[annabear]

Well I am pretty sure I am bi and I like girls my age. But any time a have attraction to a guy (which is really rare) I only like older guys. When I say older I mean like in their early 20's lol. But I'm only 14... and I never had any emotional feelings for a guy. Ever. I only feel kind of sexually attracted. I don't know if I even like guys. But anyway, I want to know if this means I'm les or I'm just into older guys. Need your help! Thanks!

[martinizing2]

It most likely means you are a normal 14 yr old that hasn't fully matured physically or emotionally yet.

When we are younger we seem to be more attracted to the same gender as ourselves because we are more alike and simply get along because we like to do the same things .
Boys and girls play differently.

This changes as does your body and mind as you grow and mature, which continues into your early twenties.

With all that is happening to us in our teenage years with the changes taking place , it is a confusing and often difficult time to get through and you will wonder about many similar things and changes that take place.
This may be a good time to talk to an experienced adult like parents , counselors , your family doctor and get some firsthand input.

Slow down and have fun being a teenager and give yourself time to make well informed and thought out decisions especially about such important and potentially life changing subjects.

[annabear]

Yea I see what your saying. I am very young. But I've already been in a couple relationships with guys and girls. And I liked them both but I only felt I liked the guys as a friend and the girls gave me butterflies and I felt like I really really liked them. But I know myself and I know that what I'm going through isn't a phase. But my feelings for guys still confuses me. But thanks :)

[Wondergirl]

But I know myself and I know that what I'm going through isn't a phase.

I'm with martinizing2 on this. I don't care how experienced or mature you think you are at 14. Your body is still developing and hormones are still swirling all about inside you. Relax, get to know lots of different teens (both boys and girls), and don't rush into "relationships." And definitely don't label yourself at this young age.

[annabear]

All right. I think I'm kind of just forcing myself to think I'm bisexual. Do u think so? Because I don't really like other people denying that I'm bi. I'm not saying you are. Ur helping. But yeah I think I'm trying too hard to prove to myself I'm bi. But yet, I kind of want to be. Hmm...

[Wondergirl]

Alright. I think I'm kinda just forcing myself to think I'm bisexual. Do u think so?

Yes, I think you are forcing it.

Because I don't really like other people denying that I'm bi.

You might be bi. You might be straight. You might be a lesbian. Do you know Chaz Bono's story? Can you imagine the turmoil she (now it's he) went through for 40 years?

Don't talk about your possible sexual orientation with other people, especially not people who aren't very close friends. It's nobody's business except for yours.

I'm not saying you are. Ur helping.

Thank you. If I had a daughter, I would hope she would be just like you.

But yeah I think I'm trying too hard to prove to myself I'm bi. But yet, I kinda want to be. Hmm...

Aha! Now we're gettin' somewhere! Tell me why you kind of want to be.

[annabear]

Yea that makes me wonder too why I want to be. Even though I really had no real experience with dating, right now, even if I imagined myself with a guy, it kind of makes me feel weird. When I say that I mean I'm comparing it to a straight girl with another girl. It doesn't feel right. I do socialize with guys and they become my friends and I feel like girls are the only people that I feel comfortable with. That's why I want to be bi at least. And yea I don't go walking around telling people I'm bi or anything. I only talked with a close friend about this once.

[Wondergirl]

Well, give yourself time. Like I said, get to know lots of people and figure out who and which personalities and even which gender you are most comfortable with. You have tons of time to figure yourself out. There's no test on this next Tuesday.

And the main thing is to know who you are and be comfortable inside your own skin. And you sound like someone who can be liked by both males and females, so keep up with that kind of good feeling that you're giving off.

[annabear]

Yup. Good advice. And another thing I was thinking about is that usually in a relationship, the male is the more dominant. I want to be in that position. Like when I watch movies and I see a boy and a girl in love, my friends are always like aw the guy is so cute I wish I was the girl! But in my mind I want to be in the guys position. But I am a girly girl and I can never imagine cutting my hair short. I just feel like I would be in the mans position in a relationship. If I wasn't, it wouldn't really feel like a relationship to me

[Wondergirl]

Well, I've always been smart in science and math and have always like sports and was a tomboy and was very comfortable wearing my brother's jeans and was never girly over hair styles and makeup and nail polish. I liked to hang out with the boys because they weren't gossipy and stuck up, so I was one of two girls they let play ball with them and even asked me to be the pitcher. No one ever told me, "You throw like a girl!" Guys were my pals, my BFFs, and not my boyfriends. I wondered if I was really a boy inside, since I didn't like girl stuff. But I just stayed open to making friends with both boys and girls, did well in school, and was a good kid at home.

I wanted to always be in charge or the head of the committee or the go-to person. My dad was a pastor, and I was crushed when I found out that my church didn't let girls become pastors. I wished I were male. Males seemed to be the favored gender and the one in control of things.

That was during my late childhood and into my mid-teens. Finally, it all got sorted out by the time I went to college.

[annabear]

Ohh. Well I'm not really tom boy-ish but every once in a while I like to flex and feel my muscles since they are kind of big for a girl. I just want to be the "stronger" in a relationship. I confuse myself all the time with this stuff :-/ but overall, if I had a choice, I would like to be bi or les

[Wondergirl]

if I had a choice, I would like to be bi or les

Well, technically it's not a choice unless you force yourself into it. I do hope you want to be authentic, a real person, be who you really are. So, give yourself a few years of learning about other people and studying hard in school. Your hormones will settle down in your late teens and will tell you who you really are.

[annabear]

Yea I hear you. And I know it isn't a choice. I'm just saying "if" I were to choose my sexuality. But anyway thanks for the advice. I know I'm young and have little experience. And it could be a phase but I always just deny people when they say that for some reason. But I also could be les. I could be straight for all I know. But you thanks for everything

[Wondergirl]

But ya thanks for everything

Good girl! I wish you the best. You're level-headed and are a strong person. I know good things and happy relationships will come your way.

[hheath541]

You sound like you know more about yourself than I did at your age. I didn't put any thought into my sexuality until I was in college.

I wouldn't be too quick to put a label on yourself. The only thing labels do is limit you. They place you in a box, and even you start to have a hard time seeing other option.

You're young and obviously self-aware. Focus more on who you are and what you want, and less on what to call yourself. It's like labeling yourself prep or goth of nerd. You end up spending your time trying to fit that label, instead of exploring all the options out there to find what you really like.

Not wanting to play the damsel in distress in relationships and life doesn't mean anything more than you're strong and independent. That approach will get you a lot further in life than just doing what others want you to do and playing follow the leader.

I'd like to introduce you to a new word: pansexual. It means that you are attracted to people for who they are, not because of gender. Personality becomes the most important thing, and gender becomes just another detail (like hair or eye color). Try it on, see how it fits. It's the most open label I think you will find for sexuality.

Now, as for being emotionally attracted to girls, but not boys. It could mean that you will end up with better relationships with women throughout your life. It could also just mean that, at your age, it's just easier to connect and relate to other girls.

At 14, a lot of boys haven't even hit puberty yet, and aren't really interested in relationships. Girls, at that age are often more emotionally and physically mature than boys. Girls are starting to become interested in starting dating and relationships. Boys are more interested in playing video games and riding bikes.

It's very possible that you aren't emotionally attracted to boys your age simply because they aren't emotionally ready for relationships.

A couple things to keep in mind about female sexuality. Several studies have shown that female sexuality can change several times throughout your life. A label that fits well today, may not fit at all in a few years, and you may end up needing to find a completely different one several years after that.

Studies have also shown that attraction starts in the mind first, with women. That means that you probably need more than just looks to be attracted to someone. It's not a bad thing, it just means that you need to be able to have an actual conversation with someone and knows a bit about them as a person.



OK, I know I rambled more than a bit, here. I'm sorry for that. Hopefully you found at least something helpful.

[annabear]

No it was actually very helpful :) and yea I have heard of pansexual. I just never really thought about that... but that is a good possibility. Because personality is like the first thing I notice in a person and that's the biggest influence for me to decide if I like somebody...

[hheath541]

The world would be a better place if personality was always the most important thing.

[annabear]

Sooo true! Well I'm one of a few people that think it is ^_^