But that's all I have. My family lives very far,and its been almost 1.5 years since I last visited them. I have some friends, and one guy calls himself my boyfriend.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but everything that happens around me is like not my life. I always feel like I am sleeping, sometimes its hard for me to recall what I did earlier,its like recalling a dream. I think it all started when I moved to another country to study and left my family. But still,even if I was homesick,I should have recovered by now. Also there are big changes happening in my life, I am applying for a medical school and I waiting for two letters that will change my whole life. I am worried about getting denial, and I can't sleep at nights, and it even hurts in my chest when I think about it. I rarely cry, and sometimes I don't feel anything at all. I am scared of myself, because I cannot rely on myself. I forget simple things, cannot concentrate on road while driving, cannot concentrate while reading. It all is just a nightmare.
Please,help me, I am lost.

[edrea]

Dear Diane,

I have experienced that kind of feeling before. At the time, I started a new job so I was in a new environment. I lived by myself too, away from my parents who just left for the US and away from my siblings and a boyfriend who stay in another province. Looking back, I think I lacked emotional support as I was often alone, I still haven't established relationship with my colleagues. I felt I didn't have friends to talk to (although I do have friends)

I suggest you reach out to your friend who is understanding and accommodating. If possible, perhaps you can confide to a guidance counselor or a female teacher. Have constant communication, too, with your parents. When I was very lonely and troubled and seemed to be always on the verge... I think about my parents.

God bless!

[Lilymoonstorm]

Please know that you are not alone. When you go out and see people many of them could probably relate to you at one point or another. First I would suggest taking a look at the basics in your life. Not sleeping enough can lead to the symptoms you've described with memory problems, lack of concentration skills, a sense of not living and chest pain as well. You have GOT to get some sleep and not just one night of decent sleep but many. I know its probably not all the lack of sleep but every single aspect in your life is affected by your quality of sleep (and nutrition). Have you tried meditating to reduce your stress levels or praying to whoever or whatever you believe in?

[joypulv]

You are depressed, out of touch with your feelings. You are going through the motions of success without being happy about it. I would suggest a visit home. See what it is you might be missing that you were brought up to be and aren't doing and need to decide if you can let it go and have a different life, or if you need to face it. Typically for women that is an expectation that you marry and have children.
Another possibility (one I faced) was that a parent is not happy with his or her life and no matter how smart and popular and successful you are, it will never make them happy. This is a tough one and more difficult to adjust to, because you may find that you aren't sure why or if you are doing med school and all that for you or for someone else.

[dianehawthorne]

Thank You very much for your advices, it is a relief to know that there are some people who lived through the same and got over. Thank You for sharing your experience!

[dianehawthorne]

I started visiting church on sundays, meeting people makes it easier to fight homesickness.